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If spanking's so harmful, why do you do it?

 So I just read this article on how harmful spanking is and how the US is the #1 leader in spanking for discipline.

If you spank, why do you do it?

If you don't spank, why don't you and what do you do for discipline?

by on May. 2, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Replies (21-30):
lilbit53009
by on May. 2, 2013 at 3:14 PM

i spank but i also do not resort to violence when raising my child

Quoting jojo_star:

I don't. I don't spank because I can parent, and raise my children, without having to resort to violence or causing them pain. We take away privileges and give time outs/groundings, etc.


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2013 at 3:19 PM
I would have expected that. The author is nuts.


Quoting laparla:

They seem to have disabled the comments on that article, which were running about 20-1 against the author.  Typical...they publish crap like this and then shield themselves from any debate.


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ApathyAngel
by on May. 2, 2013 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hi there.  I'd like to respectfully respond to your question.  I know this is a hot issue, and I want to make sure all parenting styles are respected.

I do spank 20-month-old, although not often.  I think I've only spanked her three times in her life.  The first was when she learned how to pry the plastic outlet guards off the wall and kept trying to stick things in the outlets.  The second was when she darted off into the street in front of my home instead of taking my hand like she's supposed to.  And the third was actually earlier this week, when I figured out that she now knows how to open the kitchen cabinets (that have child-proof locks on them) and was playing with a bottle of clorox. 

Honestly, I've never really thought much about spanking, and the pros and cons of it.  It's not a tool I use in my every-day parenting.  There's really no reason to.  She's very well-behaved for a toddler, and usually her tantrums can be managed by just removing her from the situation.  I also take her to the park regularly to let out her excess energy, and that REALLY helps.  Lol, you can always tell if I haven't been able to get her to the park for a few days.

I read the article, and I also read most of the links in the article.  While there were some actual quotes and data from doctors and medical professionals, most of it was editorial, and I don't agree with passing off someone's opinion as a fact.  I also flat-out don't agree with some of the claims made.  Especially the part stating that kids who are spanked develop aggressive behavior more than kids who aren't.

In my household, that is the exact opposite.  I was spanked often as a child (I never feared my parents or had trust issues because of it).  On a side note, the claim that parents in other countries don't spank as much as here was false in my household, also.  My dad, who was born and raised in Germany, then spent most of his adolescence in Mexico before finally settling in the US spanked me significantly more than my American-born mom.

Anyway, I was spanked growing up.  My fiance, on the other hand, was not.  Never.  Not once.  His dad has told me many times that he never laid a hand on any of his three children, and wouldn't let their mom do it, either.

I have a rather impressive control of my temper and I have learned healthy ways to express anger.  My fiance has not.  He can lose his temper in a moment, and will often start shouting, throwing things, hitting things, or kicking things.  I must point out that he has NEVER hit myself or our daughter.  He's never abused us in any way.  It's just his way of expressing his anger.

Now that I think of it, all three of them (my fiance and his two sisters) have anger issues, although they express it in different ways.  What's more, his oldest sister had crippling social anxiety for most of her life, and the middle sister stole so much money from their parents, they had to declare bankruptcy.

Is that all because of a lack of spanking?  Of course not.  There are all kinds of genetic and personality things going on there.  But my point is that spanking doesn't automatically destroy your child's life, and refusing to spank doesn't automatically make them good people.

Sorry this was so long!

notjstasocermom
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 6:06 PM

i spank and do not believe it is harmful

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on May. 2, 2013 at 6:08 PM

We spanked at one point. It didn't do anything but make our daughter angry and teach her to hit. 
So we choose to disclipine in a differnet way.  

Basherte
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2013 at 7:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I give time outs and firmly state no.

I don't spank because the one time (meaning a month of time) that I was doing the spanking, my son clearly had no connection of the spanking with his behavior. It didn't work and made me feel like shit. 

Plus, he then started biting and hitting. I didn't feel right hitting him and at the same time telling him that it wasn't right to hit people. It didn't make any sense to me at all.

CafeMom Tickers
lapcounter
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2013 at 7:16 AM


Quoting atlmom2:

LMAO, spanking is not harmful. Beating is. Very different. I was spanked some. Not harmful at all. My girls were spanked some. They are great adults. I think that logic crap is harmful.
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motherslove82
by Member on May. 3, 2013 at 7:21 AM
I rarely do it because other things work better for my kids, but I will if nothing else has worked. Studies can say pretty much whatever the person conducting them wants them to say. Especially if they go in trying to prove something specific (like "spanking is harmful). Almost everyone I know was spanked and I don't know anyone who has issues from it. Abuse and neglect give people issues. A few swats on the butt when a child keeps pushing is not going to hurt them.

ETA: just read the article. It's not even a study, just one person's opinion. I can promise. You that my kids don't fear me. They trust me completely. I didn't fear my parents and neither does anyone else I know who was spanked (not beaten). Most of the studies I have seen study kids who were abused and try to pass it off as studies of kids who were spanked because in their narrow minded (and incorrect) view, there is no difference.
motherslove82
by Member on May. 3, 2013 at 7:30 AM
Violence is about intent. When spanking, the intent is not to hurt, but to correct.

Quoting jojo_star:

An adult hitting, swatting, spanking, whatever you want to call it, towards a child, isn't violence? Alrighty then :)

Quoting atlmom2:

A swat on the butt is not violence.





Quoting jojo_star:

I don't. I don't spank because I can parent, and raise my children, without having to resort to violence or causing them pain. We take away privileges and give time outs/groundings, etc.




jojo_star
by on May. 3, 2013 at 8:44 AM

See it however you makes you feel better, but an adult hitting a child is violence. If a child hits a child, it's violence, adult hits and adult, violence, yet when an adult hits a child, it suddenly is no longer violence and it's considered ok? Yes, that makes total sense.

Quoting motherslove82:

Violence is about intent. When spanking, the intent is not to hurt, but to correct.

Quoting jojo_star:

An adult hitting, swatting, spanking, whatever you want to call it, towards a child, isn't violence? Alrighty then :)

Quoting atlmom2:

A swat on the butt is not violence.





Quoting jojo_star:

I don't. I don't spank because I can parent, and raise my children, without having to resort to violence or causing them pain. We take away privileges and give time outs/groundings, etc.





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