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moved and hate it.

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 1:27 PM
  • 14 Replies

Just moved from WI to ID. I had a post on here before.But now me and my husband are arguing. He got let go from his job in WI when he was trying to transfer with it to ID so clearly wasnt ableto transfer.Then he said he had an interview at this car place but we had to be here first.I had a job I worked per diem,I picked my own schedule and it was mostly every other weekend(which my parents babysat) and one or 2 days during the week when my husband was off so it worked well or my grandma would come and watch the boys. I quit to move here.Now we have no jobs,he has yet to have an interview. NO supportive family. I am just over it. He told me to move back to WI and he will stay here.I am about to at least there I have family that is supportive and helps out here we have the in laws that dont help at all. Their remark when seeing my children after almost 2 years of seeing them is how we are scaring them cause they were hyper and when i asked if my husband was like it they said no he wasnt this bad. I know they wont be much help and I dont know what to do. I am about ready to fly me and the kids back home. I dont want to stay here a year and then be stuck and miserable because my husband would probably never move back and this will be an ongoing thing. I know if I move back now he will most likely follow. He thinks he is still 20 and has all these friends. hes 30 and none of his friends even calll him one friend thats it. He said how he has all these people here. I have yet to see it. His sister isnt even talking to him.I am just over it.

What would you do?!

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sissy502
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:20 PM
4 moms liked this

What would I do?

I'd stand with my husband!

Are you married to your family back in WI or are you married to the husband of your children?

So much for "for better or for worse...... "


I've been in your shoes. I left my dream world, a home that was paid off and pretty, my career & friends.... to follow my husband so he could fullfil his dream.

We bought a dump beause he wanted to fix it up & flip it. The job he'd been promiced ended two weeks after we relocated. Suddenly there was no job, no friends, no savings & we'd moved into a house with OPEN STUDS, a leaky roof, drafty windows, umeven floors and in desperate need of new plumbing & a septic.

It has taken almost 10 years to get back on our feet & my heart is still at our other location. But this is my home. Not because of the house but because my home is where my husband and children are. All the rest was just icing on the cake.

I hope you find it in yourself to think about your marriage & stop focusing on the things you left behind.

Athira
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:27 PM
If I were you I stick with my huby and kids.They are my family.
123456now
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:55 PM

I responded on your other one and told you the horror story that has happened to me. Here is what I would do in retrospect:

Immediately go to some form of counseling, a preacher, counselor, etc. and speak very honestly about your feelings on the move. You could probably get to a preacher pretty quickly if you're concerned about time. An uninvolved third party would be able to speak to your husband and possibly get him to listen to reason or maybe at least get him to listen period. It's pretty clear that there's no good reason to be in ID. However, maybe there is some reason that he hasn't exactly talked about that could some out in a conversation with a third party that would make being in ID more tolerable. 

I certainly don't want to encourage the destruction of a marriage, and I do think you're right that he'll follow because he has no real reason to be in ID.

He probably is struggling a little bit because he's probably been fantasizing about how it used to be back in ID when he was younger, and life was great. That may have been heavy in his mind for the years in WI. He may be just now realizing that he can't recreate it, and I"m sure that's frustrating for him and probably a little worse when it's brought to his attention by others.

Do you think if you offered to live on a different side of town from your family or something that maybe it would help? Maybe he feels like there is too much with your family there and too much involvement? Maybe he feels guilty that his family doesn't know the kids as well and wants to force it on them whether they're ready or not to try to have them measure up to the involvement that your family has had.

I definitely think you should try to get him to see reason in a gentle way. But keep your eyes and ears open. It sounds like he has some maturity problems, and he may be just trapping you there alone. It happened to me totally unexpectedly, and I'll pay for it for years. My husband chose to commit adultery, and I'm the one sentenced to life in this town where I run into his little girlfriends and have no option to leave.

How long have you been married? How many kids do you have?

Caitlinmari
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 5:16 PM

 


Quoting 123456now:

I responded on your other one and told you the horror story that has happened to me. Here is what I would do in retrospect:

Immediately go to some form of counseling, a preacher, counselor, etc. and speak very honestly about your feelings on the move. You could probably get to a preacher pretty quickly if you're concerned about time. An uninvolved third party would be able to speak to your husband and possibly get him to listen to reason or maybe at least get him to listen period. It's pretty clear that there's no good reason to be in ID. However, maybe there is some reason that he hasn't exactly talked about that could some out in a conversation with a third party that would make being in ID more tolerable. 

