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discipline help

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:43 PM
  • 25 Replies

so my 2 year old daughter has recently just started this act where she will go up and take peoples seats, phones, etc. and we will tell her to give them back and she will say no i dont care and i am trying to discipline to where where i count to 3 and if she doesnt listen she goes in the corner and i just did it to her a few minutes ago because she stole my friends seat and she wouldnt get up and i told her she has to the count of 3 and she just sat there and said i dont care, i counted to 3 and i got up and put her in the corner and my fiance said you put her in the corner for that? do you think i shouldnt have put her in the corner for that? what are some quick ways if possible to get her to stop doing these things? my fiance gets tired of telling her to stop but hes really not helping figure out a solution either :/....any positive advice would be greatly appreciated :)

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:43 PM
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:12 PM

For a proper timeout, I followed the british supernanny's technique.   You give one warning, then you put her in time out.  When you place her in the spot, you get down on her level to explain why she is placed there.  EX-- You are in time out since you did not listen to mommy and give back the phone.   She stays there for 2 minutes.  If she leaves the spot during time out , you walk her back to the spot and start the time over.   When she is able to sit/stand there for the 2 minutes, you go back and explain again why she was put there.  Ask for a hug and apology for not listening.   Some days it may not seem to phase her but that is ok.   Time outs are not meant ot cause pain rather teach self control over the unwanted behaviors.

yung_mom22
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:20 PM


i have tried that also. thats what i was doing before i started this 123 time out but my fiance gives in to her because as soon as she knows shes going to the corner, she starts screaming and wont stop until she comes out. i explain to her what she did wrong and ask her if shes sorry and she will say yes and give me a hug but my fiance thinks that when i want to put her in the corner for doing something wrong, he thinks i shouldnt because it doesnt seem like that big of a deal :/

Quoting frndlyfn:

For a proper timeout, I followed the british supernanny's technique.   You give one warning, then you put her in time out.  When you place her in the spot, you get down on her level to explain why she is placed there.  EX-- You are in time out since you did not listen to mommy and give back the phone.   She stays there for 2 minutes.  If she leaves the spot during time out , you walk her back to the spot and start the time over.   When she is able to sit/stand there for the 2 minutes, you go back and explain again why she was put there.  Ask for a hug and apology for not listening.   Some days it may not seem to phase her but that is ok.   Time outs are not meant ot cause pain rather teach self control over the unwanted behaviors.



frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:26 PM

What is the preferred method he wants then?   Both need to be on same page for consistency.  It is not meant to be a big deal rather a natural consequence for not being able to make a good choice.  My dd is 7 and I have been the main "meanie"for discipline just simply due to my guy having diabetes amongst other things that makes it harder for him to be focused.  I still use time outs when we are not home and when we are home she has been promoted to losing privileges for a day when she does not listen to us.


Quoting yung_mom22:


i have tried that also. thats what i was doing before i started this 123 time out but my fiance gives in to her because as soon as she knows shes going to the corner, she starts screaming and wont stop until she comes out. i explain to her what she did wrong and ask her if shes sorry and she will say yes and give me a hug but my fiance thinks that when i want to put her in the corner for doing something wrong, he thinks i shouldnt because it doesnt seem like that big of a deal :/

Quoting frndlyfn:

For a proper timeout, I followed the british supernanny's technique.   You give one warning, then you put her in time out.  When you place her in the spot, you get down on her level to explain why she is placed there.  EX-- You are in time out since you did not listen to mommy and give back the phone.   She stays there for 2 minutes.  If she leaves the spot during time out , you walk her back to the spot and start the time over.   When she is able to sit/stand there for the 2 minutes, you go back and explain again why she was put there.  Ask for a hug and apology for not listening.   Some days it may not seem to phase her but that is ok.   Time outs are not meant ot cause pain rather teach self control over the unwanted behaviors.





yung_mom22
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:37 PM

he doesnt really prefer anything actually. he just thinks that when i go to discipline her for something, he thinks i shouldnt like if i tell her to do something and she refuses, i will tell her shes gonna go in time out or im gonna count to three so that way she will learn when she is asked to do something she will do it so she wont have to be in time out and to be a good girl like i know she can be. but i feel like hes not trying to help me with discipline. even wwith potty training i ask him to help but he seems disinterested and i feel alone basically

