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Mother of two tempered kids......

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:25 AM
  • 18 Replies
I have a six year old daughter that has always had a little bit of a temper here and there. Over the years I have tried many disciplining ideas that I got from parenting websites. None which have yet to work. I've even tried a few from pinterest. My daughter doesn't like to listen and I know this is normal for all kids but back talking and slamming doors and throwing toys. I believe if I don't get a hold of this problem it won't get any better. However, when going places such as someone's house, school, church, or any other event she is a wonderful child. I get nothing but good compliments about her. How do I get this same behavior at home? I feel she doesn't take me serious a lot of the time.

I also have a 17m old son which is headed toward the same direction with the attitude like his sisters. Time outs work for the time being but doesn't last very long at all. He enjoys saying "NO" about everything and when I go to pick him up to get in his booster or to go potty/change diaper he stiffins up and screams. He's got nothing but playing on his mind. Which is good because I enjoy watching him play. I think the terrible twos is headed our way. I can tell him not to do something ten or more times a day on the same thing and he still continues to do it. Not sure if he understands but I tell him no or that will hurt baby. But he just jerks away.

I'd greatly appreciate any advice anyone can give me. Their dad isn't around much because of work. So I'm doing this on my own just about. Would love to hear what works or worked for your kids. I love my babies and would love to have an attitude free home. With few exceptions.....
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
belindah
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:27 AM
1 mom liked this
Have you tried 1 2 3 magic it worked for ds
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Femommy
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:40 AM
I use to do that with my daughter but it didn't faze her at all. My son he will start counting when I get to two. But he will continue on with what he's doing. It's like they have selective hearing. I know they are kids and it's normal to an extent but it's like an all day thing at my house.
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Time outs for the toddler. It could take a few hours to a few weeks but he will understand he gets one warning and then time out.   For the older child, the key is consistency.  For my dd who is strong willed, we take away priveleges now.  She is 7.  When we are out of the house, I will use time outs though for an immediate consequence.   I use the "You can do X or you will recieve Y consequence " statement so that she can make the right choice or she knows what will happen.   I am now using it with a child we are watching during this week since school is out.   Oh this child does not like I will not feed into their hysterics.


The multiple warnings they will tune out since they know you will not follow through.  One warning to listen to you or stop the bad behaviors and bam consequence.  If you want to use the 1,2,3 count down , then it is "you have the count of 3 to get off the table or there will be a time out "  off they go into time out if they choose to ignore you.

Femommy
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:52 AM
Taking away things doesn't work with my daughter. I can tell her I'm going to take something away and she tells me she doesn't care or that she will get it back. I have held her favorite doll for a week before I give it back. I even bought a tote and every time she did something bad I would go to her room and pick out a toy to put in the tote. If she was good all day I would let her pick a toy out of tote before bed. I did that for months and her attitude didn't improve. I ended up buying another tote to put more toys in. Now I am using those totes for toys she leaves around the house. To get them back she has to do a chore around the house and then she can pick one out. Got this idea from pinterest but not seeing it works. However cleaning her room is easy. All I have to tell her is that I'm going to vaccum her room and there she goes. Doesn't take no time and her room is clean.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Don't take the attitude. 1 warning then consequence. Be very strict and consistant. Your a pushover. Be a parent. Yes, nip it in the bud now with the 6 yo.
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Rhodin
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:37 AM

Have you tried taking her door away?  I saw that on this crazy parenting show about taming troubled teens.  I haven't had an opportunity to test it, though.

One thing about being good at school and bad at home is that school is like work.  It can be stressful and it's possible she's releasing the stress of her schoolday at home.  Get her involved in a sport or go for a run after school to burn off the energy.  This works for my brother.