I certainly don't want to encourage the destruction of a marriage, and I do think you're right that he'll follow because he has no real reason to be in ID.

He probably is struggling a little bit because he's probably been fantasizing about how it used to be back in ID when he was younger, and life was great. That may have been heavy in his mind for the years in WI. He may be just now realizing that he can't recreate it, and I"m sure that's frustrating for him and probably a little worse when it's brought to his attention by others.

Do you think if you offered to live on a different side of town from your family or something that *-maybe it would help? Maybe he feels like there is too much with your family there and too much involvement? Maybe he feels guilty that his family doesn't know the kids as well and wants to force it on them whether they're ready or not to try to have them measure up to the involvement that your family has had.

I definitely think you should try to get him to see reason in a gentle way. But keep your eyes and ears open. It sounds like he has some maturity problems, and he may be just trapping you there alone. It happened to me totally unexpectedly, and I'll pay for it for years. My husband chose to commit adultery, and I'm the one sentenced to life in this town where I run into his little girlfriends and have no option to leave.

How long have you been married? How many kids do you have?


 Well now he is talking about going back to WI. I feel bad and dont want people mad at me. I just dont think I will be happy. Now my husband talked to our landlord he made up some story and the landlord said that she would need to know now if we want to go back. So now I have to make a decision.

Caitlinmari
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 


Quoting sissy502:

What would I do?

I'd stand with my husband!

Are you married to your family back in WI or are you married to the husband of your children?

So much for "for better or for worse...... "

 

I've been in your shoes. I left my dream world, a home that was paid off and pretty, my career & friends.... to follow my husband so he could fullfil his dream.

We bought a dump beause he wanted to fix it up & flip it. The job he'd been promiced ended two weeks after we relocated. Suddenly there was no job, no friends, no savings & we'd moved into a house with OPEN STUDS, a leaky roof, drafty windows, umeven floors and in desperate need of new plumbing & a septic.

It has taken almost 10 years to get back on our feet & my heart is still at our other location. But this is my home. Not because of the house but because my home is where my husband and children are. All the rest was just icing on the cake.

I hope you find it in yourself to think about your marriage & stop focusing on the things you left behind.


 

Caitlinmari
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 5:25 PM

 


Quoting sissy502:

What would I do?

I'd stand with my husband!

Are you married to your family back in WI or are you married to the husband of your children?

So much for "for better or for worse...... "

 

I've been in your shoes. I left my dream world, a home that was paid off and pretty, my career & friends.... to follow my husband so he could fullfil his dream.

We bought a dump beause he wanted to fix it up & flip it. The job he'd been promiced ended two weeks after we relocated. Suddenly there was no job, no friends, no savings & we'd moved into a house with OPEN STUDS, a leaky roof, drafty windows, umeven floors and in desperate need of new plumbing & a septic.

It has taken almost 10 years to get back on our feet & my heart is still at our other location. But this is my home. Not because of the house but because my home is where my husband and children are. All the rest was just icing on the cake.

I hope you find it in yourself to think about your marriage & stop focusing on the things you left behind.

whos to say I should be the one to have to move away from everything just to make him happy? Another thing I failed to mention our relationship was on the rocks the last time we lived here. Right before he lost his job in ID years ago we were at his sisters wedding and got into it after the wedding his mom told me to take our  son and leave to get away from my husband. Since we moved to WI our relationship really got stronger. I am so frustrated because  I had a job and quit it..even our son had a job modeling. Now were here with no jobs.

 

sissy502
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:17 PM



Quoting Caitlinmari:



Quoting sissy502:

What would I do?

I'd stand with my husband!

Are you married to your family back in WI or are you married to the husband of your children?

So much for "for better or for worse...... "


I've been in your shoes. I left my dream world, a home that was paid off and pretty, my career & friends.... to follow my husband so he could fullfil his dream.

We bought a dump beause he wanted to fix it up & flip it. The job he'd been promiced ended two weeks after we relocated. Suddenly there was no job, no friends, no savings & we'd moved into a house with OPEN STUDS, a leaky roof, drafty windows, umeven floors and in desperate need of new plumbing & a septic.

It has taken almost 10 years to get back on our feet & my heart is still at our other location. But this is my home. Not because of the house but because my home is where my husband and children are. All the rest was just icing on the cake.

