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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

My xhusband and father to my youngest passed away 3 weeks ago after a courageous battle with colon cancer. He and I remained good friends because of our child. While he was ill I would go visit and bring our child until he got so bad that I didn't feel someone so young should see their parent in that kind of pain. Anyway, I stuck with him and held his hand and talked. He didn't have any friends only me and a few family members. My daughter is going through counseling which seems to be going ok. The issue is I miss him and talking and seeing him. I am remarried and my new husband resented me taking the time out of our lives to be with my x. So, I am not aloud to greve the way I need to. Is it wrong of me to hurt this much. We were together almost 15 years.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 5:45 AM
Replies (11-20):
Vamp
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I think Its totally normal..since he used to be you husband, and well you still cared for him...junt not in a romantic way.

DH should let you grieve cince your es was an important part of your life at some point and you had a beautiful child!!


Joelskatysmom
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:07 AM
2 moms liked this

You have every right to mourn! Y'all had an invested relationship involving love, emotions, physical attractions, and a child born from this love...that y'all both loved with all your heart! Your new husband has no idea how to deal with this because he has never experienced this sort of thing. Since he might be defensive, I know it's gotta be hard not to throw it back at him. Is there anyone you know of that has gone through this sort of thing that might be able to help by giving you ideas of how to handle it or maybe another man (that's been through something like this)  that could somehow covertly speak to him about it? That's about the only idea I have, I hope it helps!

Momof697
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

nope not wrong.

belindah
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

 Its ok for you to mourn.  Even though you were no longer together as a couple, you were still friends.  Losing a friend always hurts.  I am so sorry for your loss.

Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh gosh, no. Mourn as much as you feel like. It may take a long time. Even though you were apart, he still shared some of your life, and there was a bond. You have every right to grieve and feel sad. Since it is bothering your husband, it might be best to not mention it to him and to not let him see your sadness. But you are absolutely allowed to mourn. My prayers for your comfort. ((hugs))

RJC78
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:40 PM
2 moms liked this

Not only are your mourning the loss of a friend, but mourning the fact that he won't be there to help you raise your child and she won't have her daddy

childofGod995
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

no it is not wrong for you to hurt that much or grieve. however it is wrong for your husband to tell you how to feel. if your husband is going to continue being resentful then there will be no hope. however, since your dear x has passed you can spend time with your present husband and he needs to put the past in the past and move on or there will be no future. if he can not deal with your grieving then that is his problem, not yours. Give it to God to deal with.

jojo_star
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:14 PM
1 mom liked this

That is normal. He was a huge part of your life, he gave you a child, of course you are going to mourn. I'm very sorry for your loss.

jabs54
by Platinum Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm so sorry for your dd's loss.  I would imagine it would be helpful to your dd to be able to mourn with you.  It's immature and cruel for your new husband to not understand.

Donnah118
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this

No and I am so sorry for your loss. Of course it hurts and you hurt for your child too. Your husband is going to have to accept it and get over it. Seeing someone suffer takes a toll emotionally and right now he needs to support you and your daughter while you grieve together.

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