SAHMs do you have a set schedule? and other issues LONG
I'm asking this because I've been a SAHM for almost 6 months. We couldn't afford daycare for 2 kids (one being an infant) because most of my paycheck went to it. Me and my boyfriend decided together that i'd stay home with the kids til my 5 year old started kindergarten this fall (she just turned five, she's from my marriage not his) and that our 11 month old would go back to daycare as by that point it'd be cheaper and we'd just have the one in daycare. Anyway, I was trying to do preschool stuff with my 5 year old, trying to keep house, take care of the kids etc. I wanted to homeschool at one point and realized I just couldn't.
So for awhile my boyfriend said I should have everything scheduled out, when we get up, breakfast, preschool stuff, etc. And I said that for the way the day goes that it is pointless to schedule it all out, it just doesn't work. I full out quit the preschool stuff because my 5 year old doesn't seem to learn from me. As I quit that and we decided I wouldn't homeschool I started doing more online work (wrting articles, selling stuff, etc) and started to make some money (not a whole lot though) and so I thought maybe I could eventually make enough to stay home with our 11 month old so we didn't have to pay for her daycare either. I honestly only needed to make about $150 a week for it to make sense for me to stay home, and I'm still working on that.
However, regardless of what I do my boyfriend says I still need to have a set schedule. He says no matter what we should be up at a certain time and plan out basically each part of our day. Beds need to be made in the morning, schedules need to be made for when certain chores are done, and I should schedule in when I need to work on the computer for my online stuff. I just think that we can wait to get used to a schedule til a month or so before my 5 year old starts school. I think while they can have a laid back day they should get to. I also feel that no matter what I set for when things should be they won't get done specifically at those times anyway with a toddler (yes the 11 month old is walking) going all over etc and still having to entertain my 5 year old as well.
So my question to all of you is, as a SAHM do you have a set schedule if you have no kids in school yet? Even if you have kids in school, aside from when they get up and go to school and when you pick them up, do you have a set schedule? Also do you make your kids make their beds at 4/5 years old? I'm also expected to make our bed in the morning, do all the housework constantly, take care of the kids, make sure meals are made, lunches made for him to take to work, and do the online work. He works overnights and goes to school 2 days a week. He starts cleaning if the place isn't up to his standards and he's getting upset enough about everything that he feels the need to keep bringing it up and states he is "tired of having to police the whole house" and that he is "tired of having to have this conversation" to the point he has seriously considered ending the relationship. We have been together a year and a half, have our 11 month old daughter together (she was an oops before we started dating) and I'm not sure what to do at this point.
I feel like when I was working things were just a lot better between us. He doesn't feel we are equal partners because he expects the house to pretty much be perfect all the time. I'm talking toys picked up between naps, not one spot on the counters, not one dish in the sink, and he expects me to be constantly cleaning, where as I feel it is ok to wait until the kids are in bed to clean up as it just keeps getting dirty. I'm not sure if he is just becoming controlling or if I am the one out of line...I don't know how to handle everything. I know he is working hard too and I've told him how much I appriciate him, he just seems to expect me to be super woman. I can't focus on online work and keep the house spotless all day and watch the kids, so I try to space it out, work for awhile, play with kids, feed kids, work awhile, etc. until the days end and then do the cleaning, but that isn't good enough for him...I'm not sure what to do...