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Husband wants Vasectomy...

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:21 PM
  • 10 Replies
Hello Everyone, I am new here, but Im looking for some folks who have had the same issues. I am a mom of three amazing boys. Twins that are 8 and and my little one is 5. I LOVE being a mom. Im home with them all day and work as an art instructor a couple nights a week. I have a great life and by no means am I ungrateful. It took us three years of infertility for the twins and my younger son came naturally. I am so elated that I have had two amazing baby experiences. Thing is, I don't feel in my heart I am done. I have struggled the last 3 years because I have wanted one more while my husband is against it. We don't fight since we respect each others wishes. Hes a good dad, and three kids are a ton of work and of course its expensive. It makes sense to stop and I don't doubt his reasoning. But from a moms perspective, I don't feel done. And no, this isn't about having a girl, I just love my children regardless. Another baby boy would be a blessing :) Please tell me there are others in this position? He has a consult next week for the vasectomy, and I don't want this to be a thing I resent him for. Im afraid. We have a good relationship and I dont want it tarnished. We have talked and talked about this. I dont see a way out. Will I get over this? Will I always wonder about the one we didnt have? Thanks for listening. :)
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:35 PM

I think it's normal to want another child when your youngest is 2-4. That doesn't mean having one is the best thing you can do though. My husband was against it after two children. So I went to work with babies and that helped me get over it and be grateful for my kids at the ages they were. *hugs* Now that my kids 20 and 22 I'm so glad I didn't have more when I wanted to so your feelings can change.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Apr. 21, 2013 at 4:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Yup.

When my girls were very young and my sil had a third Lord I was desperate for another.

Dh was against it but ultimately said if I needed another baby that's what we'd do.

It's rare I see that phantom 3rd girl now, and am soooo glad we're moving into big kid stuff and away from baby stuff.

I work ft again, we take cool trips and just cannot fathom a baby around.

Dh got fixed, with my blessing- our agreement.

I understand your frustration. I hope you two can find the right decision together.


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I think it's normal to want another child when your youngest is 2-4. That doesn't mean having one is the best thing you can do though. My husband was against it after two children. So I went to work with babies and that helped me get over it and be grateful for my kids at the ages they were. *hugs* Now that my kids 20 and 22 I'm so glad I didn't have more when I wanted to so your feelings can change.


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bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:47 AM

 It's normal to feel that way. I did after I had my two girls. But the thing I think you have to ask yourself is WHY do you want another one, truly? Is it just the thought that he's getting fixed and you won't be able to, is it that someone else is pregnant and you miss that, is it that you miss having a little baby around? Consider all of that and remind yourself of the negatives that come with having another baby, too, and realistically you know there are many - increased financial drain, lack of sleep, struggling to find a new balance with the baby and the other kids, etc. You do all of that and you can probably talk yourself out of it. I did. ;)


LizzieAnnesMom
by Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:53 AM
Its normal to want more kids, but ultimately its his decision to have this done. Best thing is to be supportive.
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cookingmomma790
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Nope I have three boys and want  another hubby wants to get fixed and be done  :)   Ugh I want more so bad

rstuart66
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:44 AM

I wish my SO wanted a vasectamy.  We only have one daughter and he counts as the second child.  

Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:51 AM

It is Mother Nature's way of continuing the human race- to encourage the desire to have more children.  One way around it may be to have another child into your household to babysit them, or even to foster a child.

Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:52 AM

I had to read this a couple times to understand. Good one!

Quoting rstuart66:

I wish my SO wanted a vasectamy.  We only have one daughter and he counts as the second child.  


MrsMommyMiller
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:52 AM

I just had our 4th and got my tubes tied.
My husband was in complete agreement with it.
But If he wouldn't of been OK with having it done, I would not have done it.
Personally, I knew I was done after this 4th. I love my kids, and I probably * COULD *
have had two more. But I knew I was done. My pregnancies were rough,
and labor was always premature after the first. My son is a baby now so I'm getting
my baby fix. However, I do wonder if I will have baby fever and be sad about the fact that
I couldn't have anymore. But I am fine with it ultimately. I know there may be periods of time
where I see babies and get sad, or look at their pictures as babies and get sad.
But time stops for no man.
You two should be making this decision together. And if you feel you aren't done,
you really aren't done. When I say you will KNOW when you are done, you will know.
That's not to say that you won't wrestle with the thought. But you will know in your heart that you are done.

mandylouwho
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 8:14 PM

I dont have a good argument as to why I want another, I just do. I have wanted more way before he started talking vasectomy. He does not want to be an "old dad" as he is approaching 38. There are pros and cons to both. I always thought of it, as the negatives being temorary. Lack of sleep, adjustments, etc. That goes away. My husband was the last of 4 and me the last of three. We have a lot of stress, and there is good reason to stop. Really is. But feelings dont get diminished because its "logical". Logical is not a feeling. Its something that you just know in you that you want and I really dont think men have this feeling. Men want kids to have kids, women want kids to nurture. Its instinct. I have so much to offer a baby. My kids are older now, can help out and are pretty self sufficient. I see no reason NOT to. But I guess there are reasons DH has and I understand them. He has the vasectomy consult Tuesday, maybe he will change his mind or realize how much this will hurt me. I dont know.

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