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A question for all you moms who don't spank, yet have disciplined kids

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How do you do it?

My 3 yo is driving me insane. I'm a wreck. Everytime I look at her I want to cry. I don't know the first thing about discipline, but I know I don't want to spank and no one supports my decision.
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by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:12 PM
Replies (51-60):
Jamie1972
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:24 PM

if you consistent with time outs it will work. or try a chore. every time she acts up have her scrub a wall. or take a privilege away for a bit. like no tv for a day or whatever privilege she has. but the key is be consistent.

whoodathunk
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 7:40 PM

I used time outs, but the key is consistanty.  You might be the bad guy someday, you have to be willing to be disliked at times.

OwlNuggets
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:57 PM

Time out, one minute for how old she is (3 mins)

piwife
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:55 PM
I spank but I don't spank for everything. First discipline needs to start early... I do time outs, time ins , rediraction, taking things away.
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lady-J-Rock
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Time outs or as we call them a break. They may go their room they may read a book wherever they please but they must take a short break. They may rejoin us when they feel ready. Sometimes it's a minute they came back apologize then it's over with. My oldest will be 11 next month. If she is mean to me or anybody else she must write a letter of apology. If she takes something without permission has to return it and then her stuff becomes fair game for her little sister to play with. I get tons of compliments on how well behaved my kids are

wissotamum
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:13 AM

I'm a fan of 123 Magic.  It's a good system for stopping poor behavior and encouraging good behavior.  It also helps to keep in mind that at 3 years old, it's normal for them to not have complete control over their emotions.  Set them up for good behavior by providing consistency.  123 Magic also helps you figure out your triggers - the stuff that sets you off and helps you find ways around those situations.


Bonita131
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:20 AM

 


Quoting Bubandrorysmom:

i would say if you like him dr phil has a lot of techniques on his web site that are helpful..if you dont like him thats fine to, anyway he say find your childs currency(that means what she likes the most) and work with that for my son who is almost 8 it is video games, he knows if he is bad that will be the first thing to go. also i do use time outs on my son and i agree with the other moms they do work if you stick to it. and i noticed you said she flops around and kicks and stuff..if it gets that bad maybe you should put her in her room and let her have her melt down and then when she is calmed down for a few minuets try talking to her after that sometimes my son does have these days and he just needs some time alone to have his little melt downs and then when the energy is out he seems to feel alot better, i havent heard of 123 magic but now im gonna google it lol seems intresting :)..i hope this helps you and p.s who cares if other people dont like the fact you dont spank your kid, i have heard all that myself just let it slide off your back you are the mom and you know whats best for your child ..good luck :)

Dr Phil is a quack who'll tell you the color red will cure your sickness or make your emotional child better, if he gets enough money and media exposure. Shame on you for even thinking of recommending such a useless excuse for a human being.

 

cemcnair
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Try time-ins instead. First, get you and the child calm by counting to ten together and deep breaths. Once the child is calm, you discuss the actions that were unacceptable. Figure out why she acted like that and come up with solutions together.

Quoting _AshlynNicole:

I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.



Quoting Lindalou907:

Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.

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Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:29 AM
It depends on the child. I've studied a lot on restraint. Some kids like the pressure and touch an it calms them right down. You have to hold them properly by sitting with them on your lap and holding them against you.
Others you must walk away from and they will give up an move on. Restraint can work wonders just not for all kids


Quoting 5PointedHuman:

Oh my god. Do not hold a child down! This results in her feeling constricted and causes things to escalate. Walk away. When she gets out of time out, put her back without uttering a word. Repeat as many times as needed. Yes, this child is strong willed, which is why the mother and father must encourage her to be strong willed about doing the right thing.



Quoting Lindalou907:

I would smack her butt, but if you don't want to spank, I respect that, just hold her down. Kids need limits, she really does want to know what the rules are and what the consequenses are for breaking them. She is "strong willed" which can be very difficult, but you have to be stronger or she will get into all kinds of trouble as a teenager!




Quoting _AshlynNicole:

I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.



Quoting Lindalou907:

Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.







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LizzieAnnesMom
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:29 AM
Time outs are downright devastating to my DD.
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