Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Out of control fits...help!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:31 PM
  • 13 Replies

What do you all do to get the out of control fits under control...or what do you do to prevent them?

My daughter is five and I've had it with the crazy meltdowns. 

Now I do need to say that she DOES have some anxiety issues that are being addressed and some depression issues that are being addressed...but these are meltdowns about EVERYTHING and I'm at my wits end. 

Any ideas for discipline when these fits come up?

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:31 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:39 PM

What kind of fits are they?  Just yelling, throwing things, pouting, throwing body on floor?   Typically i just walk away if they are not in harms way.  I would remind her if she wants to act like a toddler than the consequence will be of a toddler.  That means in our household she would have a 5 minute time out in a spot of my choosing. Does she have a counselor whom can help you teach her coping skills for when whatever emotions cause the fits overwhelm her?  Sometimes for my dd deep breathing exercises help as well to slow down the adrenaline which starts flowing when she is overwhelmed.  10 deep breaths in and out, very slowly.

Jeni1124
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:42 PM

Screaming. Full on screaming. Add in refusal to do whatever she is being asked to do, kicking things, pulling her hair, biting her hand, crying, more screaming. 

Sometimes it progresses into the "i hate myself...i wish i was never born..." stuff. That is a different ball game and is handled differently but every little fit can't turn into that and she has got to realize that this behaviour is unacceptable!

Quoting frndlyfn:

What kind of fits are they?  Just yelling, throwing things, pouting, throwing body on floor?   Typically i just walk away if they are not in harms way.  I would remind her if she wants to act like a toddler than the consequence will be of a toddler.  That means in our household she would have a 5 minute time out in a spot of my choosing. Does she have a counselor whom can help you teach her coping skills for when whatever emotions cause the fits overwhelm her?  Sometimes for my dd deep breathing exercises help as well to slow down the adrenaline which starts flowing when she is overwhelmed.  10 deep breaths in and out, very slowly.


Jeni1124
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:43 PM

Oh and time out proves to be pointless. she'll just scream the whole time. 

Quoting frndlyfn:

What kind of fits are they?  Just yelling, throwing things, pouting, throwing body on floor?   Typically i just walk away if they are not in harms way.  I would remind her if she wants to act like a toddler than the consequence will be of a toddler.  That means in our household she would have a 5 minute time out in a spot of my choosing. Does she have a counselor whom can help you teach her coping skills for when whatever emotions cause the fits overwhelm her?  Sometimes for my dd deep breathing exercises help as well to slow down the adrenaline which starts flowing when she is overwhelmed.  10 deep breaths in and out, very slowly.


mom2jasper
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:44 PM
I'm pro-spanking. If that's even a real thing. So that would be my choice method. Also try ignoring her outburst and praising good behaviors.
Jeni1124
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:47 PM

No spanking. i'm not a fan of spanking but I did try it...it did NOTHING. She said she liked it. Serioiusly. 

I try ignorning, but I can't ignore 2 hours of full on screaming. Right now we're almost at 3 hours straight. 

Quoting mom2jasper:

I'm pro-spanking. If that's even a real thing. So that would be my choice method. Also try ignoring her outburst and praising good behaviors.


mom2jasper
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:04 PM
Wow... is she seeing a therapist for the anxiety?


Quoting Jeni1124:

No spanking. i'm not a fan of spanking but I did try it...it did NOTHING. She said she liked it. Serioiusly. 

I try ignorning, but I can't ignore 2 hours of full on screaming. Right now we're almost at 3 hours straight. 

Quoting mom2jasper:

I'm pro-spanking. If that's even a real thing. So that would be my choice method. Also try ignoring her outburst and praising good behaviors.



frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:15 PM

 If she doesnt have a therapist, that is what i would start looking for. A children's one.  You are right she needs to learn how to express the emotions more.  She may have other issues underlying as well as the ones you listed.   I wonder if splashing water in her face would shock her.  Not alot, just a handful of cold water wiped on her face.  For self harm , i have done restraints but i was traiined in them for a former job to keep myself and the other person safe.  I have a feeling that could escalate her anger.    Have you tried holding her in your lap and hugging her for 5 minutes? 


Quoting Jeni1124:

Screaming. Full on screaming. Add in refusal to do whatever she is being asked to do, kicking things, pulling her hair, biting her hand, crying, more screaming. 

Sometimes it progresses into the "i hate myself...i wish i was never born..." stuff. That is a different ball game and is handled differently but every little fit can't turn into that and she has got to realize that this behaviour is unacceptable!

Quoting frndlyfn:

What kind of fits are they?  Just yelling, throwing things, pouting, throwing body on floor?   Typically i just walk away if they are not in harms way.  I would remind her if she wants to act like a toddler than the consequence will be of a toddler.  That means in our household she would have a 5 minute time out in a spot of my choosing. Does she have a counselor whom can help you teach her coping skills for when whatever emotions cause the fits overwhelm her?  Sometimes for my dd deep breathing exercises help as well to slow down the adrenaline which starts flowing when she is overwhelmed.  10 deep breaths in and out, very slowly.



 

Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:17 PM

I'm against spanking. Time outs done correctly and consistently will work. They should last one minute per year of age. AFTER, the behavior has stopped.

Another option is the contract. Have her sign it (make a mark if she is not writing yet) and when she acts out, she gets a consequence. When she behaves she gets a sticker. Once she has all stickers for a week, she gets a small reward. Maybe a picnic in the backyard with mom.

Once she gets only stickers for a month, a bigger prize, maybe a trip to the zoo with mom or a board game day.

And so on until you've created a positive habit of behavior you want.

Mamamanic
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:54 PM

For preschool, this works like a charm. "You can do it, or I will help you." I wish I would have gotten into early childhood sooner because I learned a lot. I used to do elementary and fell in love with early childhood.  Back to my phrase can be applied with anything almost. "Pick up toys, or I will help you" "Okay I will help you" (take hands and help them pick up toys themselves. Teaches accountability. 

If it is something like laying in her bed, " You can lay in your bed, or I can help your body"

For hitting and pulling hair. You can ask her to stop those behaviors or you will have to help her body gain control. (you can put her in a restraint hold if she is hurting herself or possible others). Put your back against hard wall. Have child between your legs and their legs straight. Cross your legs indian style over theirs so they can not push off. If you have to do their hands, then grap the wrist in a thumb index finger grasp where you are holding not pulling and cross their arms under their armpits.  You can also start to do heavy deep breaths to help them also do this. The restraint should be done until they have calmed their body down. once they have stopped trashing, then you can ask if they are ready to talk to you. It may take time, but will get better. Somethime worse before better.

When you talk with her, make her tell you what she did wrong and how her reaction was not productive. Ask what she feels she can do diffrent next time. Then have her say she will....instead of this. 

This should be done with problem solving skills building. See about helping her to work out her frustrations before she reacts. Listen and repeat what your child says. "you don't like that you can't have ice cream right now" "that must make you feel frustrated"  "Mom wants you to have dinner before ice cream" " You will have to wait". I have a very strong willed child with some behavior problems and compromises are okay. You really have to pick battles and work on one behavior modification at a time. Hope I helped. 

Mamamanic
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:04 PM

The restraint will also keep her from biting you. I have a recent screamer and I ask if she is hurt? No, we only need to scream when we are hurt. She also does it because she can and I have her sit outside my doorway and tell her she will not scream in my class. She can come in if she is done screaming. I stand in the door jam and she says I want to come in. I make her tell me she is done screaming. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured