Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

A question for all you moms who don't spank, yet have disciplined kids

Posted by   + Show Post
How do you do it?

My 3 yo is driving me insane. I'm a wreck. Everytime I look at her I want to cry. I don't know the first thing about discipline, but I know I don't want to spank and no one supports my decision.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:12 PM
Replies (271-280):
uriahadel
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 5:13 AM
I agree with this!!! There are very few kids in this world who doesn't need to be spanked and yours doesn't sound like one of those kids


Quoting Lindalou907:

I would smack her butt, but if you don't want to spank, I respect that, just hold her down. Kids need limits, she really does want to know what the rules are and what the consequenses are for breaking them. She is "strong willed" which can be very difficult, but you have to be stronger or she will get into all kinds of trouble as a teenager!




Quoting _AshlynNicole:

I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.



Quoting Lindalou907:

Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bonita131
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:09 AM

 


Quoting Madameileen:

Spanking does have it's place.  Not all kids need a spanking though.  Look at their maturity, allow a learning curve, be aware of their age.  Spanking should not be all the time, everyday or everysituation.  Know your child. Set clear distict limits. Time outs and talks first. I use Spanking for a final corproal, bad beyond bad actions that need to deliver a stern message.  Such as: "For the 10th time do NOT climb on top of our 6 foot wall!" Would be followed up by a spank.  A little pain to discourage a future deadly fall. 

 

Spanking is hitting, hitting is assault. Spanking does not as you say, have it's place, any where at any time. If you spank your child, you are assaulting your child. If you did the same to an adult, you'd be charged with assault & possibly spend some time in jail. There is no difference.    

Sunshine257
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:11 AM
Time out take privledges away. No matter how many times he would do something bad he went straight to time out.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TomiiM
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 7:34 AM

 

I'm not against spanking, but my daughter was very similar... When I spanked, she would just turn around and hit me.  Hitting begets hitting... I took away EVERY SINGLE TOY, I tried time outs, I talked to her about why she was getting time outs... Nothing worked... When I spoke to her Pedi, she told me to not talk to her about why she was getting a time out.  Just put her there.  At three they are old enough to know what they did wrong.  Also, only focus on 3-4 rules.  i.e. no hitting, obey mommy, no yelling... More than that is too much to work on at a time.  Then it is just a matter of saying "Go to timeout".  Figure out where the timeouts work best, like where she can see others having fun (to make her see that behaving badly is just making her miss out), or in her room, where she can not see/hear anyone.  Once she is in timeout do not talk/pay attention at all to her.  Also, I have found since then that "natural consequences" work best.  That doesn't mean don't do timeouts at all, but do things that make sense too.  Like, when she takes a long time getting ready for bed, she can't have a book.  You can't behave at the store, so now we don't get to go to the park after (if you do that sort of thing).  I do a lot of, you are misbehaving a lot, so you must be tired, go lay down in bed and try to take a nap.  Once you are rested and can behave, you can come out, but they must not be crying anymore. 

Quoting Lindalou907:

I would smack her butt, but if you don't want to spank, I respect that, just hold her down. Kids need limits, she really does want to know what the rules are and what the consequenses are for breaking them. She is "strong willed" which can be very difficult, but you have to be stronger or she will get into all kinds of trouble as a teenager!

 

 

Quoting _AshlynNicole:

I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.

Quoting Lindalou907:

Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.

 

 


 

bellica101
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:38 PM

I also use timeouts I dont believe in spanking

_AshlynNicole
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:43 PM
I wish I could do that! My DD has such a smart mouth, if I asked her that she would say "yes". Smh

Quoting 5PointedHuman:

I ask politely once, firmly tell once, and then it's corner time. I don't speak until I have eye contact either. When my son is getting out of hand, I'll ask him if he's proud of himself right now. The answer is always 'no', if he's acting up, and we then discuss how he can be a better leader for his younger sister.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
_AshlynNicole
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:44 PM
I've tried that also. Our reward chart didn't last past a week :( Maybe I just don't have enough oomph. I always try and focus on her good behavior and that works great, until she starts acting up.

Quoting LntLckrsCmQut:

Time outs, reward chart, taking things away. We also focus more on good behavior than unruly behavior.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
_AshlynNicole
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 3:04 PM
I've tried. I'll usually throw it in the closet, where the the trash can is (it's also the laundry room). But she will start kicking and screaming. I'll put her in her room and she'll go into a rage and kick down her gate.

Quoting MissTacoBell:

Take away her favorite toy (I find throwing them in a trash bag highly effective). Not throwing but away but letting her know all you need to do is go out to the bin and dump it.




Quoting _AshlynNicole:

I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.





Quoting Lindalou907:

Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
_AshlynNicole
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 3:05 PM
I'm going to have to try this!!

Quoting Sassy762:

I have never spanked a child in 34 years ( I had 7 kids and 9 grandkids....I have custody of my 4 youngest grandkids). I have always used Time Outs, taking away privileges, they do extra chores. The thing is you have to be consistant and don't back down and relent after a few days

BTW....3 isn't so bad......just wait until the teen years. Then you will be praying for her to be 3 again, lol

I found this online about the children's temperaments according to their age

Whimsical Ones (x1) 
Terrible Twos (x2) 
Terrifying Threes (x3) 
Fearsome Fours (x4) 
FIERCE FIVES (x5) 
Sour Sixes (x6) 
SNEAKY SEVENS (x7) 
EVIL EIGHTS (x8) 
Nasty Nines (x9) 
Tense TENS (x10) 
ELECTRIFYING ELEVENS (x11) 
TRICKY TWELVEs (x12) 
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
bookdragon
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 12:09 PM

 I stand mine in a corner. They have to stand with their noses right in the corner of two walls, they aren't allowed to make any noise, for every sound they make it's 5 more minutes. All 4 of my kids hate standing in the corner so it works well.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured