New baby almost here, but my daughter is having a hard time....advise needed ASAP!!!!
I am about to be induced in just a couple of days. I also have a daughter who is almost 6 years old. Though she is excited about being a big sister she is also having a tough time with it. Her bio father and I divorced when she was just 2 years old and then when she was 3 years old we found out that she was being sexually abused by him. As a result she has extreme anxiety, and PTSD. She is home with me full time, homeschooled, etc. she is on medication at nighttime to help her with her flashbacks etc. so she can sleep. She has been in therapy since we found out what was happening. She changed to a more intensive therapy in January because her level of PTSD,and anxiety required more care then the therapist she was seeing could provide. She now has duel therapist that come to our home 2 days a week for 1 1/2 hrs per session. Though my daughter has come very far in her therapy, there is still so much healing to be done.
Since my divorce I have been in a relationship with the same man, and my daughter really connects with him. She see's him as a dad type figure, and calls him 'papi'. He is the father of the baby I am about to deliver. He has two daughters from a previous relationship ages 13 and 10yrs old. My daughter considers them her sisters, though they don't live with us. My SO and I have had a rocky road the last year, with a lot happening. He moved out right around the time I found out I was pregnant, and it's just been my daughter and I during the pregnancy for the most part. It's been hard, but through couple therapy we've come a long way, and he began with overnights, and is moving home this week. He always continued his relationship with my daughter, calling nightly to say goodnight and see how her day went, etc. but he wasn't very reliable and did several times let her down by not coming when he said he would, or calling at the time he said he would, and even a few times where said he would move home and last minute didn't. This crushed me, but more so it crushed my already vulnerable daughter.
With this new baby only days away from coming my daughter is getting more and more emotional. Tonight she came in my room, and said mom I am depressed. I asked her what depressed meant. She replied it means your tired, and don't want to talk to anyone, and just feeling bad...and you don't want to eat, except I still want to eat. While I was proud she identified a feeling ( we have been working hard on tha tin therapy) I was crushed that my daughter had these feelings. I asked her why she thought she felt that way, and told her that I was proud she came to me with these feelings. Told her she can always come talk with me. (which she knows, as we are super close!) she at first said I don't know why, but then quickly went into her fears of her new sister taking all my time, and that everyone would love her sister more. Basicly her fears seem very age appropriate, but I think they are heightened due to all she has been through.
I tried my best to tell her that nobody could ever replace her, we read books on what to expect with a new baby, and I have done my best to keep her very involved. So involved that she took up the position of 'breathing coach' in the delivery room, and we have watched countless birthing videos. She is excited about the actual birth, just not so excited about taking her sister home with us.
So I am wondering if any of you ladies have been through this with your children? If so, what helped ease this transistion, and helped your children bond together?
She was very upset, and while reading the book, she would frequently turn the other way, and make a comment like no I won't be friends with her, or and nobody will love me anymore, etc. Her anger was apparent, and she even yelled into her pillow several times. I so badly want to help her, but don't know what else to do. Any ideas???