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Ugh! Why Can't I Get My Kid To Do Homework!? Help

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:31 PM
  • 31 Replies

I have a 9 year old son who I have to fight constantly with in order to get his homework done! He is  in the 3rd grade and since he has started it has been a constant struggle with him. This is our schedule: first he breaks out the homework (math, reading assignment, writing assignment), I explain the assignment to him, he complains it's too hard and his teacher didn't show him how to do it ( not true), we work through the initial complaint and he begins, then I  have to correct it ( This is where we have the major meltdown!), he cries, and cries, and cries for a good 15-20 minutes before my husband and I send him to his room to calm down. After he calms, we call him back out to the kitchen to complete his homework, we calmly explain to him why his answers are wrong and help him to correct answers. I don't do this with him initially because I want him to try first on his own to see how much he actually knows and can do alone. Usually after the second tantrum he comes around but by this time it's late and he can't go outside to play anymore and he's upset all over again!  I have had many meetings with the teacher and counselor at the school.  He clearly understand the information he receives in class and participates and answers questions correctly when the teacher calls on him but he struggles so much with the paperwork his teacher brings home. I am seriously considering home schooling him. I think he may just need more individual attention that his teacher can't provide in a classroom of about 25.

I currently  work full-time but I have now begun to work from home as well and my goal is to stay home full time so that I can spend more time with my kids and help them to develop in not only academics, but in outdoor activities too. My husband and I both work long shift so by the time we get home the schedule is literally helping with homework while I cook dinner simultaneously, eat dinner, read  a quick book, bath, and bed. That is just no way to live. I know many people are having this same issue and I just really can't believe that this is the way life has to be is it?

Even though I am brand new to this working from home I am enjoying it thoroughly and I cannot wait to be able to actually enjoy life with my kids! We have never even been to Disneyland! Every kid should enjoy that right! I hope that once things take off life will get better for my and my family. If anyone has any suggestions I would be more than happy to listen or read any advice given :) But I have tries nearly every angle I can think of and haven't found a solution. Oh yeah, and according to my son's teacher my son may be in jeopardy of being held back which would just crush him and I think that would only damage his self-esteem and make things worst for him academically.

Again, if anyone has any feedback I am all hears.

Thanks for reading.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Mine never had a choice. Don't do homework you have no life. Early on they knew this. Mine are grown now. We checked it every night. Not done right, they had to re do it also.
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:38 PM

That isnt a right going to disneyland or disney world.   DD struggles as well.   We usually give her a 30 minute break after school to have a snack or watch a quick tv show.   When she does not want to cooperate to do her homework, she loses her computer privilege for that day.  She is in the 1st grade and they need to develop independant working skills so I have her read by herself and if she needs help with the reading journal I will help.   I let her turn in homework wrong so that the teacher can see what her strengths and weaknesses are in the subject.

motherslove82
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:43 PM
Because homework is an unnecessary pain in the ass and they would rather be doing something else? I hate homework and homework time with a passion. The best I can say to my kids is "sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in life."
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:43 PM
Lower grades its ok to turn in wrong homework. Hs, it is better if the parent can point out wrong homework, especially math and have then redo it. If not, in hs they may not learn what they missed.


Quoting frndlyfn:

That isnt a right going to disneyland or disney world.   DD struggles as well.   We usually give her a 30 minute break after school to have a snack or watch a quick tv show.   When she does not want to cooperate to do her homework, she loses her computer privilege for that day.  She is in the 1st grade and they need to develop independant working skills so I have her read by herself and if she needs help with the reading journal I will help.   I let her turn in homework wrong so that the teacher can see what her strengths and weaknesses are in the subject.


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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:44 PM
If they don't learn homework and study habits they are doomed in college.


Quoting motherslove82:

Because homework is an unnecessary pain in the ass and they would rather be doing something else? I hate homework and homework time with a passion. The best I can say to my kids is "sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in life."

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CatFishMom
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:51 PM

I homeschool so Im all for it. My son is almost five and already nearly done with kindergarten. The individual attention and the simple ability to work at their own pace are two of the best parts of homeschooling, and two of the greatest benefits. I completely agree with that not being any way to live-it was one of the things I factored into my decision. My husband gets home at four oclock, the kids are in bed by seven, seven thirty if stories run late. He only gets three hours with them as it is(yes, that would go up a little as my oldest gets bigger), the idea of having to waste any of that time doing homework or teaching my kid myself anyway because the teachers are so busy teaching a test in class that they dont teach anything REAL, was abhorrent to me. (That comes from a friend of a friend getting a letter sent home saying 'we're introducing multiplication but due to FCAT prep, we will not be teaching it beyond introduction.' it was up to the parents to teach them their multiplication) If I have to teach my kids anyway, Im doing it my way, in my time (aka my kids' time) so I dont have to waste their and my lives bowing to a school system. Good luck!

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:52 PM

Right.  I talked to her teacher about this.  When she sends home work that dd struggles with we will do our best to correct that.


Quoting atlmom2:

Lower grades its ok to turn in wrong homework. Hs, it is better if the parent can point out wrong homework, especially math and have then redo it. If not, in hs they may not learn what they missed.


Quoting frndlyfn:

That isnt a right going to disneyland or disney world.   DD struggles as well.   We usually give her a 30 minute break after school to have a snack or watch a quick tv show.   When she does not want to cooperate to do her homework, she loses her computer privilege for that day.  She is in the 1st grade and they need to develop independant working skills so I have her read by herself and if she needs help with the reading journal I will help.   I let her turn in homework wrong so that the teacher can see what her strengths and weaknesses are in the subject.




down2biz
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:01 PM

I am really thinking home schooling is the best option I have at this point. I don't want my kids to suffer just because the teacher doesn't have/want to put in a little extra time to help him understand a problem.

I usually correct his homework with him now  because when I use to send his homework to class with questions he left incorrect the teacher would send it back home with a slash through each question that was wrong and send it back home LOL So there was no point.

What really bothers me is that our relationship is suffering because the only time we get together  through the weekdays are arguing over homework :( Things calm down before he goes to bed and I assure him that I love him, Im not mad at him, and that I just want him to do well in school and that seems to help but ugh! It's definitely draining.

down2biz
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:03 PM

No it's definitley not a right. It's just one of those things I would like to do with my kids if I had the time or money to do so. That part really had nothing to do with my kids homework lol I just went off on a tangent there  :)

the3Rs
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:09 PM

Based on your description I would sit with him WHILE he does the homework.  Have him explain out loud his thought process as he's completing it.  This way you can see where his thought process is going awry and be able to head it off at the pass.  It will give you greater insight into WHY he's getting things wrong at home instead of just saying "you did it wrong.  do it again".  That would piss me off too, quite frankly.

Obviously HE would be doing the work, but it sounds like he needs a bit of redirection - sooner rather than later - and you both might have a lightbulb moment and discover where the disconnect is.  You can ask leading questions if he gets stuck, etc. 

You mention him needing more individual attention - but you're not really giving it to him.  You're only stepping in after he got it all wrong which does no one any good.

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