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Am I weird for allowing my kids to do things for themselves?

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I ask this because my neighbor is always so amazed that my 2 and 3 yr olds can get their own water from the sink or they get their own snacks after asking for them. I made cleaning the house fun for them because they love to vacuum so when they ask to vacuum i tell them they have to pick up the floor first and they actually doi it.

Its like he expects my kids tobe waited on hand and foot and I figure at 2 and 3 they are showing that they want to do things for themselves so I figure let them as long as what they are doing isnt going to put them in harms way. I feel like a very overprotective parent when it comes to them like when we are out I dont let them more than about 4 feet from me unless we are at the park and even then i am walking around the play equiptment keeping my eyes on both of them all the time. So when I let them have independance at home is that weird?   My husband thinks its great that they go get their own cups and they get the juice and bring it to him saying "please" especially my daughter who is 2 and talking on her terms only. He loves that they want to help with the laundry because they get to put the coins in (I have a commercial washer that came from a laundramat). We supervise them when they want to do these things but if they want to learn and they love doing things for themselves and they get to feel like they helped I think its a win for all of us.

So I guessI wonder how much independance do your kids have?

by on May. 2, 2013 at 9:47 PM
Replies (21-30):
budgie1117
by on May. 3, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I totally agree. My oldest started kindergarten this past year and I was hearing horror stories from other moms who cried for weeks after they began. They told me, "just wait until you go through it, you won't believe how hard it is." First day of school came, I dropped him off, waved goodbye and went home. I never shed a tear. I was so excited and happy for him! I had a harder time the weeks prior to the beginning of school simply because other moms freaked me out with their stories. I love my kids and want them to blossom into fine adults who do some good for this crazy world. From the moment our kids are born, we are very slowly letting them go. It's inevitable, so we moms or moms-to-be need to be in that mindset from the get go. It makes any independent streaks joyful, not heartbreaking.


Quoting atlmom2:

I see more and more mothers who don't want their kids to grow up. Too many Mom's today can't deal with children growing up. They stunt them. They cry and freak which is just not normal. Parents should be happy about children growing and changing.




Quoting budgie1117:

I never understand parents who insist on doing everything for their little ones...isn't our job as parents to help them grow into independent adults? That starts early. I try to let my kids do anything they say they want to do themselves (car seat buckles, pouring drinks, making beds, folding clothes, etc...) within reason, of course. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.


20ACE13
by on May. 3, 2013 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

You know that is exactly what my mother did to me and it drove me nuts. I had terrible emotional eating issues because of it and because she did everything for me she never did the empty nest thing so now that we live 4 miles from her she still is overly attached and will call me 67 times in one day some times.  It doesn't only hurt the kids I think its hurts the parents as well. I have been learning to put up borders with my mother but she tries to do too much for my kids as well which makes her and my realtionship strained.  Maybe that is why I do allow my kids to do so much I remember being a kid and mom doing it all so ofcurse when she insisted I clean my own room it became a 5 week long fight where usually in the end she would do it anyway.  I never want to be that parent with my kids. 


Quoting atlmom2:

I see more and more mothers who don't want their kids to grow up. Too many Mom's today can't deal with children growing up. They stunt them. They cry and freak which is just not normal. Parents should be happy about children growing and changing.


Quoting budgie1117:

I never understand parents who insist on doing everything for their little ones...isn't our job as parents to help them grow into independent adults? That starts early. I try to let my kids do anything they say they want to do themselves (car seat buckles, pouring drinks, making beds, folding clothes, etc...) within reason, of course. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.



AM-BRAT
by Amber on May. 3, 2013 at 10:18 AM

Welcome!

You're not weird, everyone does things different.

And I don't consider NOT letting my then 2yo get themselves drinks "waiting hand and foot" but I have certain cleanliness standards that don't include little kids fucking aroung in the sink.

I also work graves and sleep days so the few times we might be alone they don't have free reign to do as they please in the kitchen, nor eat food as it is dangerous while I'm sleeping.

They are 6&4, CAN get their water and clear their plates- and do. They also CAN make sandwiches and help with dinner and all that, but I refuse to let them do as they please at this point. 

