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Advice Please! I dont know what to do anymore! **UPDATE**

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We are a combined family. I have a 6 year old son, DH has 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son, and we have a two week old baby together. I am a CSM.. their mom is involved but lives 12 hours away in Nebraska. Since the baby has been born the older kids are acting out which I expected. They love the baby to pieces but dont exactly like us with the baby. IE, they begin to act out when we are giving the baby attention which happens often because she is a newborn.

My DH has been weird with me since the baby has got here. Every time I try to discipline my step children in any way, shape, or form DH jumps in and defends them, undoes whatever it is I have done in discipline which is usually to take a priveledge of some sort, and then proceeds to jump my ass right in front of the kids.

I have tried to talk to him but it does absolutely no good and he just starts yelling at me. I am at a loss, have any of you dealt with this!? What the hec am I supposed to do about it. The kids ( including my own son now) are all running to him the minute I try to discipline them because they know that he will "save the day". They have all started flat out ignoring me when I ask them to do something or stop doing something.

I am two weeks post c-section and pulled my stitches so I am still  in a mass amount of pain and between that and what my DH is putting me through starting to go into a depression. I dont know what the hell to do anymore! If anyone has any ideas please do share because at this point I dread my kids getting home from school. I hate feeling this way! I hate feeling like I am no one in my own home.I hate being disrespected by everyone in my house!

UPDATE so I talked to husband again while the kids were in school and this time I talked right through him when he tried to start yelling at me. I informed him that I am not going to put up with this crap and that I can and will leave if that is what it takes. So far things seem to be getting a little better. I am standing my ground because I can not deal with this anymore! Thank You for all of your support and advice ladies, it allowed me to look at things from a lot of different views. Once I talked through him yelling at me I managed to get him to at least kind of hear me out which is better than not listening at all. I appreciate all of the support I have gotten.

by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 2:54 AM
Replies (31-31):
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:56 AM

Her leaving them would make it less likely that he feels guilty for taking them, but still heartbroken for them that their mother didn't love them the way you love yours.  Reality is, his kids got ripped off.  It is beautiful that you love them and are willing to raise them, but they had a mother who didn't love them enough to do it herself.  If they were my kids and it was their dad who left, I would be grateful to my new husband but I would still have horrible feelings about their bio-dad not wanting them.

Maybe this isn't part of his problem, but his new over-protection of them has a source.  If you are the same with them, he has some feelings he hasn't dealt with.

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