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I'm f***** fed up

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:03 PM
  • 12 Replies

 I am feeling as if i wanna try to conceive for 2nd, but I am fearing this.I'm currently sahm now. I'm planning on working soon though. But, my marriage has gone kinda stale, my hub isnt expressing love to me in physical and emotional way, for example less hugging, kissing, bonding. He just comes home from work and zones out on the TV. We do talk a little, but hes distant with me, and it kills me. Hes been like this for about 2 years and i dont know whats wrong. I;m not likinng it and to try to get sex i gotta mention it to him alot, and then i end up making comments such as "arent you gonna kiss me? or lets do it what are you waiting for?" My man should be after me, and not making me feel unwanted. Its ridiculous. He has always been kinda a quiet type but he does communicate with me. I'm telling he's leading me to look outside my marriage, but i dont want to though. I want some attention and hes being distannt. What is this? Is this typical marriage phases and shouldnt cause worry? Ladies, has this ever happened to you? Also, its almost gonna be 7 years in our marriage.,

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:31 PM

Have you tried talking to a neutral 3rd party like a marriage counselor or a therapist one on one?  You tell him he is going to cause you to stray?  There could be a depression  on his part that is not readily seeable by us since it can manifest in many ways.

Beenhereforever
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:33 PM
Have you told him you thought about cheating?? It might wake him up .
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:44 PM
Why do you wanna bring a child into the mix??
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Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Instead of concentrating on your frustration, which is understandable and worrisome (and I agree don't bring another baby into the picture right now, it will only complicate matters),  think what you would like if the roles were reversed. If you worked hard all day and came home, what is your impulse- maybe to plop down in front of the TV. If your stay at home husband welcomes you home with a smile and a hug, asks how your day was, gives you a chance to unwind and get your breath,  has the food that you like on the table,  lets you play with the child, - this is an appealing picture.  Make sure the house is his castle, that it is the place he looks forward to coming to at the end of the day. Something that I found helps enormously is getting away just the two of you on maybe one weekend a month.  We stayed at B&Bs and held hands, walked, laughed over dinner. We never went very far, just far enough that we didn't have household and job worries. Also date nights maybe once a week. If you can't arrange for a sitter, have date night in your house, after the little one is in bed, dress up a bit, nice tablecloth, candle, smiles,  nice meal. Depending on how well your child sleeps, you could come to the in-house date night wearing only an apron, or something else to startle him out of complacency, but always with a sense of humor.

Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:07 PM

I should also suggest a medical check up if he hasn't had one in a while. Sometimes there are physical reasons.

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:13 PM

Don't bring another child into the world until your marriage stable.

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stargaze281
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:13 PM

 yes thanks for this advice, I honestly felt like crying when reading this, lol. I think getting
 away would be good,but i also feel as if I have to be the one to plan this, I dont know why seems likehe isnt putting this effort for "us". I don't know. I'll see.

Quoting Bmat:

Instead of concentrating on your frustration, which is understandable and worrisome (and I agree don't bring another baby into the picture right now, it will only complicate matters),  think what you would like if the roles were reversed. If you worked hard all day and came home, what is your impulse- maybe to plop down in front of the TV. If your stay at home husband welcomes you home with a smile and a hug, asks how your day was, gives you a chance to unwind and get your breath,  has the food that you like on the table,  lets you play with the child, - this is an appealing picture.  Make sure the house is his castle, that it is the place he looks forward to coming to at the end of the day. Something that I found helps enormously is getting away just the two of you on maybe one weekend a month.  We stayed at B&Bs and held hands, walked, laughed over dinner. We never went very far, just far enough that we didn't have household and job worries. Also date nights maybe once a week. If you can't arrange for a sitter, have date night in your house, after the little one is in bed, dress up a bit, nice tablecloth, candle, smiles,  nice meal. Depending on how well your child sleeps, you could come to the in-house date night wearing only an apron, or something else to startle him out of complacency, but always with a sense of humor.


 

KeishaJL
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:20 PM

I had the 7 year lull too.  Hubby just wasn't interested.  Try doing something different in the bedroom.  Buy something sexy, lock the door and put on a porn, try some new moves.  Don't ask him, just take it.  I agree though that getting preggers is not ideal if you're having trouble.  After some sexy time just ask him what's really going on.  If he's stressed, how can you help? If he's depressed, what can you try?  If he's cheating, how fast can he gtfo? Just kidding.  I really hope things get better for you guys.  I know it can be really frustrating.

Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:24 AM

You're welcome. I always planned the outings. It wasn't what my husband liked to do- the research and planning, and I didn't mind. :)

Quoting stargaze281:

 yes thanks for this advice, I honestly felt like crying when reading this, lol. I think getting
 away would be good,but i also feel as if I have to be the one to plan this, I dont know why seems likehe isnt putting this effort for "us". I don't know. I'll see.

Quoting Bmat:

Instead of concentrating on your frustration, which is understandable and worrisome (and I agree don't bring another baby into the picture right now, it will only complicate matters),  think what you would like if the roles were reversed. If you worked hard all day and came home, what is your impulse- maybe to plop down in front of the TV. If your stay at home husband welcomes you home with a smile and a hug, asks how your day was, gives you a chance to unwind and get your breath,  has the food that you like on the table,  lets you play with the child, - this is an appealing picture.  Make sure the house is his castle, that it is the place he looks forward to coming to at the end of the day. Something that I found helps enormously is getting away just the two of you on maybe one weekend a month.  We stayed at B&Bs and held hands, walked, laughed over dinner. We never went very far, just far enough that we didn't have household and job worries. Also date nights maybe once a week. If you can't arrange for a sitter, have date night in your house, after the little one is in bed, dress up a bit, nice tablecloth, candle, smiles,  nice meal. Depending on how well your child sleeps, you could come to the in-house date night wearing only an apron, or something else to startle him out of complacency, but always with a sense of humor.




Mommy2justone
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:30 AM
I would concentrate on your marriage before another baby. Maybe some counceling?
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