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Crying... I'm going bananas!

Posted by on May. 1, 2013 at 7:53 AM
  • 20 Replies

Hi. I'm a mom of five children. Three boys aged 10,8, and 7 and twin girls who are 3. I think my boys are waaay too old to be crying about trivial things and throwing fits. They are well-behaved in public which is awesome, but at home is another story. I do not remember expressing myself this way when I was little, but I do not know how to break it. They tattle, whine, and cry to get eachother in trouble. I'm to the point where I don't feel bad for them anymore when they cry that they are "hurt" because half the time they are pretending (and they are super good at it) just to get the other one in trouble. As soon as someone gets yelled at or used to, a spanking, they stop the tears dead in their tracks and get a satisfied look on their faces. They also cry when silly things happen or if plans change or when they don't get their way. Like I said, I think they are too big to cry like this. I'm embarassed for them. How do I break this awful habit? Also, how do you teach your children to have respect and compassion for one another? They will watch someone else beat on their sibling or tease their sibling and they would probably even join in. I want my children to be close, not enemies. I understand siblings fight, but even when my sister was driving my bananas I would have stepped in to have her back any time.

by on May. 1, 2013 at 7:53 AM
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by on May. 1, 2013 at 7:55 AM

Oh and when they can't do something or get grounded they'll cry and pester me "mom, mom! but why mom? why? thats not fair. why can't I do that?" etc. I've tried ignoring it, but my ten year old seriously keeps going for over an hour.

by Barb on May. 1, 2013 at 8:20 AM

I only had two boys, but at some point I said don't bring your fights to me, settle them among yourselves. This made the fight their problem and not mine. It sounds as though yours may have found that this is an easy way to get attention and hugs? Maybe give extra hugs when there is no whining and be kind but not cuddly when there is?

by on May. 1, 2013 at 8:57 AM
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I agree with the other response. Don't let them bring their petty fights to you. It will take them a while to get the hang of it, but eventually they will understand squabbles don't get your attention.
by Cecilia on May. 1, 2013 at 10:41 AM

I agree with the previous 2 ladies.

I would also get them the books, How Full Is Your Bucket? and The Seven Habits of Happy Kids.....Seven Habits has 7 different stories and then activities/challenges at the end of each story. Two great books for teaching compassion and empathy and getting along. Good luck!

by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2013 at 10:50 AM

Also make sure you are CONSISTENT with your discipline, and follow thru with what you say you will do.

If they whine/complain during the punishment inform them they either suck it up, and accept the consequences THEY have earned, or there will be MORE consequences tacked on (longer grounding, etc).

by Amber on May. 1, 2013 at 4:09 PM
I only have two girls. I personally can't deal with much noise, as I am an only and grew up in a pretty quiet home lol.

That much crazy, I'd be crying too lol.

What we have here, (besides their own rooms and just sending them to them) is a good attitude chart which they earn magnets for being things like- flexible, good manners, directions without arguing, etc. For filling it up they get to have fun outings. It works for us.

We also have brand new 'tooshy jars.' They're baby food jars that, when full with great northern 'tooshy beans' earns a tooshy whoopin.

About once a year the kids have pushed us to a tooshy whoopin over tine and let me tell you it changes them back to halo wearing card carrying angels.

This is a daily way to let them visually measure how close they are. Offensives include general direspect and whining and such. We're gonna empty it once a week once we start the good chart over, so every sunday. This literally just started.
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Strict consistant consequences.
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by Silver Member on May. 1, 2013 at 4:42 PM
For compassionate, empathetic, respectful ways to work with your children and have them learn to work respectfully with each other.

I think we often forget children are little people who dont handle everyday frustrations and demands as well as "some" adults. They need to be taught the art of compromise, the art if negotiation. They need to be taught how to consider aorher persons point if view, how to make a win-win arrangement so that everyone feels heard and listened to and understood.

It sounds to me like your a good parent with children that havent developed certain skills necessary for a happier existance in your house. You have done nothing wrong- your kids have done nothing wrong- its just a matter of delayed skills that can easily be taught.

Crying is simply your childrens response to being overwhelmed with situations they cant handle. Through this website you can easily teach your children their lagging skills to have a much happier home and relationship with them.

Wishing you peace!

by on May. 1, 2013 at 4:48 PM
I have 2 girls 4 and 2 and I cry A LOT because of the fighting and not listening. I am sorry I dont have advice..but I understand a little bit...HUGS. I have also tried every trick written in a book or given as advice. :(
by on May. 1, 2013 at 5:20 PM

When I was probably 8 or so, I said something mean to my sister, after she hurt me by opening a drawer into me (she just wasn't paying attention to where the drawer was going to be when she opened it).  My mom said "So, your sister hurt you, and you didn't like that right?  So why would you say something to make someone hurt?"  

It was a pretty profound message to me and sunk in really well.  She didn't really get that message through my sisters' heads very well (at least it seems, some days, lol).

For the constant whining and crying once something doesn't go their way, I think I'd eventually just say "You can stop talking about this, or you can spend the afternoon helping me clean the house."

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