I hope you find it in yourself to think about your marriage & stop focusing on the things you left behind.

whos to say I should be the one to have to move away from everything just to make him happy? Another thing I failed to mention our relationship was on the rocks the last time we lived here. Right before he lost his job in ID years ago we were at his sisters wedding and got into it after the wedding his mom told me to take our  son and leave to get away from my husband. Since we moved to WI our relationship really got stronger. I am so frustrated because  I had a job and quit it..even our son had a job modeling. Now were here with no jobs.


You already made the move & you seem unwilling to give it a fair chance.

I'm sorry, but you sound very selfish & spoiled. You want what you want... period. Your OP was all about you & your feelings. You miss your job, your parents, your friends. So much so you are willing to grab kids & go back without your husband. That doesn't sound like much of a marriage. Marriage is about give & take... your dreams, his dreams and each of you doing your best to help the other be the best they can be.

Sure the move hasn't worked out yet. And it may never will. But how much time have you given it? Less than a year?

I wish you all the luck in the world no matter where your family ends up. I just hope you don't teach your kids that where you live is more important than who you live with. 


PEEK05
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:18 PM

I would stick by my husband's side but continue to have conversations about it if it truly is that bad.  He would do the right thing by our family.

Caitlinmari
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:41 AM
I don't care about my friends I didn't have many at home it was mostly me mg husband and kids. I didn't like my job either but the jobs schedule worked very well with us. If I go back he would go back with me. I have to make a decision now.


Quoting sissy502:




Quoting Caitlinmari:





Quoting sissy502:


What would I do?


I'd stand with my husband!


Are you married to your family back in WI or are you married to the husband of your children?


So much for "for better or for worse...... "




I've been in your shoes. I left my dream world, a home that was paid off and pretty, my career & friends.... to follow my husband so he could fullfil his dream.


We bought a dump beause he wanted to fix it up & flip it. The job he'd been promiced ended two weeks after we relocated. Suddenly there was no job, no friends, no savings & we'd moved into a house with OPEN STUDS, a leaky roof, drafty windows, umeven floors and in desperate need of new plumbing & a septic.


It has taken almost 10 years to get back on our feet & my heart is still at our other location. But this is my home. Not because of the house but because my home is where my husband and children are. All the rest was just icing on the cake.


I hope you find it in yourself to think about your marriage & stop focusing on the things you left behind.


whos to say I should be the one to have to move away from everything just to make him happy? Another thing I failed to mention our relationship was on the rocks the last time we lived here. Right before he lost his job in ID years ago we were at his sisters wedding and got into it after the wedding his mom told me to take our  son and leave to get away from my husband. Since we moved to WI our relationship really got stronger. I am so frustrated because  I had a job and quit it..even our son had a job modeling. Now were here with no jobs.



You already made the move & you seem unwilling to give it a fair chance.

I'm sorry, but you sound very selfish & spoiled. You want what you want... period. Your OP was all about you & your feelings. You miss your job, your parents, your friends. So much so you are willing to grab kids & go back without your husband. That doesn't sound like much of a marriage. Marriage is about give & take... your dreams, his dreams and each of you doing your best to help the other be the best they can be.

Sure the move hasn't worked out yet. And it may never will. But how much time have you given it? Less than a year?

I wish you all the luck in the world no matter where your family ends up. I just hope you don't teach your kids that where you live is more important than who you live with. 




sissy502
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:57 AM



Quoting Caitlinmari:

Just moved from WI to ID. I had a post on here before.But now me and my husband are arguing. He got let go from his job in WI when he was trying to transfer with it to ID so clearly wasnt ableto transfer.Then he said he had an interview at this car place but we had to be here first.I had a job I worked per diem,I picked my own schedule and it was mostly every other weekend(which my parents babysat) and one or 2 days during the week when my husband was off so it worked well or my grandma would come and watch the boys. I quit to move here.Now we have no jobs,he has yet to have an interview. NO supportive family. I am just over it. He told me to move back to WI and he will stay here.I am about to at least there I have family that is supportive and helps out here we have the in laws that dont help at all. Their remark when seeing my children after almost 2 years of seeing them is how we are scaring them cause they were hyper and when i asked if my husband was like it they said no he wasnt this bad. I know they wont be much help and I dont know what to do. I am about ready to fly me and the kids back home. I dont want to stay here a year and then be stuck and miserable because my husband would probably never move back and this will be an ongoing thing. I know if I move back now he will most likely follow. He thinks he is still 20 and has all these friends. hes 30 and none of his friends even calll him one friend thats it. He said how he has all these people here. I have yet to see it. His sister isnt even talking to him.I am just over it.

What would you do?!


I do hope this works out for you & your family is stronger for it!! 

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