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I cannot stop crying...I was humiliated again-UPDATE Page 8

I cannot stop crying. I really can't. I feel like a piece of garbage. 

I met a guy online ...again. We spoke online and on the phone for two weeks before we decided to meet. He appeared to be a really nice guy and most importantly very accepting of me and all my flaws. As time went on I told him more and more about myself. He was very understanding. I told him that my kids are autistic and he was fine with that. 

So we decided to meet , I sent my kids to my mom's house for the weekend and i agreed to meet him at my place. He said he'd bring movies and we'd just talk . He comes over...Im instantly not attracted to him AT ALL. He looked cuter in his photos but downright weird /ugly in person.

I told myself to stop being a shallow bitch and just get over his looks...and I eventually did. I saw him for the nice funny person he was.. I was falling for him HARD. I ended up having sex with him that night. He swore he didnt judge me for it . We met and hooked up again...and again...and one night he wrote me this long love letter saying he thinks im gorgeous and he loves just being with me and our sex is amazing and he truly cares about me. I asked him was he being serious does he really care about me? He said yes. He looks at me  and sees his future wife . He will never let me go and will do any and everything to make me happy.

Im falling for all of this shit hook line and sinker.. I believed him. I really did. He was affectionate with me in a way no other man has been . He'd kiss me all over my face and just stare at me with a look of love in his eyes. I'd wake up and he'd be staring at me and kissing my cheek and hands. I hate to say it but although we were only together a couple of weeks ...I was falling in love with him ...very quickly.

One night we talked and decided we were officially a couple. I just went online and deleted my profile from the website without a second thought...however four days passed and i saw his profile was still on there ...and although i had no reason to think he was talking to other girls ...I was still curious if he'd talk to someone. I made up a fake profile and messaged him . He responded...I was heartbroken when i saw the response. He sent "me" a virtual gift and said he's interested in getting to know "me" and he's single etc. I was shocked. 

He eventually said he'd love to take this girl out . I was like ..OMG. Why would he do this to me? We had plans this weekend..we were going to go on our first date ...he was gonna take me to see the lion king on broadway. 

I didnt know whether to just confront him about it or keep my mouth shut until i saw the play ... that way i'd atleast get a chance to spend some of his money .

I was so hurt i knew i couldnt just let it go all week so yesterday afternoon i told him that i made a profile and he responded . He laughed...said he knew it was a set up. I said well if you knew it was a set up why'd you take the bait? He obviously had NO clue it was me. I was very upset . I started crying over the phone . He said in a nonchalant way that he was never gonna seriously meet the girl...but by his long replies back to her. I knew that was a lie. 

He than said well i understand if you dont wanna talk to me again just say the word and ill never hit you up again. Im thinking WOW. He claimed to have all these feelings for me and he doesnt even give a shit. I hung up the phone . He texted me a little while later and i texted back saying i cant trust him.

We went back and forth...he began to beg to have me back . He called me over and over again leaving pleading voicemails .. I waited a couple hours...checked the dating website and his profile was STILL there! I was like OMG any other guy wouldve deleted their profile! I told him exactly that... he kept asking me what does he have to do to prove that i can trust him...I said well isnt it obvious?! We went back and forth all night but he REFUSED to delete his profile on the website.

Im at a loss. I do not understand why he'd do that to me...and as the night went on it was CRYSTAL CLEAR that he was mocking me and being malicious . 

I feel like trash. I did everything to keep him . Everytime he came over i cooked his favorite foods, we talked, we laughed , we had a connection, he met my kids and he was great with them and they loved him . I was like WOW i finally have someone who cares about me and doesnt judge me he's just a great guy and at the end of the day...I couldnt even get him to delete his online dating profile...

What makes me cry is I just feel like I will never have a man who truly cares about me. Here's a guy who will throw me away ...just to keep looking at potential females on a website. 

If im so gorgeous and great to him...why would he just let me go like that unless it was all lies... 

I feel like something is profoundly wrong with me ...It hurts to know that one day he'll probaly meet someone on that website that he'd waste no time deleting that profile for...but not worth it. 

Ive been crying all night and off and on all night. Im very irritable and my self esteem is below the earth . 

Ive experienced this babyfather told me when i was 9 months pregnant that im yesterday's trash . He laughed when he said it and said he was heading to his gf's house. I never felt so low before...and this new situation is just a reminder of that. It just drives the point home that im yesterday's trash and im not worth anything at all. I felt like killing myself last night but i didnt because i have kids and i cant leave them alone in this world without anybody. My mom has cancer and my brother was just diagnosed with cancer..I feel like im having a nervous breakdown. I took the kids to the park this afternoon and i was on the verge of tears the entire time. I just feel so worthless. 

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Replies (121-130):
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Good for you!  Keep it up, DO NOT give in!

