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someone give me advice please!(lazy father)

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 6:42 AM
  • 9 Replies

okay so i have been with my boyfriend a little over a year now, when we met i was working. well i got pregnant and we decided to move to an apt, so i had to quit my job so we could move but was assured he would be working to support us,my son and the baby. well, he has bounced from job to job, working at pizza places for a short time then "getting fired". he is a medical assistent and keeps hoping to find a job in his field but is having no luck. in the mean time i ave told him to just get something to pay the bills, so he goes to different interviews and they want to hire him, but then he "forgets to go" or "they said they will call and dont". we had to pay the last two months rent with my tax return to give him time to et a job to cover this month, well he oce again has no job. 

i really dont know what to do, we have a 7 month lease and have been late every month, i spent all my return on rent so we werent evicted and now we are still strugging to make ends meet. we have two kids to support and being pregnant i was not being hired and i would like to stay home with the kids, but if he wont get a job the only solution is for me to get a job.

i am thinking of giving the altimatum that if he wont find a job by the end of our lease me and the kids are going back to my moms and he can figure things out for himself, i cant live this way anymore, i used to be able to shower my toddler and get him everything he needs, now we are doing good scrapping the money together for diapers. i dont want to have my kids suffer because their dad(step dad/biological) is being lazy. 

someone help give me some advice, i love him very much, but my kids come first.

by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 6:42 AM
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Replies (1-9):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 7:21 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think the ultimatum is a good idea. I think you should be out looking for a job, as well as him. I would go talk to your landlord about having NO income and see if you can break the lease. Then move back home and be done with this so called man. A real man would shovel shit against the tide to house, feed, & cloth his family. I think you made a big mistake with this guy. He is immature . He isn't driven. He is a mooch.

ForeverLawst
by Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 7:49 AM

I agree with the PP. Go back home and regroup. Get your life together and dump this moocher as fast as you can. File for Child Support and let the courts force his butt to get a job or go to jail. I lived with a guy for 18 months that always had an excuse as to why he couldn't get a job. He put me in bankruptcy. I finally kicked him out of my house and never looked back. 

Acid
by Silver Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 8:04 AM
2 moms liked this

Honesty, stop sleeping with boys and expecting them to man up.

Politeness, get a job because he won't.  Forget staying home, you're going ot be working your ass off for the rest of your life because he won't get a job.  He won't look after your children, he won't clean the house, cook dinner, or be involved in your kids lives.  Decide now whether or not you can put up with this..

JC2223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 8:54 AM

 Since the boy you chose to be with won't man up you're going to have to. This is not a time for "Wants", this is a time for "Needs". You need to get a job because he won't, you need to pay the rent because he won't, you need to provide for yourself and your children because he's not. Forget the ultimatum, it's not going to work, especially considering you've already discussed all these things and he still is not putting in his effort. I understand love as an emotion, but honestly...what is there to love about a boy doing all these things you describe? You really can't change anyone in this situation but yourself. You're going to have to take the bull by the horns and make sure your children are provided for.

leanntx
by Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 9:03 AM
It may not be what you wanted to hear, but all pp's are right. Talk to the landlord, get out of there and away from him. You can get a job when pregnant, just keep looking. Since he won't grow up and man up, you have to step up and do what's necessary to take care of your kids and yourself.
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ceciliam
by Cecilia on Apr. 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I don't believe in ultimatums. You need to be responsible for yourself (and your kids) and get a job. The only person you can (and should) rely on, is yourself. Good luck!

MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 12:07 PM

Are you pregnant now or?
I have a son like your boyfriend. He's not going to change until there is a consequence for his actions that hurts HIM. he's not worried about you and the kids, he's worried about him. The only person in life you can control is you so, take control. Get the job-but DO NOT, under any uncertain circumstances support his lazy ass. You're doing it now and look where that's gotten you.
Pack your bags. He's another child, not a boyfriend or man. 

momto3B
by Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 12:18 PM

How long were you together before you got pregnant? 2 months?  Now you know who he really is and it is not good. Go home, regroup, and next time,  use some common sense before getting knocked up by a loser. 

sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 1:13 PM

Perhaps you should have looked closer BEFORE you slept with him.  And this is the SECOND loser, because you said you expected him to support you, "YOUR SON", and the baby.  Time for YOU to grow up.  Time for YOU to learn how to use BC, or get your tubes tied.  Time for YOU to decide whether or not YOU can support TWO children, and yourself.  And if not, look into adoption.

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