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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

what would you do?

Posted by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:25 AM
  • 15 Replies
I am 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. Both of my other kids were born in the hospital with a doctor. I didn't use medication either time and had natural/ uncomplicated deliveries and pregnancies. I want to do this third labor and delivery at home with a midwife, but living in Maryland, it is super difficult to find a home birth midwife. Finally through an acquaintance who has done home birth I got in touch with a midwife. The midwife takes my insurance, but only as an out of network provider. She wants to be paid up front and will submit a claim and reimburse after the birth. We would have an $800 deductible, plus a few other small fees for the birth kit, and birth assistant ($700 to be paid up front and reimbursed after insurance claim.) The issue is that after all is said and done, dh and I would be paying roughly $2500 out of pocket. And we would have to come up with a $3600 dollar deposit with in the next 16 weeks. On the other hand, if I stick with my ob/gyn and deliver in a hospital we will still have to pay a bit out of pocket but it would be more like $1000. Dh has said he won't stop me from doing the delivery at home, but he also keeps reminding me that there is a small chance we could wind up paying the midwife the full fee if insurance rejects the claim. It is not likely they would reject it, but it could happen. I feel like dh would prefer me to deliver in the hospital (though he won't say it out loud) because of the insurance. But delivery at home would be ideal for both of us and my other kids who we are having trouble finding child care for. The $2500 would not break the bank, but it would make things a little tight for a while. So, I guess I'm wondering what some of you would do. Is it selfish of me to have the birth experience I want even though it is more expensive? Or should I just suck it up and go to the hospital and pay less? I'm really torn, and I don't want to disappoint dh by choosing something that he feels is too much. But at the same time, I know I will not be very happy in the hospital missing my boys and not being able to relax and enjoy my new baby.
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JoeMax
by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:09 AM
Thanks for the advice. A loan is probably not an option this close to needing payment, but if it came to it we could always do credit card.


Quoting luvemboth:

I'd do the birth experience you want. Even more so if this is your last baby. My friend paid out of pocket for a home birth (actually got a loan for it that took over a yr to pay off) and she said it was the best decision she made.

JoeMax
by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:36 AM
Bump!
oahoah
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2013 at 11:24 AM

If your main reason for wanting a home birth is to make it a family experience, find out if your hospital has family birthing rooms, I know of many hospitals who do. Another option for you to look into is hiring a doula who may be able to help you have the birth experience you want while in the hospital (don't know about insurance coverage for doula's).   I personally have become more frugal through the years so I cant see myself picking the more expensive option for anything BUT in your case this is really tough, I just have to say that it's great that your husband is supporting whatever you decide.  Try to peek into your future & see how much you would regret not having the birth experience you want and that may help you decide. GL!!

JoeMax
by on May. 7, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Thanks for the response, I want to do it at home because I love the idea of having the comforts of home and minimal interference after the birth. The hospital is just not a relaxing place for me, and I hate the thought of being away from my boys for so long. I am afraid I would regret it if I didn't do it when I have the chance, this is likely my last baby, but I just hate the thought of putting extra stress on my dh.


Quoting oahoah:

If your main reason for wanting a home birth is to make it a family experience, find out if your hospital has family birthing rooms, I know of many hospitals who do. Another option for you to look into is hiring a doula who may be able to help you have the birth experience you want while in the hospital (don't know about insurance coverage for doula's).   I personally have become more frugal through the years so I cant see myself picking the more expensive option for anything BUT in your case this is really tough, I just have to say that it's great that your husband is supporting whatever you decide.  Try to peek into your future & see how much you would regret not having the birth experience you want and that may help you decide. GL!!


LoreleiSieja
by on May. 7, 2013 at 12:51 PM

I would be willing to bet that your dh's real underlying reason has nothing to do with insurance, but perhaps fear.  He might be a bit afraid of losing you!  He might be thinking that the hospital is a safer environment. And there is the possibility that this pregnancy could be different, that you might end up going to the hospital anyway.  You should talk to him, and see what his true feelings are - not because you need to go to the hospital, but because you need to help him understand.  Hospitals are NOT SAFER.  Yes, if there is a life and death situation, you need a doctor. But for the normal delivery, hospitals pose a health risk.  There are so many germs and bacteria in a hospital... your risk of a post-delivery infection is much greater there.

If there is a problem, a good midwife should notice that your pregnancy is not progressing normally, and will recommend that you see a doctor, before it comes to the delivery date.  

