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How would you feel if your kid's uncle paid them no attention?

Posted by on May. 4, 2013 at 2:58 PM
  • 48 Replies
1 mom liked this

My husband's brother and his wife have almost nothing to do with my kids.  It wouldn't be so bad, but they take my stepchildren everywhere with them and my kids ask why they can't go, etc.  All 4 kids are my husband's biological children, so there shouldn't be any different treatment.  My BIL is a really nice guy, but his wife is very, very quite to the point that she doesn't even speak when she comes to my house or anywhere else that we see them.  It's the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed.  She seems happy to see the older 2 kids, but could care less about my two.  It is a known fact she dislikes me, so I am sure it all stems from that.  They take the other 2 kids on vacation every summer with them, my 10 year old daughter is noticing now that she is being left out.  What should I tell her when she asks, why can't I go with uncle this year?

by on May. 4, 2013 at 2:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LilliesValley
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:01 PM
5 moms liked this
Your dh needs to put his foot down. Theres no reason for that crap. I just wouldn't invite them over myself. And no they wouldn't be taking step kids anywhere either.
rockinmomto2
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2013 at 3:04 PM
6 moms liked this

I wouldn't let any of the kids go if they can't all go. It doesn't matter if they're your step children, they're all your husbands kids.

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2013 at 3:08 PM
2 moms liked this

Well, I guess that MY question is, WHY in the world do YOU let them do that??  Either everyone goes, or NO ONE goes.  I realize that if your stepchildrens bio mom is the one saying "yes, they can go" then you can't do a whole lot, but your DH DEFINITELY needs to step in here.  And should have a LONG LONG time ago. 

TJandKarasMom
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:09 PM
2 moms liked this

We stopped seeing my family altogether because of this issue.  My SD is DH's but she lives with us full time, calls me mom, she is mine.  But DS (he is 11 mos older) gets special attention from my parents and my brother and his gf.  So we've stopped putting in the effort to see them too often.  I'd like to not see them at all, it's so much easier.  But we do still see them for holidays.  We use it as a teaching time for both kids to see that people will treat them differently for different reasons. 

My brother also just had a baby, he was super early and is in the NICU, I am never invited to see him and my brother and the gf are hardly there anyway (and one has to be there for anyone else to go in).  I have seen him a couple times, but not for weeks now.  My kids have also seen how my parents have had NO contact with them/me in about 6 weeks, they are too busy with the baby.  Again, I just teach them that people act badly sometimes and hurt us, but we can try to learn from those feelings and hopefully we never make anyone else feel that way.

I decided, along with DH, that if my family can't treat the kids equally, then they don't get to treat them at all.  They are never allowed to take either or both without me there.  And I have become more vocal about what they say/do in front of my kids.

dolphingurl1286
by Member on May. 4, 2013 at 3:10 PM
If all the kids couldn't go, then none would go.
mom-o-7
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:13 PM

I have talked to my husband time and time again about the situation.  He feels bad for his oldest 2 children bc their BM has never had much to do with them, so he continues to let them go and my BIL and his wife help him raise them before I came along.  I think they feel entitled somehow because of this.  I don't care about any of that, I just care about my 10 year old and my 5 year old one day, thinking am I not special enough to go with uncle??  You are right, my husband has to be the one to put his foot down...until he does, what do I say to my 10 yr old?

offrdngal
by Terri on May. 4, 2013 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 My son's aunts (my sisters) don't pay him any attention and his uncles (dad's brothers) don't pay attention to him....I figure that it's their loss.  They are missing out on a wonderful nephew.

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2013 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Why don't YOU put your foot down with your DH and tell him that if the younger 2 can't go, then the older 2 can't either.  It's not fair to the younger two to feel left out of something for no reason other than they are yours.  I wouldn't tell your 10 year old anything.  I would make your DH do it so that he knows exactly how affected by all this she is.

Quoting mom-o-7:

I have talked to my husband time and time again about the situation.  He feels bad for his oldest 2 children bc their BM has never had much to do with them, so he continues to let them go and my BIL and his wife help him raise them before I came along.  I think they feel entitled somehow because of this.  I don't care about any of that, I just care about my 10 year old and my 5 year old one day, thinking am I not special enough to go with uncle??  You are right, my husband has to be the one to put his foot down...until he does, what do I say to my 10 yr old?


mom-o-7
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:18 PM

My husband deals with his family when it comes to these type issues.  I have tried to do it and everyone hates my guts for it.  I am the horrible stepmom/wife!  Yes I agree he should have stepped in a long time ago.  I'm going to talk to him about it again this week, summer is coming up and every year I dread it bc my children get hurt... 


Quoting jackiewal10:

Well, I guess that MY question is, WHY in the world do YOU let them do that??  Either everyone goes, or NO ONE goes.  I realize that if your stepchildrens bio mom is the one saying "yes, they can go" then you can't do a whole lot, but your DH DEFINITELY needs to step in here.  And should have a LONG LONG time ago. 


 

IntactivistMama
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:19 PM
My BiL is severely mentally ill, unstable, is on drugs/alcohol blah blah. I'm relieved if he leaves us alone.
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