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At A loss 😢 Please, no bashing. **UPDATE**

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:46 PM
  • 86 Replies
DH and I are completely at our wits end. Both of our older boys, DS5 and SS5, have been acting absolutely HORRIBLE over the last few months. Their behavior has gotten steadily worse over the past year. They refuse to listen, have no respect for anyone or anything, destroy everything they can get their hands on (breaking windows, getting into things that don't belong to them, busting holes in walls, breaking toys, you name it, they've done it). We've done everything we can possibly think of, rewards and consequences, time outs, correcting behavior, grounding, spanking, we've even worked with the teachers and principal at school, absolutely nothing works. We're open to suggestions from anyone at this point. DS does have an appointment with a behavioral specialist in two weeks, and SS has seen a counselor due to past issues from BM. Please don't bash, we really have tried everything we can think of, we're just looking for fresh ideas. Thank you in advance.

**UPDATE**
Sorry I didn't have time to update after DS's appointment yesterday. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, and has tendencies for ODD. The doctor wants to treat the ADHD first, because she believes his ODD tendencies are due to his impulse control from the ADHD. So, he started taking medicine today, and will go back to the doctor on the 30th. We're really hoping this will make a difference in his behavior. She also wants us to praise his good behavior (which we already do) and to ignore the attention based bad behavior. Basically, we want him to learn that bad behavior doesn't get him the attention he wants, only good behavior will. Here's hoping it all works!
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by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:00 PM
7 moms liked this
You are trying too many kinds of discipline. Use one discipline and be strict and consistant.
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Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, that's very good that you have an appointment scheduled. I think that probably you aren't truly being consistant with your disipline, you need to pick ONE thing, the thing they hate the most, and give them ONE warning, or count to three, and then enforce it. Whether it's a 5 minute time out or a loss of screen time, whatever it is. They will learn. If you're just doing a lot of yelling or making idle threats they will take full advantage of you mama. Also read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" It's a game changer! And really an easy, quick, read.

leanntx
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:10 PM
The list is what we have tried over the course of time, after speaking with the counselor for SS and the principal at their school. Their advice was that if there hasn't been an improvement in six weeks, to try something else until we find something that sticks. Problem is, we haven't found anything that even SUGGESTS at improvement.


Quoting atlmom2:

You are trying too many kinds of discipline. Use one discipline and be strict and consistant.

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leanntx
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:14 PM
We've been going by the advice we were given by the counselor for SS and the principal at their school. We were told that if there is no improvement within 6 weeks, to try something else, only problem is, nothing we try even phases them. I'm really hoping that seeing the doctor for DS will help.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Well, that's very good that you have an appointment scheduled. I think that probably you aren't truly being consistant with your disipline, you need to pick ONE thing, the thing they hate the most, and give them ONE warning, or count to three, and then enforce it. Whether it's a 5 minute time out or a loss of screen time, whatever it is. They will learn. If you're just doing a lot of yelling or making idle threats they will take full advantage of you mama. Also read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" It's a game changer! And really an easy, quick, read.


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texasmommy125
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

What is going on in the house, maybe with you or DH?  It is likely they are picking up on those vibes and acting out.  Good job scheduling that appointment.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:22 PM

Do they have any medical issues, ADD or anything diagnosed? Are you guys getting along and being loving to each other? (Even when it's so hard with your blended family?) We were just talking last night how much better kids behaved when you could just spank them, honestly! I mean, you still can but it's frowned upon.



Quoting leanntx:

We've been going by the advice we were given by the counselor for SS and the principal at their school. We were told that if there is no improvement within 6 weeks, to try something else, only problem is, nothing we try even phases them. I'm really hoping that seeing the doctor for DS will help.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Well, that's very good that you have an appointment scheduled. I think that probably you aren't truly being consistant with your disipline, you need to pick ONE thing, the thing they hate the most, and give them ONE warning, or count to three, and then enforce it. Whether it's a 5 minute time out or a loss of screen time, whatever it is. They will learn. If you're just doing a lot of yelling or making idle threats they will take full advantage of you mama. Also read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" It's a game changer! And really an easy, quick, read.




leanntx
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:22 PM
There's nothing out of ordinary between DH and I. We have a very loving and respectful relationship, and rarely argue, and don't argue at all in front of the kids. Everything between us is a partnership and we try to make sure that the boys not only see that, but understand it as well.


Quoting texasmommy125:

What is going on in the house, maybe with you or DH?  It is likely they are picking up on those vibes and acting out.  Good job scheduling that appointment.


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leanntx
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:30 PM
SS has speech difficulties, he can't always pronounce words correctly, and he is in therapy for that at school. DS has an appointment scheduled later this month with a behavioral specialist to evaluate the possibility of ADD or any other behavioral issues. We're actually a very loving family, we make sure to tell and show all of our kids on a daily basis that we love them, and the two of us have a wonderful relationship. I'm with you on spanking, but with the way they've been behaving, it would get to be excessive if we spanked them every time they misbehaved, hence part of our current dilemma.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Do they have any medical issues, ADD or anything diagnosed? Are you guys getting along and being loving to each other? (Even when it's so hard with your blended family?) We were just talking last night how much better kids behaved when you could just spank them, honestly! I mean, you still can but it's frowned upon.




Quoting leanntx:

We've been going by the advice we were given by the counselor for SS and the principal at their school. We were told that if there is no improvement within 6 weeks, to try something else, only problem is, nothing we try even phases them. I'm really hoping that seeing the doctor for DS will help.





Quoting Lindalou907:

Well, that's very good that you have an appointment scheduled. I think that probably you aren't truly being consistant with your disipline, you need to pick ONE thing, the thing they hate the most, and give them ONE warning, or count to three, and then enforce it. Whether it's a 5 minute time out or a loss of screen time, whatever it is. They will learn. If you're just doing a lot of yelling or making idle threats they will take full advantage of you mama. Also read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" It's a game changer! And really an easy, quick, read.







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beadingmom17
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:36 PM
What is their diet like? Are there a lot of processed foods? Or mostly fresh meats and produce? Do they consume a lot of sugary foods?
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MunchiesMom324
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:39 PM
I do tokens. There's a list on the wall of what they can do to earn tokens. Some things earn more tokens than others, and each kid has his own color (so no stealing or bribing). Screen time and extra bedtime stories cost tokens... if they don't have enough tokens, well, too bad. Also, certain behaviors (whining, talking back, yelling at me, fighting with brothers, etc) cost them as well. It's to the point all I have to do is say "Do I hear fighting? That's going to cost someone a token...." and it stops.
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