I don't think it's selfish to want the delivery of your choice.  I am a FIRM BELIEVER that your thoughts and feelings cross over into the baby, and can affect the baby's emotional health.  If the mom is stressed and tired and cranky, the baby is often born "colicky".  If the mom is happy, relaxed, and deeply in love with the baby's father, the baby is far more likely to be born relaxed and laid back and a good sleeper. I've seen this happen over and over and over again!  So, do whatever you have to do, to be a happy mommy.  Your baby may never actually "thank you"... but if he could talk - he would!

After all... money is only money.  Life -that's what's important.

http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/


JoeMax
by on May. 7, 2013 at 1:29 PM
Thank you, dh and I actually just talked about it again. Dh actually crunched the numbers, and it will be do-able. We are planning to use our tax return for part of it, and break the rest up between savings and checking. I am going to have to sacrifice a few of the new baby items I was planning to get, and my new kitchen floor, but at least now I can make the decision without fear of stretching our finances too far. I will keep you all up dated once I decide for sure. My dh was actually born at home, and he thinks it is a good idea, but I stay at home and so his check covers everything. I just Hate to put an extra financial burden on him without weighing all options first.


Quoting LoreleiSieja:

I would be willing to bet that your dh's real underlying reason has nothing to do with insurance, but perhaps fear.  He might be a bit afraid of losing you!  He might be thinking that the hospital is a safer environment. And there is the possibility that this pregnancy could be different, that you might end up going to the hospital anyway.  You should talk to him, and see what his true feelings are - not because you need to go to the hospital, but because you need to help him understand.  Hospitals are NOT SAFER.  Yes, if there is a life and death situation, you need a doctor. But for the normal delivery, hospitals pose a health risk.  There are so many germs and bacteria in a hospital... your risk of a post-delivery infection is much greater there.

If there is a problem, a good midwife should notice that your pregnancy is not progressing normally, and will recommend that you see a doctor, before it comes to the delivery date.  

I don't think it's selfish to want the delivery of your choice.  I am a FIRM BELIEVER that your thoughts and feelings cross over into the baby, and can affect the baby's emotional health.  If the mom is stressed and tired and cranky, the baby is often born "colicky".  If the mom is happy, relaxed, and deeply in love with the baby's father, the baby is far more likely to be born relaxed and laid back and a good sleeper. I've seen this happen over and over and over again!  So, do whatever you have to do, to be a happy mommy.  Your baby may never actually "thank you"... but if he could talk - he would!

After all... money is only money.  Life -that's what's important.


StacyO722
by on May. 7, 2013 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm not meaning to be rude, just expressing my opinion. Just thought I'd put that out there 1st.

Just because you had 2 uncomplicated births does not mean this one will be just as easy. Complications can arise very quickly. If something were to happen while you were at home, you'd then have to be taken to the hospital anyway. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I am one to think of every situation and the risks to me outweigh the benefits of having the baby at home.

This is again my opinion. I'm sure you have thought about all of this stuff and made your own informed decision of birthing at home.

All that being said......As long as the money is not an issue, do what you want to. If you let people push you into doing something you don't want, you'll regret it in the end.

Good luck Mama.

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on May. 7, 2013 at 2:19 PM
Do what you want. I had a perfect first pregnancy and delivery. 2nd pregnancy was perfect except delivery. I ended up bleeding out pretty bad. I scared my husband.
JoeMax
by on May. 7, 2013 at 2:24 PM
You're absolutely right, and I did take that into consideration. In the end we have actually decided to continue with my ob/gyn. If I had been able yo find the midwife sooner we would have done it, but it is just too much money all at once.


Quoting StacyO722:

 I'm not meaning to be rude, just expressing my opinion. Just thought I'd put that out there 1st.


Just because you had 2 uncomplicated births does not mean this one will be just as easy. Complications can arise very quickly. If something were to happen while you were at home, you'd then have to be taken to the hospital anyway. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I am one to think of every situation and the risks to me outweigh the benefits of having the baby at home.


This is again my opinion. I'm sure you have thought about all of this stuff and made your own informed decision of birthing at home.


All that being said......As long as the money is not an issue, do what you want to. If you let people push you into doing something you don't want, you'll regret it in the end.


Good luck Mama.


marisab
by on May. 7, 2013 at 2:59 PM

do the way makes u most comfortable

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