I am a SAHM and I have a three year old and a four month old. When I had my first one, there was a death of a close family member which combined with baby blues and severe lack of sleep and sent me swinging into ppd. Lack of awareness and upport kept me from getting help for it. Life was not very good those days. My husband and I fought every day because he was very unsupportive and would not help me much with the baby at all. Our relationship was hugely affected because of all this. Slowly things got better as my daughter gradually grew. i was able to get out and o things of my interest and formed a good system that kept me going. Next pregnancy happened when I was not ready and now I have another little one. This time, I was determined to not let the same things happen again. I knew he does not like to help me in the nights, so the first two months were just me doing everything (he did help with my toddler). It was horrible, there were nights when I havent slept a single second, but i tried to stay happy and never complained. Thankfully i had my mom to help me out during the day so I could somehow do it. But now, baby is four months old and we are by ourselves. My baby would sleep pretty ok (3-5 hours in a stretch) until last week and i got around 4-5 hours of sleep every night. But all of a sudden, she has changed! She goes to bed by midnight after hours of rocking, wakes up within 20-30 of putting in the crib. Goes back to sleep after i nurse her, then again wakes up by one thirty and cries hysterically!! I'm at my wit's end! Days and nights are seamless, I am always rocking/nursing/changing diapers/walking the baby/doing any of the other baby chores. 24/7, without a break. Of course, I also do other chores to run the household. My toddler's extremely demanding too, and she is pretty neglected which adds to the mess. My husband, though he helps, gets major time off. (never helped me duing the crucial first two months, then went on a trip abroad for two weeks with his parents, wants to go to the gym regularly , does outdoors, while i get no break whatsoever. He also gets angry if i complain). I used to be very fit, loved to exercise.but now, i have absolutely no interest in anything. I feel like this is the end of the road. I cannot hire a sitter because im not working and dont want o burden my husband. I had the baby in peak winter and that didnt help. Now the weather is warm, but i have no energy or time to drag myself outside. I am basically fat, exhausted, sleepless and unhappy. I know it will get better, but im starting to hate being a mom, i feel jealous whenever i see my friends who have no children. I am scared i will start resenting my children. please help me, is there any hope for me?
Thanks for reading, sorry about the long post....