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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

How do I politely...

Posted by on May. 3, 2013 at 9:49 PM
  • 21 Replies
Tell my ex his gf is not to "physically alter" (if you will) our girls? I mean like painting their nails or putting make up on them? I know it's probably stupid & not worth fighting over. And it is probably a bonding experience for them. BUT it's a color that doesn't match anything they wear on a daily basis (they wear school uniforms & royal blue polish with glitter does not go with their uniforms). Plus they don't take of their nails & they have issues like I do- polish doesn't stay on more than 12 hours (it starts to chip off within hours). I don't mind if she tries to bond with them (especially since our oldest was dead set on not going 24 hours ago!) but I don't want her messing with that kind of thing. Nails, hair, & makeup are off limits for her.
by on May. 3, 2013 at 9:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mama110981
by Member on May. 3, 2013 at 9:50 PM
U tell him just how u said it here
Mommynwife26
by Brianna on May. 3, 2013 at 9:51 PM

I would make sure that he knew cutting or dying hair or any type of permenant alteration is a no-no but I wouldn't make a big deal out of the nail polish/make up thing. I would just take it off when they get to your house.

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2013 at 9:53 PM
6 moms liked this

Well, IMO, you don't. I mean, if they come home with pierced ears or drastically different hair cuts or something, THEN I would fight about it.  But nail polish and make-up...  Things that can be easily removed in a matter of minutes???  Why bother fighting about it?  Just take it off when they get home.  Or the next day when it starts chipping.

---terrah---
by on May. 3, 2013 at 9:54 PM

How old are your girls? I would just let her know that you aren't comfortable with your daughters getting too involved with those types of things. That you are trying not to put too much emphasis on outward appearance. Just let your ex know that your daughters are at a pretty impressionable age and you would rather have them bond with his new lady over something different....

Depending on their age, they could paint pottery, go to the park, see a movie etc. Lots of stuff that don't involve physical appearance type things.

atmsmom2011
by Member on May. 3, 2013 at 9:57 PM
This. Nail polish is petty


Quoting jackiewal10:

Well, IMO, you don't. I mean, if they come home with pierced ears or drastically different hair cuts or something, THEN I would fight about it.  But nail polish and make-up...  Things that can be easily removed in a matter of minutes???  Why bother fighting about it?  Just take it off when they get home.  Or the next day when it starts chipping.


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CampClan
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2013 at 9:58 PM
That's what I did as soon as ex left... told them to go take it off. Older DD (the one who didn't want to go) said "it's going to be kind of hard because she put a special coat of something on it"! I said "I don't care- take it off!"



Quoting Mommynwife26:

I would make sure that he knew cutting or dying hair or any type of permenant alteration is a no-no but I wouldn't make a big deal out of the nail polish/make up thing. I would just take it off when they get to your house.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2013 at 10:04 PM
12 & 13... 6th & 7th grade. We (including myself) are not big on outward appearances! My avitar shows me all dolled up but that was at Christmas time & I was singing at the Christmas Eve service at church. I do allow them to wear make up when they have a school concert (orchestra & choir) or for special church functions.

Quoting ---terrah---:

How old are your girls? I would just let her know that you aren't comfortable with your daughters getting too involved with those types of things. That you are trying not to put too much emphasis on outward appearance. Just let your ex know that your daughters are at a pretty impressionable age and you would rather have them bond with his new lady over something different....

Depending on their age, they could paint pottery, go to the park, see a movie etc. Lots of stuff that don't involve physical appearance type things.

Jenn8604
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2013 at 10:07 PM
I agree.

Quoting ---terrah---:

How old are your girls? I would just let her know that you aren't comfortable with your daughters getting too involved with those types of things. That you are trying not to put too much emphasis on outward appearance. Just let your ex know that your daughters are at a pretty impressionable age and you would rather have them bond with his new lady over something different....

Depending on their age, they could paint pottery, go to the park, see a movie etc. Lots of stuff that don't involve physical appearance type things.

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Bmat
by Barb on May. 3, 2013 at 10:07 PM

She shouldn't make any permanent changes- piercings, hairstyle- but some blush, or nail polish- let it go.  Don't embarrass the girls by insisting that they remove it immediately.  You can make them feel more comfortable by saying "wow your nails are painted, cool! Of course tomorrow let's take it off since it will start flaking off anyway."  It is embarrassing and frustrating for children to have adults do one thing and other adults say no that is bad.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2013 at 10:13 PM
I see your point but when the one adult isn't even their stepmother! And their father isn't much of a father & picks & chooses when he wants to see them... I think they should have asked 1st! AND considering he knows I don't allow them to wear any make up other than gloss on a regular basis... he better not allow her to put make up on them! The rules we set for them back when they were toddlers were no make up until they were 14 & even then it was at MY disgression & I was the one to teach them how to subtly put it on!

Quoting Bmat:

She shouldn't make any permanent changes- piercings, hairstyle- but some blush, or nail polish- let it go.  Don't embarrass the girls by insisting that they remove it immediately.  You can make them feel more comfortable by saying "wow your nails are painted, cool! Of course tomorrow let's take it off since it will start flaking off anyway."  It is embarrassing and frustrating for children to have adults do one thing and other adults say no that is bad.

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