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Advice Please! I dont know what to do anymore! **UPDATE**

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 2:54 AM
  • 31 Replies


We are a combined family. I have a 6 year old son, DH has 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son, and we have a two week old baby together. I am a CSM.. their mom is involved but lives 12 hours away in Nebraska. Since the baby has been born the older kids are acting out which I expected. They love the baby to pieces but dont exactly like us with the baby. IE, they begin to act out when we are giving the baby attention which happens often because she is a newborn.

My DH has been weird with me since the baby has got here. Every time I try to discipline my step children in any way, shape, or form DH jumps in and defends them, undoes whatever it is I have done in discipline which is usually to take a priveledge of some sort, and then proceeds to jump my ass right in front of the kids.

I have tried to talk to him but it does absolutely no good and he just starts yelling at me. I am at a loss, have any of you dealt with this!? What the hec am I supposed to do about it. The kids ( including my own son now) are all running to him the minute I try to discipline them because they know that he will "save the day". They have all started flat out ignoring me when I ask them to do something or stop doing something.

I am two weeks post c-section and pulled my stitches so I am still  in a mass amount of pain and between that and what my DH is putting me through starting to go into a depression. I dont know what the hell to do anymore! If anyone has any ideas please do share because at this point I dread my kids getting home from school. I hate feeling this way! I hate feeling like I am no one in my own home.I hate being disrespected by everyone in my house!

UPDATE so I talked to husband again while the kids were in school and this time I talked right through him when he tried to start yelling at me. I informed him that I am not going to put up with this crap and that I can and will leave if that is what it takes. So far things seem to be getting a little better. I am standing my ground because I can not deal with this anymore! Thank You for all of your support and advice ladies, it allowed me to look at things from a lot of different views. Once I talked through him yelling at me I managed to get him to at least kind of hear me out which is better than not listening at all. I appreciate all of the support I have gotten.

by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 2:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:03 AM

How is he disciplining them if at all?  Perhaps he wants to be the "bad"guy and let you recover.   All the children need to learn that you two are partners not people to pit against each other.  At these ages they love to push boundaries and apparently they are winning.   I wonder if the new daddy could be feeling post partum depression and more stress to provide for the family with a new member in it.    You both need to sit down when the older children are not around and come up with a family plan that works for both.

opinionatedmom
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:09 AM
Hitget temporary antidepressants. It may just be ppd and seems worse than it actually is. I went through that too . It was just ppd.
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JGSheeley
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:15 AM
I do wish it were just ppd which i dealt with when ds was born but its more than that.

Quoting opinionatedmom:

Hitget temporary antidepressants. It may just be ppd and seems worse than it actually is. I went through that too . It was just ppd.
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JGSheeley
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:18 AM
He isnt disciplining at alllllll. Thats the issue. The kids are basically running the house. With my own son i can kind of deal with it and get him under control. With his two he and them both remind me that i am the step mom and etc etc. This isnt like him and i dont know where its coming from.

Quoting frndlyfn:

How is he disciplining them if at all?  Perhaps he wants to be the "bad"guy and let you recover.   All the children need to learn that you two are partners not people to pit against each other.  At these ages they love to push boundaries and apparently they are winning.   I wonder if the new daddy could be feeling post partum depression and more stress to provide for the family with a new member in it.    You both need to sit down when the older children are not around and come up with a family plan that works for both.

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opinionatedmom
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:23 AM
Mine was different with both. But I can't really say over the internet. But hubs may be jealous in a way to. And retaliating so to speak. It's wrong yes but my first dh did that. The jealousy thing.

Quoting JGSheeley:

I do wish it were just ppd which i dealt with when ds was born but its more than that.



Quoting opinionatedmom:

Hitget temporary antidepressants. It may just be ppd and seems worse than it actually is. I went through that too . It was just ppd.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
opinionatedmom
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:27 AM
Tell them what I told my so. I may not be mom but you are still iin my house and will follow my rules. Then discipline like you used to. Just change enforcement tactics .

Quoting JGSheeley:

He isnt disciplining at alllllll. Thats the issue. The kids are basically running the house. With my own son i can kind of deal with it and get him under control. With his two he and them both remind me that i am the step mom and etc etc. This isnt like him and i dont know where its coming from.



Quoting frndlyfn:

How is he disciplining them if at all?  Perhaps he wants to be the "bad"guy and let you recover.   All the children need to learn that you two are partners not people to pit against each other.  At these ages they love to push boundaries and apparently they are winning.   I wonder if the new daddy could be feeling post partum depression and more stress to provide for the family with a new member in it.    You both need to sit down when the older children are not around and come up with a family plan that works for both.

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Sunshine257
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:29 AM
Saying you are just the step mom and yelling at you in front of the kids. He is disrespecting you. You need to put your foot down. Get marriage counseling. Tell him you are a part
of the family and he needs to grow up and tak responsibility as a parent.
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jenk928
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 9:57 AM
Oh Hell no. You need to tell him to grow up and start pulling his weight, NOT act like another child.. Get some counseling for the whole family. A new baby is an adjustment all the way around.. Good Luck
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queensweet
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 10:22 AM

Sounds like their true feelings and colors are coming out. Maybe you need to evaluate this marriage and figure out whether you should stay and continue to be disrespected and mistreated.

Quoting JGSheeley:

He isnt disciplining at alllllll. Thats the issue. The kids are basically running the house. With my own son i can kind of deal with it and get him under control. With his two he and them both remind me that i am the step mom and etc etc. This isnt like him and i dont know where its coming from.

Quoting frndlyfn:

How is he disciplining them if at all?  Perhaps he wants to be the "bad"guy and let you recover.   All the children need to learn that you two are partners not people to pit against each other.  At these ages they love to push boundaries and apparently they are winning.   I wonder if the new daddy could be feeling post partum depression and more stress to provide for the family with a new member in it.    You both need to sit down when the older children are not around and come up with a family plan that works for both.


 

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I feel for you, these kinds of problems are very common in blended families! If you want to save your marriage you better get some couples counseling. You need to agree on what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaking them,I see it as a good thing that your husband wasn't like this before the baby came, maybe it's kind of temporary insanity :)

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