So, great for you- and great for me too. We're both doing what works for us; yay!

nanasue31204
by Member on May. 3, 2013 at 10:19 AM
I do the same things with my kids! I have 3 boys, ages 8, 6 and 4, and a daughter who's 19 months. They all help in their own ways, my oldest vacuums and the other 2 boys like to dust. My 4 yr old helps dry dishes, my 6 yr old helps make dinner and all 3 put their laundry away. My daughter is the best helper, she goes around after her brothers and picks up trash, toys and their clothes lol. She gets this annoyed look on her face and make a shushing sound as she does it, like she's scolding them lmao! She also hands me clothes to fold and will pick up dirty dishes and put them in the sink, glad o switched to plastic. I think its our job as parents to teach them independence and how to pick up after themselves so they can grow into responsible adults. My parents made me do stuff but not my younger brother and sister and now my brother is still living at home, not doing anything on his own at 25 years old and my sister is living with me and we end up cleaning up after her while she lays on the couch, she's 21! So yeah my kids have chores and will continue to until they move out of our house.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on May. 3, 2013 at 10:21 AM
I only cried, and for a few minutes when we dropped our youngest dd at college and were empty nester. First 6 weeks were a little strange. Then dh and I looked at each other and said "this empty nest thing is pretty nice"!!! Some people cry for months when their kids go off to college and can't function. You prepare yourself for years and it ends up fine.


Quoting budgie1117:

I totally agree. My oldest started kindergarten this past year and I was hearing horror stories from other moms who cried for weeks after they began. They told me, "just wait until you go through it, you won't believe how hard it is." First day of school came, I dropped him off, waved goodbye and went home. I never shed a tear. I was so excited and happy for him! I had a harder time the weeks prior to the beginning of school simply because other moms freaked me out with their stories. I love my kids and want them to blossom into fine adults who do some good for this crazy world. From the moment our kids are born, we are very slowly letting them go. It's inevitable, so we moms or moms-to-be need to be in that mindset from the get go. It makes any independent streaks joyful, not heartbreaking.




Quoting atlmom2:

I see more and more mothers who don't want their kids to grow up. Too many Mom's today can't deal with children growing up. They stunt them. They cry and freak which is just not normal. Parents should be happy about children growing and changing.






Quoting budgie1117:

I never understand parents who insist on doing everything for their little ones...isn't our job as parents to help them grow into independent adults? That starts early. I try to let my kids do anything they say they want to do themselves (car seat buckles, pouring drinks, making beds, folding clothes, etc...) within reason, of course. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
babie113
by Jenny on May. 3, 2013 at 10:22 AM
No your doing it right. My ds is 3 he picks up after himself. He gets his own snacks after I ok it. I don't see the point in mollycoddleing kids
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JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2013 at 10:27 AM
I used to watch 2 kids in addition to my own 2. So I had 2 4 year olds and 2 2 year olds. Their parents would come to pick them up and were shocked that their 4 year old walked over, got a cup, and helped herself to some water. I told them that with 4 kids they have to do stuff for themselves because otherwise I would just be running in circles doing everything for them.
kali_mom
by on May. 3, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Way to go Mommy that's awesome they are so independent. Keep doing what you're doing and increase the responsibility as you see fit. By the time I was 12-13 my parents had taught me how to pay household bills, place phone calls to companies the proper way and grocery shop. I still had fun and did all the things children do but my parents knew they could depend on me if they asked me to take care of anything. Ended up that my Mom passed away when I turned 20 and those life skills I learned early on were a blessing. We have 5 children and they are all being raised to do the same. I think it's fantastic you are teaching them to be self sufficient.
Asenath
by on May. 3, 2013 at 12:07 PM

I get the same response from people a lot. My son just turned 3 and is the same way. He has been cleaning his room since he was 18 mths, and loves to help clean the house too. Lol he walks around with me in the morning and cleans up after daddy's night time messes. When he wants something he asks first, than walks into the kitchen and gets it himself. He cleans up after himself after eating, playing etc. He has even helped me clean the bathroom floor! My mom lives in another state, and about a yr and a half ago we were visiting. She commented how she was going to lecture me on the way I talk to him, until she saw how he understoon just fine. My son is very logical, so we talk to him that way. We have never talked to him like a baby, we talk to him like he is older and he responds better that way. My son uses please, thank you, sorry etc with no problems. We teach him to speak properly by not using baby words, and using manners, and he does to. Kids follow the examples they are shown, if we act like something is bad or no fun they will think that way too. 

I love how independant my son is, I think it also helps his clingy moments (that are usually bad timing) to not irritate me so much. Although, it feels as though he is growing up to fast because of it. I am the same way outside the house too, he is not allowed to roam. If walking he has to hold my hand or sit in a basket or stroller. At the park, I am trying to give him a little more space to play but that is not so easy, there are to many dangers out there.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on May. 3, 2013 at 12:21 PM

No. it's not weird. I always did the same thing.

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