Femommy
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:20 AM
I haven't tried taking her door away because my 17m old would go in and she has so many little toys. We keep all bedroom doors shut. As far as a sport I have her in cheerleading. It didn't seem to improve her attitude much. I've had many parents tell me to give her more of a social life. So we put her in cheerleading and every weds she goes with her cousin to church and we go to a friends house in Fridays to play. Then some weekends I let her spend the night with her cousin or grandparents. Before I would keep her at home all the time because I could imagine not telling her goodnight and giving her a kiss at bed time. I try not to yell at her but we all the time bump heads and this isn't what I want at all. I wouldn't call myself a pushover. Because I do discipline a lot. I just haven't found a method that works yet. I sent her to her room Three times yesterday for being mean to her younger brother. I'll ask her why she acts the way does and she says she doesn't know. I think it's for attention but I tell her that's the wrong way to get it. I'm planning a daily schedule for this summer when school is out because she enjoys crafts and books. So hopefully a little more fun around the house will change her attitude. Maybe and mommy daughter date or something. I just feel bad when she acts up. I've even opened up to her and told her how she makes me feel when she asks like that weither that was the right thing to do or not. She tells me she is sorry and gives me a hug. Then I ask her how does she feel because I shared how I feel. But she just tells me she is sorry and she won't act up anymore. That doesn't last long though. She comes up to me sometimes and asks has she been good today or she's going to listen more. But when she is determined she isn't going to do something she won't do it no matter how hard I try. Sorry I'm venting..... Her dad just doesn't help much. He works hard and comes home after she is in bed.
nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:52 AM
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Has she always been this way? Or, is it just within the last 17 months?

Consistent discipline is needed. If her response to having things taken away is "who cares - I will get them back eventually", then the answer should now be - "not anymore". Take that doll to the nearest donation drop off center/box. Don't replace it.

Also, positive reinforcement often works better than negative. Let her know - clearly - when she is doing something right/good. Complement her as often as you can.

For the bad behavior, eliminate the drama, and attention. Let her know - clearly - if behavior x does not stop by count of 3, there will be consequence y. Then give the consequence quietly/quickly, with no more discussion, attention, yelling, etc. If the consequence is a time out, do NOT have her go to her room. That is simply free play time. Have her time out area be in a quiet, boring, spot, away from the general home traffic, but where you can keep an eye on her. When the time out period is over, complement her for staying/thinking quietly. Remind her what the good behavior you expect from her is. Do not remind her what she did wrong. Give her a hug, and send her on her way.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:03 AM

Have a family meeting, with Dad too, decide on the rules, and the consequences, example:  "We respect our home, no slamming doors. The consequence is a 6 minute time-out" I guarantee IF YOU ARE CONSISTANT and stop arguing and  giving her too many chances, this will work. You are too soft mama. Give them 1 warning only. And if time-outs don't bother her then come up with something else, take away toys, whatever, as long as it's consistant.

DaniandTom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds to me like she is trying to get attention. Have you had a "mommy and me" day with her recently? Leave the baby with someone you trust and take her out for a day just the two of you. Get a manicure, see a movie, go out to lunch. Make it all fun all about her! Let her know you loved spending the time with her and how much you enjoy her company. Let her know you want to do another day like that soon. Reinforce the good feelings back home by reminding her of that day and how much fun you had. When things are going well, or if there's a new movie coming out that you know she would like, ask her to go with you again. When she's being bad, quietly let her know you're disappointed in her behavior. QUIETLY! If you yell, she learns that is how to express frustration and anger. If you speak quietly to her, she learns to temper her yelling and door slamming and to LISTEN to you! Be consistent and let her know what punishments she will face if she misbehaves and most importantly, let her know when she is being good! She gets attention when she's bad...does she get it when she's good? Probably not! Praise her and tell her how much you enjoy her when she is being good. Lots of smiles and hugs and words of encouragement. Remember, mom. She's learning from watching you!

Also, remember that little ears are always listening so if you and your husband have a fight, either shelve it for later or keep your voices down. Like I said, she learns from watching you and how you handle anger and frustration!

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