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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Biological walks in after 5 years?

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I am happily married to my best friend of 6 years. Our oldest daughter Aly, is not biologically his tho he was by my side through pregnancy, birth and everyday since then to now. He IS daddy. But out of no where Alys bio sends me a fb msg stating he would like to meet "his little girl". My husband is so heartbroken
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:26 PM
Replies (31-40):
Diane1223
by Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:39 PM

I would give him a chance, he is the biological father and has rights....I know it's been awhile....and it sucks :(

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:40 PM


Quoting jackiewal10:

No, Illinois.  But have also lived in Indiana.

Quoting OlyMommy_3:

Are you from Washington by chance?


I'm not sure what the laws are like in Illinois. I'm in Pennsylvania. Where I live, just because a person pays child support doesn't automatically give them the legal right to see the child. He is her bio dad and legally required to take care of her financially. That doesn't entitle him to be part of her life. Legally speaking that is. I went through this with my ex husband and his little boy from another relationship. That is what he was told. 

Good luck with this. I think that if you can come to an agreement without the courts it would be the best thing in the world. If the bio dad wants your husband to adopt her and make her his, then I would look into that. The bio dad would have to sign away all rights to her. But be aware that that would then mean that he wouldn't have to pay child support any more either.

CafeMom Tickers
Mistweave
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:47 PM

Be sure to tell him he will be responsible for the back child support if he does and see what he says then lol.

OlyMommy_3
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:54 PM
MistWeave:

He's been paying me $740 a month for almost a year and that's JUST back support.
ThinkAgainMom
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:01 PM

I think you need to let him meet her. Tell him you will both meet him, together.  If he wants anything more than that, you both need to go to court so he an live up to his responsibilities $$ and get court ordered visitation.

I would explain to her that it takes a woman and a man to make a baby.  That ANY man can make a baby, but it takes a special man to be a Daddy. That's why some children are adopted. they have a father, a man, who made them, but they need a Daddy to live with and love them. She has her Daddy, but she also has another man who made her with you.  He is her father. 

Tell her he recently contact you and he would like to meet her.  Tell her it won't change who her Daddy is, or her life you with and Daddy, but you want her to meet her father because 'she has eyes like his" or something else they have in common.  Don't make it too big a thing to her.

EvaTheDiva29
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:03 PM

id ignore it


kbeeck
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:27 AM

Did you as the bio daddy why the sudden change of heart? Some guys are not to be fathers they are called sperm donors. My father dicided when I was fourteen that he no longer wanted to be a husband or a father. He's pretty much has stayed out of my life, he has never met my son. I would make sure that her bio daddy decides for sure that he's ready to step up to the plate, saves alot of heartache later on.

Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Let him see her.  She still has her Daddy, and she'll love him forever. She also is biologically related to another person and should be able to have a friendly relationship with him if it works out OK.

aj_mom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 4:29 PM

I would have filed abandonment charges against him and had DH adopt her.

Zazayam
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 4:31 PM

I'd make him take it to court, personally. If he couldn't be bothered for the first five years, you shouldn't be bothered now.

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