Carreon
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:59 AM

So my 2 cents is that not everyday needs to be a battle. at the age of 2 she only knows what she wants and does not want, there is no actual steeling and may the grown ups need to give up the seat. I do think that telling a child no on everything is over kill. She is 2 let her take a seat put her on a lap. It seems like she knows she will get attention if she does this and maybe she is wanting more attention. See if you can change it into more of a game and put a positive spin on it. I am a time out mom and have found that a time out chair works and I count to 3 (slowly) and if they continue then they get a time out based on age. I do not start the clock over but I also stay in the room with my back to them. I most of my children did not fully respond to time out until they were 3 (reacting to the counting or warning) Now I very rarely have to put them in time out. You finance needs to do what you do and if you disagree talk about it later not around her this way she thinks you guys are always united.

LindaClement
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:21 AM

It's a 2yo... pick the child up and sit down.

There are not effective Voice Command Software programs for 2yos, so expecting them to 'do what they're told' is highly unlikely to work. 

If everyone around her knows she's going to 'steal' their phones, is there a reason they're within her reach? Apart from proving that she's a 'bad' person... it's an indication that she's outsmarting a lot of adults.

whoodathunk
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:00 PM
2 moms liked this

Contrary to others, I think you're doing right.  She needs to learn to listen and obey.  Be consistant and your life will be much easier in the long run.  At two, she's searching for limits, set them in a firm but gentle manner.  

Txlisa7969
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:52 PM
1 mom liked this

My best way of offering advice is to just tell you what I would have done in these situations when my kiddos were that age.  If she takes someones seat simply pick her up and say "Oh no that was so and so's seat, would you like to come sit with me?"  If she took someones phone I would take it from her and say "Oh that is so and so's phone lets go give it back to them."  At 2 years old they don't quite get the you do this or that because I said so.  Just like with say cleaning up their toys.  With a 2 yr old you aren't going to get very far by just telling them "Pick up your toys!"  You go with them and tell them it's clean up time and work with them so they get the idea.  This age takes a lot of patience, consistency and a good dose of a sense of humor.  Keep in mind this stage passes quite quickly and is just a blink of the eye in the whole grand scheme of things. 

la_bella_vita
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:21 PM

 Bump

LoreleiSieja
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Two year olds are not mature enough to understand the relationship between cause and effect - "if I do this, then that will happen".  They will NOT understand that if you punish them, it is because they did something naughty.  They will only learn that you get mad at them. For this reason, time-outs are NOT recommended for two-year-olds, and are, in fact, outlawed for day cares to use.  

When a two year old doesn't listen to you, then you gently, but firmly, make them obey.  If you tell them to get up out of friend's seat, and they don't move, then you take them by the hand and say gently but firmly, "In this house, we let our friends have their seat back."  And you pull or lift her out of the chair.  If she doesn't give friend back her cell phone, you take her hand, and walk her over to the friend (even if she struggles) and make her physically give the phone back.  Then you distract her with another activity, perhaps handing her a toy cell phone you keep in your pocket.  

You would not start punishing or disciplining a child until they are three years old.  That does not mean that you can raise a monster.  It just means that they are not accountable for their behavior until they are three.  When a two year old throws a tantrum, it's to get your attention.  So calmly walk away.  Go into the next room... do not give her attention and the tantrum will stop.  She may get louder first... but if you continue to ignore it, she will have to find some other way to get your attention.  A good mommy, then, will wait until the tantrum is over...a nd the child is sweetly engaged in an activity, and then go give her some positive attention.  

Telling a two year old "no" and not doing anything is counter-productive.  If you tell a 2 yr old, "no" when she digs in your potted plants, then you must get up and remove her from the potted plant.  You should not put her in time out or slap her hand or yell.  If she refuses to leave the potted plant alone, either put the plant on a higher shelf, or put the 2 yr old in a play pen where she cannot reach the potted plant.  

Good luck!  Perhaps you and your fiance can join some parenting group or classes, for his benefit.


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