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you repeatedly choose men who are bad to you, and you are in a bad place right now with your family's health. Stop trying to date for now. Take a year off, and work on having supportive friendships. Then work on developing your interests. Get really good at something, so you can feel proud about your accomplishments. Then, maybe you'll meet a man who shares your interests and sees you as valuable; maybe you won't, but you'll feel valuable, and won't take any crap from anyone.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this

first of all you are not ugly. you are a child of God and God does not make junk. he is one man that accepts you for who you are with any hurts, hang ups or habits you may have. he is a loving person and is always there for you and he does not force himself on you. as for meeting someone online , i can tell you from experience, you can play any roll you want on line to make someone like you and you can act any way you want when you meet this person, i had it happen to me and i was more pissed off than hurt. cause i knew there was someone in this world that would honestly love me for who i am but i would never ever go on line again. yes,some people are lucky and meet the right person, but some are not. all i know is you have to love yourself before anyone else loves you. it might help to talk to a therapist about this. as for killing yourself, there is no human being worth killing yourself over. no man especially. you need to find some positive friends, work on your self esteem and get out . sounds like you have depression so i recommend having meds prescribed for you. a support system might also help. remember positive affirmations when you are feeling bad.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:04 PM
2 moms liked this
Get your damn shit together, woman! You have two precious children who NEED their mother! As a mother, it is YOUR JOB to model for them what to expect from life.

You are teaching them to expect others to treat them like shit. To tolerate such treatment and beg for more. STOP!!

First, no man will ever love or respect you more than you love or respect yourself. Do not date another man until you are wholly convinced that you are fucking incredible. I'm not saying you need to have an inaccurate perception of yourself, but you need to realize and believe you have some pretty good shit to offer. Maybe you're actually really smart. Or funny. Talented at something. Whatever.

If you continually find yourself only living because you're afraid of what may happen to your children otherwise, you need to get some help. Sign up for counseling/therapy that will help you identify your positive qualities as an individual and constructive pathways for you to improve upon those areas you want to be better in.

No healthy relationship comes from needing the other person. Yes, I would be sad (devastated) if I lost my husband, but I would not be lost. He's not around because I need him, but because I actually want him in my life. He does not fill any voids, that would be an unfair and unrealistic expectation. He's my preferred companion.

Take care of yourself. Take care of your children. Then, if you have the time, entertain the thought of a man. In that order.

Good luck.
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by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:36 PM

I met my husband through Zoosk. We deleted our account but, my ex said both our profiles are still on. We have tried to delete them but, they are still up. 

by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:55 PM

Ok I'm sorry I'm not going to be mean but I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up your ass either.

Your a mom. You met a guy online and two weeks later met him and slept with him the first night. You are a booty call. From your update, this guy is telling you he doesn't want kids around because they are an inconvenience to his life. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! You need to run in the opposite direction. You are desperate to be loved and will take whatever piece of trash looks your way. Seriously you are better than this.

Please get yourself some therapy. You have so much going on, with your mom, brother and kids that you are neglecting you. You are not helping anyone. Don't be so desperate for love that you will put yourself in a dangerous situation or worse your children in a dangerous situation. This guy could have raped and murdered you in your home! Seriously, wake up! If you meet some guy online, do yourself and your children a favor and do a background check. Don't just bring someone into your life. At the very least do a google search.

Next time meet in a public place, don't give some random internet guy your home address. Do you watch tv? Read the paper? Etc? Seriously, you are putting yourself in such dangerous situations! Please, seriously, get into some therapy and don't date anyone for at least 6 months. Take care of your kids, mom, brother and most importantly YOU! Then if you want to pursue online dating do it smartly. Meet guys in public and have some deceny for yourself and wait a month AFTER you meet them to have sex with them. A week or less your easy, don't be an easy someone to bang. You are a mother, think better of yourself and your body. After a month some guys will think your a prude, so a month is about the right time to see if the guy is just wanting you for sex. Make sure not to waste your time on someone who doesn't want kids. You have kids, they're not going any where, they area a part of you. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to be around your kids. Wait at least 3 months (6 would be better) before introducing any guy to your kids too by the way. Kids get attached quick. Do a google search on any guy before meeting him. Before sleeping with him do a background check. You cannot be to careful. Seriously, what would happen to your kids if something happened to you. Your mom and brother are sick. I'm assuming the dad's aren't around, so be pro-active and cautious so you don't end up dead with your kids in foster care. Before you move in together with anyone do a credit check. You are not with your kids father so your first order is not to your husband or bf but to your children.

Again none of this is meant mean or hurtful but you need some serious therapy. Please get some help,  a sick parent would be enough, let alone a sibling and everything else. You sound depressed (especially if you were suicidal) and need to get help and maybe medication for that. Please, take care of yourself so that you can take care of the ones you love.

And ditch this stupid loser, he's not worth wiping your feet on.

by on May. 23, 2013 at 12:34 AM

Is this the same guy you're having issues with now in your other post?

by Barb on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:04 AM

bumping this up out of curiosity

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Quoting SnapIt:

Stop meeting men online!!!
Just concentrate on your kids!!

And dont ever invite another man to your house where your kids sleep!
Let alone have sex with them for awhile.
Talking through text or phone most of the time is not getting to know them

And because you are falling hard for a man, doesnt mean youre in "love"! Youre in "lust", because you are hard up to find a man!

You dont need a man!!!

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:36 AM

Ah didn't see the date. I hope for an update!

Quoting Bmat:

bumping this up out of curiosity

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