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need your advice..your thoughts

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:34 AM
  • 23 Replies
I will be clear and concise..:

I feel that dh dies not loves me...tolerates me
We havent had sex for 20 months
He is a great dad and baby adores him
I hate tge city we live in...dh doesnt
I have no friends or family around me
I have a good job i cant just quite and move
Im unhappy but keeping armony in my house
I feel miserable sometimes
Life is short and i feel i should be enjoying more and deserve to be happier
I miss my family...they live overseas...
I dont have the courage to leave and srparate dh and baby

I need words of encouragement,some advice
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by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Could you seek counseling to help get out any feelings and sort it out ?  I would talk to husband about how i am feeling and see what can be done there as well.  Staying together for the baby is not good since as the baby gets older they will feel the sadness and any tension even stronger than they do now between the two of you.   Perhaps try a separation for a little bit as in someone rents a small apartment close by so everyone has their space but the baby can be close to both. 

notsowicked11
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:07 AM
1 mom liked this

have you thought about marriage and individual counseling?

whoodathunk
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Look into counseling.  Find friends...go to church, library groups, the park, etc.  Hang in there!  

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:17 AM
2 moms liked this

Have you talked to your husband about any of this?

That should have been the FIRST thing to do.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:45 AM

This is where I would start. Good luck!

Quoting nuts4scouts:

Have you talked to your husband about any of this?

That should have been the FIRST thing to do.


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this
You need counseling alone to fix yourself.
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MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this

So change it aat home. Everyone's first answer is to leave instead of do the work a marriage takes. Marriages are hard work and that's where both of you are failing. You haven't put your marriage first and until you learn that trick you aren't going to ever be happy. You can be the catalyst, but you can't change him. He's got to want to put the work in too. SO, I guess you guys need to talk and make some decisions. 

Totty1030
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:33 PM

to all : thank you so much for all your words ! great advice and I already feel lucky to have this support. A bit of history: I've been to counseling myself and it worked a bit but like Mama Snaps said: WE both need to change, Im doing my part and I need him to also do his part, which he is trying. There is not magic formula, I think we lost a bit of connection and chemistry but we have a lot of respect for each other. We try to keep harmony in our houselhiold, we dont fight much but we don't talk much. I ned to do my best and go back to sleep in my room, I know he is waiting for that. I started to sleepd with baby a  couple of month a go while he was not sleeping trough the night, and now Im stuck in there. that should be my first change, I know that. I also need to make more friends, Im a social person but I feel like I have not time, I work full time and take care of baby at t night, Im working on getting together with other moms on weekends, that might help. Husband needs to  also do his part, he is not very social and always preffer to read and be home, while I preffer to have people over and gome places, I need him to be more flexible on that. Marriage is work we we know it, we are not giving up we are just hopping that we will be able to change and love each other again, not just be friends and roomies, thats how it feels today. I will keep you guys posted, this is great for me. Please keep your thought coming, I really need them. Hope you all have a wonderful week !

Totty1030
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:54 PM
2 moms liked this
We did and we both cried and promise to fix things for our baby he deserves to have his family together


Quoting ceciliam:

This is where I would start. Good luck!

Quoting nuts4scouts:

Have you talked to your husband about any of this?

That should have been the FIRST thing to do.



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MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:33 PM

are you both in couples counseling now? there are some great books out there to guide you through things if you aren't! 

The Love Dare is great. I have seen a few other recommendations around to. Just ask there will be lots of them that people can point you to!

Quoting Totty1030:

to all : thank you so much for all your words ! great advice and I already feel lucky to have this support. A bit of history: I've been to counseling myself and it worked a bit but like Mama Snaps said: WE both need to change, Im doing my part and I need him to also do his part, which he is trying. There is not magic formula, I think we lost a bit of connection and chemistry but we have a lot of respect for each other. We try to keep harmony in our houselhiold, we dont fight much but we don't talk much. I ned to do my best and go back to sleep in my room, I know he is waiting for that. I started to sleepd with baby a  couple of month a go while he was not sleeping trough the night, and now Im stuck in there. that should be my first change, I know that. I also need to make more friends, Im a social person but I feel like I have not time, I work full time and take care of baby at t night, Im working on getting together with other moms on weekends, that might help. Husband needs to  also do his part, he is not very social and always preffer to read and be home, while I preffer to have people over and gome places, I need him to be more flexible on that. Marriage is work we we know it, we are not giving up we are just hopping that we will be able to change and love each other again, not just be friends and roomies, thats how it feels today. I will keep you guys posted, this is great for me. Please keep your thought coming, I really need them. Hope you all have a wonderful week !


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