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Is this a phase?

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:03 PM
  • 5 Replies
Over the past few days my 5 year old ds has started having seperation anxiety. My dh works second shift, and ds is always fine when he leaves and has never had any trouble with dh working before. But lately in the evening, off and on, ds gets really upset and wants to call his dad. Pretty much, he wants to beg dh to come home from work. The first time it happened it caught me off guard and I explained that we could call, but daddy has to stay at work and I let ds call. Dh reinforced what I had said, that it is always okay to call, but daddy has to work. So I have been letting ds call, but he is still getting upset and wanting daddy. Is this a common phase or could something else be causing this? I'm at my wits end with this, and I'm really tired of it always happening at bedtime. Any advice or ideas would help!
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by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:03 PM
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Replies (1-5):
lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:08 PM

How about daddy calls right after dinner to say good night to him. Then when he starts tell him daddy already said good night its bedtime. I would not keep letting him call at bedtime as that prolongs his regular bedtime routine.

JoeMax
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:14 PM
I usually let him make the call between dinner and bath. About an hour before bed. I like the idea of it being a bedtime call, usually they just talk about random things. Thanks for the idea!


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

How about daddy calls right after dinner to say good night to him. Then when he starts tell him daddy already said good night its bedtime. I would not keep letting him call at bedtime as that prolongs his regular bedtime routine.


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katiebeth1821
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe some special daddy time before he leaves might help. Find something that him and daddy can do only so it makes it a them thing.  Have him leave a note in his room that your son get to read after bath. Letting him call isnt a bad thing maybe he can talk to him before he leaves so he understands whats going on before hand i had to do that when i had to leave for school it got them more upset a few times but then it got better.

Good luck I hope your family finds a solution that works

Asenath
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this

my son goes through the same thing off and on. He works the 11-8 shift but commutes about 30-40 min one way. My dh is also a nightowl so he stays up late. As a result he wakes up just in time to go to work, no matter what time he goes in. Sometimes he will get up early to play with him and hold him, but I babysit in our home so there are always other kids around that want to play with daddy too. We had a rough few months with daddy working lot of overtime, and my son and I went out of town a few times to visit family. It was really hard on my son not seeing him on a regular basis. He is 3 now, so he is starting to notice time more and is understanding it has been awhile since he has seen daddy. We had a tradition of calling him everynight at right before bed. I would put him to bed a few minutes earlier, after his book and  after we turn off the light, he almost always started crying after they hung up. besides just asking for his daddy, he would act out in other ways. He was more short tempered, and quick to hit and yell. One of the times we were out of town he didnt make it to the potty many times, but as soon as we were home and with daddy those accidents stopped. I know he didnt mean to do them, he was just upset. The phone calls still helped them both feel connected, and they have a standing "date" on saturday mornings. I get to sleep in, while daddy gets up with him. lol all they do is lay on the couch and watch cartoons but they both love it. When a time is coming that he is not going to see him for a few days they will go out and do something together before and after. They also have a special outing when he has been acting out as well. I try not to get to mad at these times, and I learning to see when it is getting to that so we can intervene.

You son is old enough that he should be able to tell the days in the week right? so maybe have a set date for them as well? and just remind him how much longer til he has him all to himself. I do that with my son, he is just getting the hang of days of the week and telling time. There is nothing wrong with letting him call whenever he wants, I believe this teaches him that daddy will always be there when he needs him, even if he is not actually there. One day he will adjust and it wont be needed as much. We have not had to make one of those calls in a few weeks. It eventually got to where I would ask him if he was ready to call, then I just stopped asking. You will make it through, just be patient with him and give him as much love as possible during these times.

aj_mom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:44 PM
maybe let him sleep with one of daddy's shirts or something or wear one to bed.
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