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My xhusband and father to my youngest passed away 3 weeks ago after a courageous battle with colon cancer. He and I remained good friends because of our child. While he was ill I would go visit and bring our child until he got so bad that I didn't feel someone so young should see their parent in that kind of pain. Anyway, I stuck with him and held his hand and talked. He didn't have any friends only me and a few family members. My daughter is going through counseling which seems to be going ok. The issue is I miss him and talking and seeing him. I am remarried and my new husband resented me taking the time out of our lives to be with my x. So, I am not aloud to greve the way I need to. Is it wrong of me to hurt this much. We were together almost 15 years.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 5:45 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Its normal to mourn,You guys were together for a long time.

"By causing a little destruction, I am in fact encouraging life"~Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:02 PM
1 mom liked this

No, it is normal.  You are mourning the father of your child not him as a husband.  There is a difference.  Tell your husband that.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:18 PM
1 mom liked this

You should get yourself into counseling with your DH. You have every right to greive but, he has to be able to understand it too. 

by AnnaLisa on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:36 PM
1 mom liked this

 so sorry for your loss.  and yes, mourning is completely normal! and the fact that your husband doesnt wanna let you...thats just wrong and insensitive! you spent 15 yrs of your life with that man, of course theres some feelings there!

by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:17 AM
1 mom liked this

It is not wrong of you to mourn the loss of a friend and the father of your child. It is wrong for the man that you are with now to try to stop you from mourning.

Although I can kinda see why he is upset that you took time from  him and your family to spend time with your ex. But only a little.

I would probably do the same thing you did. 

I don't think my hubby would be upset with me doing this. 

I wasn't with my ex as long as you were, but you always love them. Even if you are no longer in love with them. You care how they are doing. It's only natural. 

I agree with you. You are not in the wrong for feeling what you are feeling.

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by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:25 AM
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 No, I don't think you are wrong to mourn your ex. You two were lucky to have remained friends and have had such a good relationship after the divorce. I am sorry for your loss and hope that your husband comes to understand your feelings and help you with this.

by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this
It is absolutely normal to grieve. You were together a long time and both of you worked to have a cordial relationship for the sake of your son. Its a loss for you and your son. I'm sorry for that.
You say your husband wouldn't understand you grieving for the father of your child and someone you considered a friend? I would tell him that it sucks to be him then. Because you have to go thru the stages of grief. Whether he likes it or not.
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by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:42 AM

I think it is normal to mourn anyone you knew that long.

by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:22 AM

I am so sorry you had to go through that and even more sorry for the life that was lost. I think us as humans we greive even if we didn't know the person, death is a loss no matter who it is. It makes it even worse when we spent a quarter of our lives with that person. I think any compassionate person would grieve over this. It sounds like your new husband is jealous, probably because you did take time out, that could have been with him to spend with your ex, maybe you were still in love with your ex and that's why your grieving so much. Your heart is broken.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:31 AM

You will absolutely grieve, and your current husband isn't very secure or compassionate if he can't understand that the passing of someone who was a part of your life for that long would be upsetting.  You are going to grieve no matter whether he wants you to do so or not.  I would simply ask him for his support and understanding.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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