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How to keep my 16 year old out of jail? And help her to be happy?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:03 PM
  • 11 Replies

I'm not exactly sure where to post this, feel free to redirect me. 

My family life is very stressful. My husband is great, very supportive. We have three male adult children, and one daughter ('J'). She's having a lot of trouble, and also giving us a lot of trouble. She suffers from depression, ADD, and possibly bi-polar disorder (has yet to be diagnosed). 

The other night we allowed her to stay at a friends house, who she's very close to and who helps her with her depression,and under the circumstances that the friend herself and her mother would watch our daughter very closely, because she is suicidal. That was a terrible decision we made, and now I greatly regret not keeping her under our supervision, however, it's not the family's fault. J attacked her friend and ran out, robbed a liquor store, and ended up in jail. The next day, she admitted to being high on cocaine throughout the ordeal. 

We're at our wits end, we've tried close to everything to get her attitude in shape, and help her be happy. I need the perspective of more people. We have a very strict parenting method, which worked fine with our boys. We tried loosening up a bit, but she acted worse, and ended up in jail for a month. She's been in and out of jail for other offences, and faces the possibility of being in jail for upwards of 25-30 years. She's also been committed to a mental hospital for several months when she was younger. 

All day she sulks around and screams at anyone but the above mentioned friend if they come too close, and if she can, sleeps. She has attacked me and my husband before, but we are not afraid of her. She refuses to go to school, and if she does, becomes involved in drugs. We have tried switching schools several times, and have settled on home schooling so we can watch her. I'm terrified of her falling prey to drugs again, because for a while, she was clean.


We are willing to do anything to help her. This is our beloved daughter. Thanks. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Why do you wanna keep her out of jail???
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RShay735
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:23 PM

We considered the other night leaving her in jail instead of bailing her out. But she's done jail time before and obviously did not learn her lesson. The psychiatrist she speaks to believes her reckless behavior is due to depression, and recommended that we help her out of her depression. However, I also realize that it's a very valid option to let her go to jail. 

crystaleve29
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:55 PM

if there are alot of mental health issues and drugs another option is to send her to more of a rehab type of place that deals with mental illness. Where I live they have a few of those. Some are temporary, others are long term. Look into it. And if at all possible, jail should be avoided. People who go to jail young usually keep a never ending cycle of crime and drugs and jail. Try to stop it before its too late. Make sure she knows there are people who are there to support her through this.

RShay735
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:02 AM

Thank you, we had her in a rehabilitation center for a while earlier this year for several months while she was getting clean. Perhaps she should have a longer stay. It definitely helped to stop the drugs for a while. I'll bring it up with her therapist. I know that jail can bring on a vicious cycle. 

NocturnesAngel
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Have you talked with the psychiatrist about getting her stablized on a Treatment Plan for her Depression, ADD and Bi-Polar Disorder(Mood Swings/Manic/Rage Tendencies) and also incorporating that with a Drug Treatment/Placement Facility?

If not, you might want to look into Private Drug Facilities that also have the capacity to assist teens with Depression, etc.

Or you may want to also contact your Local Catholic Charities or Drug & Alcohol Treatment Centers & ask for assistance with Referrals, Placement & Financial Services.

I wish you, your daughter & your family the best.

Hugs

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Research good residential treatment centers, she needs a clinical environment. It can make a huge difference, it's not your fault ,she's ill. They can figure out the right meds and make her see that she has to stay on them, and get her to see why she shouldn't use cocaine. You are lucky from the standpoint that's she's still only 16 and you can make her go! With luck the judge will agree to a suspended sentence.

RShay735
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:13 AM


Yes, she used to be on a treatment plan. But you would not believe the resistance she put up taking her medications. Fighting every morning and evening, furniture broken, feelings hurt. We're currently organizing a new one, and are trying to get her on board with us.  We've tried many different types of medications for her depression and ADD, and she complains that they make her feel worse. I have contacted our local Drug and Alcohol rehabilitation centers, and they have been giving us advice. Thank you.

Quoting NocturnesAngel:

Have you talked with the psychiatrist about getting her stablized on a Treatment Plan for her Depression, ADD and Bi-Polar Disorder(Mood Swings/Manic/Rage Tendencies) and also incorporating that with a Drug Treatment/Placement Facility?

If not, you might want to look into Private Drug Facilities that also have the capacity to assist teens with Depression, etc.

Or you may want to also contact your Local Catholic Charities or Drug & Alcohol Treatment Centers & ask for assistance with Referrals, Placement & Financial Services.

I wish you, your daughter & your family the best.

Hugs



RShay735
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:17 AM


That's a very good idea, she may need to be managed by professionals. She still seems to believe that drugs like heroin and cocaine are the only things that can help her, despite everyone around her telling her otherwise. 

Hahaha, we're looking to see if we can suspend our guardianship over her, actually. It's funny you mention that. Her psychiatrist agrees that she doesn't have the means to take care of herself, and we're looking to have her declared legally incapacitated. 

Thanks for your understanding and advice.

Quoting Lindalou907:

Research good residential treatment centers, she needs a clinical environment. It can make a huge difference, it's not your fault ,she's ill. They can figure out the right meds and make her see that she has to stay on them, and get her to see why she shouldn't use cocaine. You are lucky from the standpoint that's she's still only 16 and you can make her go! With luck the judge will agree to a suspended sentence.



Mamamanic
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:28 AM

I think she really needs to be in a recovery program. A program that has a strong community of those who are not direct family members that she can share with. Her drug use may be a way to self cope from her other mental illnss, but the drugs will make her mental illness worse when she is using.  I suggest you also get in a program for family of addicts. It will help you learn how to let go and let her find her way some. And most important set your boundries with her. Very hard because as the family of addicts we want to rescue them, but can't.

I would tell her you post her bail if she is willing to go into a program for help with her addiction. Make it a choice of hers, and make the stand that she needs to straighten up or you will not support her any longer with bail. It will eventaully have to come down to all of you making hard choices.   

Mrs.Missi
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:39 AM
Put her ass in jail. There are treatment programs in there. She needs to be responsible for her actions.
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