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what do you do when your kid hangs out with someone who you REALLLLLY cant stand!!

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:30 AM
  • 23 Replies

my daughter has a hard time making friends..shes fine at school, like on recess and lunch and what not..but OUT of school, like for sleepovers or play dates..its nonexistent..she has been at the same school since kindergarten (shes in gr 3)..she has only ever had play dates with one kid (the kid i cant stand) and has only ever been invited to 2 bday parties..one of the parties was for the kid i don't like!! and even tho i don't like this girl, the only reason i let my daughter play with her, is because if i didn't, she would literally have NOONE to play with!! however, they only ever have play dates like once every couple months.  i feel bad for my daughter, but..this other girl is just not someone i want hanging around her!  its to the point where i think my daughter will be attending a new school for grade 4...because no matter how many other friends my daughter will make at school this other girl wiggles her way into THEIR friendship and then gets between them and makes MY daughter not hang around the other girls..i know that no matter where she goes to school there are gonna be kids that are bad influences..and kids i wont like..and everything..but...at the same time i think starting fresh might not be such a bad idea..then again the new school will only be for 2 yrs..cuz once middle school starts(gr 6) they will be at the same school again..but maybe a 2 yr break from each other might be good?? 

i dunno...what would you do????

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:38 AM

I would just keep her at the same school and teach dd how not to let other people interfere with their friendships that could be blooming.   She can be friends with the one child while being friends with others.  This was a big lesson dd's whole class learned in kindergarten.  That you dont have to have just one friend.  DD is in 1st grade and she has been to 3 birthday parties this year and has hung out with one of her closer friends twice besides that.   She is not a child who needs constant interaction so she is usually happy after school to just hang out around the house or go to a local park to play with other children.

alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:56 AM

 I've tried to tell/teach her that, but it ALWAYS comes back to this one girl!! and yes, my daughter is the same way, she is perfectly happy playing by herself at home, or at the park or wherever!! its more or less ME that feels bad that she doesn't have other friends to play with..

i even convinced my daughter to start playing with the boys..cuz there's less drama..lol...and she did! she was having a blast with the boys..we even met up with one of them on Halloween and went trick or treating with him..it was great! then one day my daughter started saying "well ___ doesn't like him, and she thinks hes gross, and that he laughs weird, and he has glasses etc etc etc..."  all this coming from the girl i don't like!!  but because SHE says this, my daughter believes her, and then her and the boy never played again..its like this with every OTHER friend my daughter makes..therefore the friendships never last..therefore she never gets playdates!!  even tho she wants to sooo bad!  this girl just needs to stay away from my daughter..but she wont!  uuugh, it's so frustrating!

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just keep her at the same school and teach dd how not to let other people interfere with their friendships that could be blooming.   She can be friends with the one child while being friends with others.  This was a big lesson dd's whole class learned in kindergarten.  That you dont have to have just one friend.  DD is in 1st grade and she has been to 3 birthday parties this year and has hung out with one of her closer friends twice besides that.   She is not a child who needs constant interaction so she is usually happy after school to just hang out around the house or go to a local park to play with other children.

 

ahappymommy
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:01 AM

I dont know my son isnt hanging out with anyone but his cousin LOL! But when I was young, if my mom didnt approve of the friend, we didnt have the friend, thats just how it worked!  

alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:18 AM

Quoting ahappymommy:

I dont know my son isnt hanging out with anyone but his cousin LOL! But when I was young, if my mom didnt approve of the friend, we didnt have the friend, thats just how it worked!  

 yes!! that's how it was in my house too when i was a kid!

belindah
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:35 AM
2 moms liked this
Try putting her in events after school like dance or acting something this other girl doesn't attend. Why not have sleepovers at your house just two other kids.
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cookingmomma790
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:47 AM

Not sure but buhumbug on that other girl for interfering

edieda
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:04 AM

I totally agree with Belindah's suggestion, that putting her in other after school or weekend activities that the other girl doesn't belong to, could help your daughter in having more friends and also enjoy activities that could allow her to broaden her horizons and make new friends. The other girl on the other hand to me sounds like bad news, she sounds like she's the type that is a bully and is trying to run your daughter's life in terms of who she can and cannot have as friends.  If you know the other girls mother perhaps it might help to have a talk with her, ( but then again, she might be in self denial and not even want to realize that her daughter has developed a very dangerous pattern- one that if it's not stopped can be a life long problem for her ) I would continue to talk to your daughter the way you have been, encourage her to be friendly to everyone. It sounds like you are on the right track as far as offering her the encouragement and those talks that you are having with her in the long run will help her to see that her that the other girl is not a friend, and in time she could eventually stop playing with her, now this is not to say that she won't stop speaking to her, but with any new friendships she has formed and new activities that she may be participating in she won't have the time to spend this with this girl.

RosesReally
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:06 AM
2 moms liked this

She is cute. 

Talk Issues:

Talk about issues rather than the friends, and use specific examples. Say, "I notice you're swearing more lately. That's not acceptable and I expect it to stop.

Explore Attraction:

Explore the attraction of the friends. Say, "What do you like about John?" or, "How does Jane make you feel when you're around her?" It can help you address concerns later if you understand the attraction. 

Set Limits:

Set limits and use structure. Say, "If you cut school with John, you will not be able to see him for a week." You've set a limit. If your child doesn't meet this expectation, he also knows the consequence up front.

Know the Friends:

Get to know the friends. Invite them to your home so you can talk to them and understand them. Also, get to know the parents. You can keep better tabs on your child or you might find out this "wrong crowd" is not so bad after all.

marisab
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:20 AM
dont have this issue yet so heres abump!!
nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:31 AM
3 moms liked this

It is never to soon to start teaching our kids to stand up for themselves. To think, and act, for themselves.

When your daughter says things like - " Miss Control Freak doesn't like my friend Mr Glasses. She says he is gross and I should stay away from him" - ask her what SHE thinks of Mr Glasses, not what her "friend" thinks.

Ask her if she had fun hanging out with him.

Ask her if she thinks it is OK to make fun of, or ignore, someone because they wear glasses, or laugh differently from her?

Ask her how SHE would feel if Mr Glasses stopped being her friend just because someone told him that long hair was "gross", and "weird".

Tell her she need to make her OWN decisions about people, and not just blindly go along with something she KNOWS is not right.

Keep reminding her of these things, along with letting her know that you know she is smart, and brave, enough to do the right things, and make her OWN decisions.

If she decides to drop someone just because of this girl, let her know that you are disappointed in her decision, but as long as it was HER decision, not her "friend's", that you will support her.

Eventually, she will learn to trust/believe in herself. She will also learn that this girl is not really her friend.


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