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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

why....

Posted by on May. 1, 2013 at 7:31 PM
  • 13 Replies
cant I have one good day with my girls. I am tired of crying and being stressed. Anyone willing to talk with some sound advice? I have tried everything. I just want to have a good day. :(
by on May. 1, 2013 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2013 at 7:42 PM

How old are they? What is the problem honey?

momofsunshine77
by on May. 1, 2013 at 8:07 PM
They are 2 and 4. They constantly fight. They wont listen unless I scream - I hate that. The not listening is crazy. They will run in the parking lot and I literally have to chase them down. It is ALL THE TIME. I try to do fun things or play games, etc. It turns into disaster/nightmare every time. I am tired of it and cry A LOT because I just want to have some fun. At least one day or time. :(
Quoting Lindalou907:

How old are they? What is the problem honey?


Lindalou907
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2013 at 8:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.

Bmat
by Barb on May. 1, 2013 at 9:21 PM

This is what I was going to write also.  YOU are the one in charge, and you must be in control. If they see you break down all the time then it makes them feel that they don't have limits, and this is a bad feeling.  You need to teach them about rules and limits. I agree that you tell them once and then take action. Every time. Be consistent and firm.

Quoting Lindalou907:

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.


---terrah---
by on May. 1, 2013 at 9:23 PM

Yep...you definitely have to put your foot down and take back control. It sounds like somehow your kiddos have turned into the ones that are in control and that can't happen. Set your guidelines for appropriate behavior and if they don't follow your guidelines...give them consequences. The less they listen...the worse the consequence. But you have to be firm and you have to be consistent.

You may want to see your doctor about an antidepressant for yourself. It sounds like your stressed and you may just need something temporarily to help calm your nerves.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.



momofsunshine77
by on May. 1, 2013 at 9:40 PM
Thank you for the advice...I am not angry with you I appreciate your help..I am really frustrated because - I am consistent and firm. I dont start off screaming,. Every time I ask for advice its the same thing. I AM CONSISTENT. I do timeouts, spanking, taking toys away. I am really frustrated because everyone tell me the same crap and IT DOES NOT WORK, You can tell me it does, or say I am just not being consistent. I keep telling everyone I AM CONSITENT AND DOES NOT WORK!!!!! You say stop screaming. OK Like i said i dont start by screaming, they IGNOIRE ME until i do. Dont tell me not to scream until you can tell me how to make them listen to me the first time i say it. They know the rules we have boundaries and guidelines - THEY DONT LISTEN!!! So all the adgvice I am getting from everyne is stuff I have ALREADY TRIED. I need to know how to get them to listen to me the FIRST TIME - before I start screaming. I dont scream until i have repeated myself at least 10 times!!! but I have done all this already and I am sick of everyone telling me I am not being consistent or having guidelines. Seriously - i have so many guidelines i think DH would leave me if there were more. He already thinks I am too controlling on them. LOL
Quoting Lindalou907:

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.


momofsunshine77
by on May. 1, 2013 at 9:42 PM
please read my reply to the other post. It is long. No one seems to understand and I am getting really frustrated because ist seems like no one is listening to me including my children.
Quoting ---terrah---:

Yep...you definitely have to put your foot down and take back control. It sounds like somehow your kiddos have turned into the ones that are in control and that can't happen. Set your guidelines for appropriate behavior and if they don't follow your guidelines...give them consequences. The less they listen...the worse the consequence. But you have to be firm and you have to be consistent.

You may want to see your doctor about an antidepressant for yourself. It sounds like your stressed and you may just need something temporarily to help calm your nerves.


Quoting Lindalou907:

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.




momofsunshine77
by on May. 1, 2013 at 9:44 PM
I have done this!!!! Please read the other post it is kinda long, I am getting really frustrated in general.
Quoting Bmat:

This is what I was going to write also.  YOU are the one in charge, and you must be in control. If they see you break down all the time then it makes them feel that they don't have limits, and this is a bad feeling.  You need to teach them about rules and limits. I agree that you tell them once and then take action. Every time. Be consistent and firm.

Quoting Lindalou907:

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.



Bmat
by Barb on May. 1, 2013 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this

(thank you for referring me to your other post)

Instead of screaming, drop your voice. Do not carry on with the situation to the point where you need to scream. Grab their hands and march them to the naughty chair, or wall. If you are out, then march them to the car and home and then to the naughty chair- no need for further talking on your part. You already gave directions, they weren't followed, the children know the consequences. When they come out of naughty time, ask them if they understand why they were in naughty time. If they say they don't know, then in a low voice, explain briefly.  Praise them when they do what you ask, if they ignore, then immediate consequences-  end of game- end of shopping trip- end of playground- and naughty chair.  It is up to them to listen to you, not to you to scream so they have to hear you (I am assuming their hearing is normal?)  They can hear you when you talk in a low voice, screaming is not necessary for them to hear you. You tell them once, then take action.

Quoting momofsunshine77:

I have done this!!!! Please read the other post it is kinda long, I am getting really frustrated in general.
Quoting Bmat:

This is what I was going to write also.  YOU are the one in charge, and you must be in control. If they see you break down all the time then it makes them feel that they don't have limits, and this is a bad feeling.  You need to teach them about rules and limits. I agree that you tell them once and then take action. Every time. Be consistent and firm.

Quoting Lindalou907:

Okay, first thing you have to do is stop screaming. Decide what the rules are and enforce them. If there's no running in the parking lot then you give them ONE warning, or hold up one finger, then they have a time out, right there, where ever you are! They will learn that you mean business, but you have to be VERY consistant, do it EVERY time, they will learn, I promise. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but it will be a lot better! You are the mom, you have to be in charge, believe me, they WANT to know what the limits are, they will feel more secure.




brieri
by on May. 1, 2013 at 9:55 PM

 never heard "can't do anything...what does a good day look like.....?

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