Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

A question for all you moms who don't spank, yet have disciplined kids

Posted by   + Show Post
How do you do it?

My 3 yo is driving me insane. I'm a wreck. Everytime I look at her I want to cry. I don't know the first thing about discipline, but I know I don't want to spank and no one supports my decision.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:12 PM
Replies (261-270):
Madameileen
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:04 AM

Spanking does have it's place.  Not all kids need a spanking though.  Look at their maturity, allow a learning curve, be aware of their age.  Spanking should not be all the time, everyday or everysituation.  Know your child. Set clear distict limits. Time outs and talks first. I use Spanking for a final corproal, bad beyond bad actions that need to deliver a stern message.  Such as: "For the 10th time do NOT climb on top of our 6 foot wall!" Would be followed up by a spank.  A little pain to discourage a future deadly fall. 


Northwest_angel
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:47 AM
We used the 123 magic and loved it. My kids are 12 and 12 now. If we need to use discipline now we take away privileges like TV, phone, going out with friends, etc.

My kids are happy, confident, well adjusted, they do well academically and socially. I really believe this us because we do not use any form of corporal punishment. Best of luck to you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
greenishgirl
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:07 PM

We do time outs in his room with my 3 year old. It's like a little reset button for him when he's being bad. But, in order to get him to go and stay we had to be very consistent. Be prepared for several days to weeks of constant reinforcement. Prepare yourself mentally and DO NOT LET HER WIN! Also, if it's getting too much for you, wait for a good moment and start something fun or leave the house (even to drive around in the car and have a snack). DS does great in his car seat so I would use that as a break for myself when it got too difficult.

Good luck! It's hard but SO worth it to have a child that listens and obeys!

kfroz0415
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:22 PM

Honestly the best thing I ever created was "mom bucks." She may be a bit young for the concept though... Basically my 6 yr old starts the summer "broke" meaning no mom bucks and not much to do (that part really isn't as bad as it sounds... lol). By staying on schedule, we wrote out a schedule together that gives him a wake up time (I do wake him up), then he has a set amount of time to use the bathroom (potty/teeth/etc), then time for breakfast. If he gets done without reminders he earns one mom buck. Then throughout the day we have time for lunch, craft/art hour, quiet time (his younger brother naps, he has to pick a quiet calm activity like reading for that period while pick up), then there are spans of "free time," then of course dinner, and snack/bed routine. He can use the bucks to buy special activities during free time. He helped me make the coupons and they include things like going to the park, a trip to the waterpark, movie night, he picks supper/breakfast/lunch, bike ride, fly kites, etc. 

I did this last summer and we had the best summer as far as attitude. He's a good kid, but he has an attitude-y streak. lol

We did timeouts when he was younger and it never seemed to "sink in" with him. Then I did the naughty jar and he had to pay the naughty jar for certain things, worked pretty well for back talking, but not much else. He has been spanked, but on very rare occasion and only after multiple warnings and redirection. If she is throwing a physical tantrum and you don't want to spank all I can really suggest is to find the safest way to pick her up and place her back in time out. I would also let her know time out does not begin until she can control her temper. 

mama2my2boys
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:26 PM
I have a 7yr old a 4yr old and a 2yr old.....for all of them when they are doing something i ask them not to do i tell them 1x...then i count to 3 if they still dont listen they get time out and time out is 1min for every yr they are old....when they get out of time out and if they go back to doing what they were before then i tell them to stop 1x...if they dont its back to time out.....by the 3rd time if they dont listen i spank them and they go to their room to think about what they are doing and why its wrong...when they figure out what they did wrong they can come out and tell me why i did what i did and they will behave.....of course my 2yr old cant do that yet but she does stay in timeout without moving for 2 min.....but some days nothing works so they get sent to their rooms to clean and dust and just sit on their bed till they can behave!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
linaS.83
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:33 PM

I had similar problem at I consulted my pediatric she recommended reading a book call 1 2 3 magic and guess what it worked well with my son, I am not saying he is a perfect boy who does not do anything wrong anymore neither I am saying he is an angel who listens to me and obey immediately but our relationship is much better now and I actually enjoy spending time with him.

Caryss_mommy
by New Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:07 PM

All children respond differently to discipline. With my little brother all it took was one swat on the behind and he broke down into tears and started apologizing and wanting to be hugged and re-assured that he was forgiven. At which point our dad took that opportunity to explain what it was he had done wrong and why he shouldn't be doing it. For me, though... light discipline did NOT work on me, I will just leave it at that. But you won't know how much discipline is necessary for your child until you try it! Who knows, she might be like my brother!

If the wind will not serve, take to the oars.

gordon3
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:11 PM

I count down, 5-4-3-2-1... okay time out... normally everything is being done by the time i get to 1 :)

SumthingSublime
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:35 PM

We just got custody of my fiance's 6 year old and his mom spoiled him to the core, so I am in the same boat as you with the whole driving me insane. I don't know the first thing about discipline either. I know that I probably couldn't spank as well. I'm going to try reading this 123 magic book that others are talking about. Good Luck!

MotherOfPurpose
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:59 PM

Be consistent, find out what your kids favorites are and take those things away as punishment. etc sending a kid to their room if they don't mind being alone won't work. My dd likes doing arts and crafts on saturday. She hasnt misbehaved badly since i took one away(we were supposed to made kalidescopes on that one). Keep your calm no matter how spastic the get. Do not speak or give eye contact until time out is over, if they move time starts over, if they are loud time starts over.If they hit a favorite activity or toy is taken way and not given back.. Mostly if you make a threat follow through ... Consequences have to be real.....

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN