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In need of help...

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:05 PM
  • 14 Replies

Ok so I am 5 months pregnant and me and the father to my child are no longer together because he was treating me like crap and then come to find out is on meth... Well now I no longer want anything what so ever to do with him and do not want him to be part of the babies life because he is crazy... I am working on getting a restraining order now because he has been stalking me and harrassing me all the time. He sits out side of my home for hours, shows up at my door with out reason, calls me from 100 different numbers (I have finally been able to change my number), makes new social media accounts so that when i block him from one he can write me from another... Well this is where i need help... I do not want him to have any rights to my child what so ever...  I have talked to a lawyer and found out that I can not get the stuff started for full custody until after the baby is born and i know that if I do not have the custody paperwork then all he has to do is take the child and leave and there is nothing i can do about it until i get granted custody... so that scares me... So my other option is to put that the father is unknown on the birthcertificate.... I dont know what to do... 

by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Also let the hospital know that this person is not to be allowed to visit you or the baby while in hospital.  The hospital should have policies put in place to protect the child and mother.   If you put father is unknown, he would have to pay for a lawyer, paternity test etc , then prove he is a safe person to be around to gain visitation when you tell your lawyer about his substance abuse and any other abuse he put upon you.

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Well...not necessarily.  If you are not married, you do not have to put his name on your baby's birth certificate.  So, without it being established that he is the father, if he WERE to take the baby, that would be kidnapping.  But, I would suggest going to a lawyer, like, the DAY you are released from the hospital to get the paperwork started.  He isn't going to know exactly when you have the baby, if he even remembers an approximate time-frame you should be impressed. :)  So time is on your side a little bit.

Mommy8118
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:16 PM

I am worried cause he is friends with a few people in my family that seem to be lost on whose side to me on... So more than likely if those people find out then he will be told that I am at the hospital... It really ticks me off that they are being like this but he is really good friends with my cousin and my cousin seems to think that i am just going to be pushing him more to the drug and that I just dont understand his side as well... And it ticks me off because I dont feel like the father has a side... He treated me like crap and was doing meth... So I dont think that anything he thinks or feels matters because he didnt care enough not to be on drugs and didnt care enough to keep it away from my family... 

OHgirlinCA
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:17 PM

Document everything he does.  Every phone call, message, whatever. 

If you have a restraining order in place when your child is born, if he tries to take the baby, he will be in breach of the order as I am assuming you will be pretty much next to the baby at all times.  Alert the hospital staff to the situation so they can keep him away from you. 

I'm not sure how the father's name works on the birth certificate since I have never had to deal with anything like that, but I'm sure you can ask someone about it at the hospital or call your County up and ask. 

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:20 PM

Then those people in your family need to be kept out of the loop.  You need to instruct your parents, siblings, etc. that they are not to tell ANYONE that you are in the hospital.  And if THEY can't be trusted...don't tell anyone.

Quoting Mommy8118:

I am worried cause he is friends with a few people in my family that seem to be lost on whose side to me on... So more than likely if those people find out then he will be told that I am at the hospital... It really ticks me off that they are being like this but he is really good friends with my cousin and my cousin seems to think that i am just going to be pushing him more to the drug and that I just dont understand his side as well... And it ticks me off because I dont feel like the father has a side... He treated me like crap and was doing meth... So I dont think that anything he thinks or feels matters because he didnt care enough not to be on drugs and didnt care enough to keep it away from my family... 


Mommy8118
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:22 PM

yeah thats what it seems I am going to have to do... Its so sad when you have to keep it from your own family when you go in to labor... 

Quoting jackiewal10:

Then those people in your family need to be kept out of the loop.  You need to instruct your parents, siblings, etc. that they are not to tell ANYONE that you are in the hospital.  And if THEY can't be trusted...don't tell anyone.

Quoting Mommy8118:

I am worried cause he is friends with a few people in my family that seem to be lost on whose side to me on... So more than likely if those people find out then he will be told that I am at the hospital... It really ticks me off that they are being like this but he is really good friends with my cousin and my cousin seems to think that i am just going to be pushing him more to the drug and that I just dont understand his side as well... And it ticks me off because I dont feel like the father has a side... He treated me like crap and was doing meth... So I dont think that anything he thinks or feels matters because he didnt care enough not to be on drugs and didnt care enough to keep it away from my family... 



jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:23 PM

Well...TBH, you won't be thinking about them much.  LOL  Your parents, maybe.  But you'll pretty much have tunnel vision. :)

Quoting Mommy8118:

yeah thats what it seems I am going to have to do... Its so sad when you have to keep it from your own family when you go in to labor... 

Quoting jackiewal10:

Then those people in your family need to be kept out of the loop.  You need to instruct your parents, siblings, etc. that they are not to tell ANYONE that you are in the hospital.  And if THEY can't be trusted...don't tell anyone.

Quoting Mommy8118:

I am worried cause he is friends with a few people in my family that seem to be lost on whose side to me on... So more than likely if those people find out then he will be told that I am at the hospital... It really ticks me off that they are being like this but he is really good friends with my cousin and my cousin seems to think that i am just going to be pushing him more to the drug and that I just dont understand his side as well... And it ticks me off because I dont feel like the father has a side... He treated me like crap and was doing meth... So I dont think that anything he thinks or feels matters because he didnt care enough not to be on drugs and didnt care enough to keep it away from my family... 




jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:24 PM

But you know that.  LOL

Quoting jackiewal10:

Well...TBH, you won't be thinking about them much.  LOL  Your parents, maybe.  But you'll pretty much have tunnel vision. :)

Quoting Mommy8118:

yeah thats what it seems I am going to have to do... Its so sad when you have to keep it from your own family when you go in to labor... 

Quoting jackiewal10:

Then those people in your family need to be kept out of the loop.  You need to instruct your parents, siblings, etc. that they are not to tell ANYONE that you are in the hospital.  And if THEY can't be trusted...don't tell anyone.

Quoting Mommy8118:

I am worried cause he is friends with a few people in my family that seem to be lost on whose side to me on... So more than likely if those people find out then he will be told that I am at the hospital... It really ticks me off that they are being like this but he is really good friends with my cousin and my cousin seems to think that i am just going to be pushing him more to the drug and that I just dont understand his side as well... And it ticks me off because I dont feel like the father has a side... He treated me like crap and was doing meth... So I dont think that anything he thinks or feels matters because he didnt care enough not to be on drugs and didnt care enough to keep it away from my family... 





Mommy8118
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Yeah... Well thanks yall!!! 

elzmnsf
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:15 PM
Also he won't be able to take the baby out of the hospital because the baby will have an ankle bracelet that will set off every alarm in the place and lock down the doors if the child is taken past a certain point. And if he doesn't have the other half of the bracelet (you will, but he won't unless you have the hospital give it to him) he won't have access at all. Instruct the staff that such and such are the ONLY visitors you want (say mom and dad), and they will keep him away. Start the paperwork as soon as you get released, your lawyer can draw it up early and just add the final details after the birth and file it immediately. Then , when home, don't let him in or answer the door to him. He won't have the chance to grab the kid and run. Also document every single time he calls, each number, each text, each email or social media contact, everything! Sorry you are having to do this and that is making this joyful time in your life more stressful.
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