Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My 3 yr old son, keeps sayn he wants to be a girl... Need thoughts, advice, info

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:59 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

 Before I start with what's been going on, I want to say a few things.

1. I don't care if he is gay, He is my son and I will always love & support him without conditions.

2. He is never left alone with any one, He is always with me or his dad ( and we are married)

3. He does have interactions with other kids of both genders, and it's always supervised.

4. He does get to watch some cartoons, but we also keep an eye on what it is, so he isn't exposed to things that are not appropriate.

Ok, with all of that being said.

The last few days, he has been telling both his dad and I, that he wants to be a girl. And when we tell him that he is a boy and is fine the way he is, and that he can't be a girl - he get's upset.

I've asked him why he wants to be a girl, and he just say's 'because I want to be a lady'....

He does have a humor about him, he jokes about things here and there - and will end up saying 'im just joking' - but with this he says 'im not joking'...


Like I said, even if he were to be gay, that's NO issue. My entire heart, sould, engery and life goes to this little boy and i will always love and support him.

I just don't know what to think of this? Should I approach it? Is he to young to approach it? Is this something that kids his age typically go through? I don't have any clue as to how to work with this, or if it's anything to even give attention to?

My family does have several gay people in it. So part of me does believe that being gay - may just be a genetic thing? We live 2,000 miles away from our family ( due to military) and he hasn't been around any of them since he was 4 months old, so I don't think it's something that he has 'caught on to' or been exposed to.

But with having so many people in our family who is gay, I wonder if this could be his way of dealing with his feelings??


Please no bashing, no rudeness. This post is not about if you believe in people being gay, if you are against it or for it. I simply want to know if your young child has ever come to you with something like this, and what did or didn't you do?


I don't want to make an issue if it's not an issue, but I also don't want to ignore this if this is something that I should deal with?

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:11 PM

I believe things like this are often genetic.

I'd just ask him what specifically he wants about being a girl.

Maybe some dress up clothes and toys would allow him to play with the idea. If it's just being confused he could work through his confusion that way.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:19 PM

Check out this article in the new yorker (you won't be able to read the whole thing online, so might need to find it in a library or store):

One thing to think about...if he'd come home one day and said that he wanted to be dragon when he grew up, would it have shaken you up much?  He's 3, and he may just be playing with his identity.  There is a chance that he is truly transgender, and you'll have to be sensitive to taht. But there's also a chance that he's just 3 and doesn't really know what it all means.  That wanting to be a lady one day might not really be different from wanting to be a ninja or a pony or a prince. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:21 PM

Just let him be himself and go from there. That is the best advice I have. He should be able to feel comfortable in his own skin and if the means he wears dresses and grows his hair out, then so be it.

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 7:23 PM

He doesn't have a full concept of being a girl or a boy now. I wouldn't worry about it at this point. My oldest son went through a girly phase about 4 or so where had a doll and played well with the girls and not the boys. He just fit in with their activity better. Now? He's the biggest all boy child you've ever met. He's 25. It could be a phase or it could continue on in life. At 3 years old just support his play in whatever he likes to play and let it go. If you notice he gets into school and is having some trouble and this is still a persistent theme? Then I'd worry enough to get him counseling so that if he is gay or whatever he doesn't struggle with accepting himself. Otherwise? Just love him for who he is!

by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 8:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Do you ask him what he likes about ladies. He may just think girls get to wear pretty dresses and do make-up and fun things like that. I say let him experience it at age 3. I do preschool, and do I have boys that like to dress up in princess dresses, yes and it is an experience. Do I feel they are gay, no. 

I would let him do make-up, nail polish (you can get orange, blue, and more boy colors for him to choose from), and yes curlers, and try on your pretty things. Nothing wrong with it I say. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:00 PM

When my son was 2 he changed his name. Would not even acknowledge he had another name. He painted his nails, carried a purse, wore his hair long and his favorite color was pink. all of his clothes needed to be pink. Try finding pink unisex clothes. Then one day we were out eating and he had to go to the bathroom. He was probably 4 at this time. A lady stopped him from going in the boys room because she thought he was a girl. He was very upset and came back to me crying because he had to go pee and the lady didn't believe he was a boy. After that he wanted his hair cut. Still painted his nails and started wanting more masculine clothes. He is now 13. Still likes his nails done. Will wear make up when his sister (18 yrs) asks if she can put it on him. Still goes by his name he picked. He only uses his given name for official documents. He is healthy and happy. Maybe one day he will figure out who he is or maybe this is who he is. Moral of the story...I would not worry about it. My thinking was, nobody is being hurt by it and he is healthy and happy. So, let your son do what he will and be who he wants and when someone stops him from going into the boys room maybe that will change things for him. I wish you and your son the best of luck. :)

by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:05 PM

I wouldn't read too much into it. He's young and probably doesn't realize what it fully means to be a boy or girl. I wouldn't push the issue either way.

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:43 AM

I wouldnt worry to much, he is just 3. My 4 year old wants to be tinkerbell and hes a boy. Sometimes you just have to let it play out. Doesnt hurt to talk more to him about it though. Since he said that he wants to be a lady ask him why he thinks he wants to be a lady. It could just be a phase so dont stress. 

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:59 AM

Being transgender does not necessarily mean you are gay. Not all gay men want to be feminine. I don't think he is too young to know this. If you are worried then let him be a lady at home or with people you trust will just let him be without judgment. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)