I think it's normal to want another child when your youngest is 2-4. That doesn't mean having one is the best thing you can do though. My husband was against it after two children. So I went to work with babies and that helped me get over it and be grateful for my kids at the ages they were. *hugs* Now that my kids 20 and 22 I'm so glad I didn't have more when I wanted to so your feelings can change.
When my girls were very young and my sil had a third Lord I was desperate for another.
Dh was against it but ultimately said if I needed another baby that's what we'd do.
It's rare I see that phantom 3rd girl now, and am soooo glad we're moving into big kid stuff and away from baby stuff.
I work ft again, we take cool trips and just cannot fathom a baby around.
Dh got fixed, with my blessing- our agreement.
I understand your frustration. I hope you two can find the right decision together.
Quoting Bleacheddecay:I think it's normal to want another child when your youngest is 2-4. That doesn't mean having one is the best thing you can do though. My husband was against it after two children. So I went to work with babies and that helped me get over it and be grateful for my kids at the ages they were. *hugs* Now that my kids 20 and 22 I'm so glad I didn't have more when I wanted to so your feelings can change.
It's normal to feel that way. I did after I had my two girls. But the thing I think you have to ask yourself is WHY do you want another one, truly? Is it just the thought that he's getting fixed and you won't be able to, is it that someone else is pregnant and you miss that, is it that you miss having a little baby around? Consider all of that and remind yourself of the negatives that come with having another baby, too, and realistically you know there are many - increased financial drain, lack of sleep, struggling to find a new balance with the baby and the other kids, etc. You do all of that and you can probably talk yourself out of it. I did. ;)
I wish my SO wanted a vasectamy. We only have one daughter and he counts as the second child.
I just had our 4th and got my tubes tied.
My husband was in complete agreement with it.
But If he wouldn't of been OK with having it done, I would not have done it.
Personally, I knew I was done after this 4th. I love my kids, and I probably * COULD *
have had two more. But I knew I was done. My pregnancies were rough,
and labor was always premature after the first. My son is a baby now so I'm getting
my baby fix. However, I do wonder if I will have baby fever and be sad about the fact that
I couldn't have anymore. But I am fine with it ultimately. I know there may be periods of time
where I see babies and get sad, or look at their pictures as babies and get sad.
But time stops for no man.
You two should be making this decision together. And if you feel you aren't done,
you really aren't done. When I say you will KNOW when you are done, you will know.
That's not to say that you won't wrestle with the thought. But you will know in your heart that you are done.
I dont have a good argument as to why I want another, I just do. I have wanted more way before he started talking vasectomy. He does not want to be an "old dad" as he is approaching 38. There are pros and cons to both. I always thought of it, as the negatives being temorary. Lack of sleep, adjustments, etc. That goes away. My husband was the last of 4 and me the last of three. We have a lot of stress, and there is good reason to stop. Really is. But feelings dont get diminished because its "logical". Logical is not a feeling. Its something that you just know in you that you want and I really dont think men have this feeling. Men want kids to have kids, women want kids to nurture. Its instinct. I have so much to offer a baby. My kids are older now, can help out and are pretty self sufficient. I see no reason NOT to. But I guess there are reasons DH has and I understand them. He has the vasectomy consult Tuesday, maybe he will change his mind or realize how much this will hurt me. I dont know.
Am I going to regret letting my mother be so involved in my children's lives?
- mandylouwho
on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:21 PM