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Mother in law issues

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 7:16 AM
  • 22 Replies
Hi I need some advice. I am planning a first communion for my youngest son.
Just found out my mil is not coming. Her husband is coming in from our if town but she us not. Why shouldn't I be allowed to be angry? My mom passed away in November and my mil did not come up for the wake or funeral. Not even a phone call. It was some stupid excuse that she had a bladder infection. How should I handle this. ?
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 7:16 AM
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by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 7:23 AM
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Ignore it. When she has something go. and when she says thank you for coming. Smile and say no problem my mother educated me to be there for family unlike some other people.. ( lots of sarcasm) lol
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by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:52 AM

A bladder infection is very, very painful, and I might have skipped a funeral for someone that I might not have been close to, also.

Having said that...a grandson's first communion is a very big deal for most people. Has she givem your husband a reason why she can't make it? Does she practice a different faith than you? Perhaps you can enlist your husband's help (he really should, in this case) and he can explain to his mother that it is a Very Important Thing and her being there is Very Important to her family. Stress the importance to the grandkids.

If she refuses anyway, let it go. It isn't worth starting a fight.

by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:55 AM

In the long run, does it matter? How is you being upset going to change anything? If she doesn't want to be a part of it, then let her not be a part of it. You go on with your life. And hey, at least she's not coming around just to make you miserable!

by Ruby Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:01 AM
You can't change people or worry how she lives her life. Ignore her and move on.
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by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:02 AM

Ignore it. let it go, and move on. 

by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:18 AM

I think you should get over it real quickly. There will be a billion events for her to attend during your sons life, missing this one isn't going to change anything.

by Mommy2justtwo on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:26 AM
Ouch, poor lady! Bladder infection is a good excuse to not go anywhere.
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by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:31 AM

Ignore her and move on.  If you cater to your anger, you really give her the power.  Yes, I know it's disappointing but think of it as her loss not yours.  She is making this choice, you are not shutting her out.  Eventually, the invitations will stop coming and she'll regret it.

by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:35 AM

You can be angry, but for the sake of your relationship keep it to yourself, or at least between you and your husband. I was hurt when none of my in-laws came to our first sons birth. At our wedding, only two of dh's family members made it (his mom and his neice). We seriously had to beg his family to come. It hurt so much, but all I could do was stay strong for dh. I let him carry the anger for me, and became more loving towards him. Eventually he confronted his entire family and told them he NEEDS them to be more involved. We've been there for every heart attack, every cancer scare, every other hospitalization, and funerals.

by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:35 AM

I am sorry about the loss of your mom. I am praying that you are comforted by God. I am also sorry for what is happening with your mother-in-law. I know how much it hurts when things that are important to us are overlooked by others. There is a really good book about mothers and daughters in-law called: "The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?" by Annie Chapman. It may give you some ideas on how to approach the situations you come across in your relationship with your mother-in-law. I agree with some of the others, we can't change other people, but we can change the way we respond. Sending you a hug. I am sending you a PM.

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