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Can you guys tell me what's going on in our relationship?

Posted by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:04 PM
  • 12 Replies

Hey everyone...its been awhile since i've been on cafemom. Things have been very calm in my life lately..I can actually say im quite happy .


So Im still with the guy I met online. Alot has happened since I made that post last month. He basically dumped me...and said he was through.It's not working out etc. I didnt want to end things so I made one last ditch effort and told him that I loved him . ( I didnt at the time i just really liked his company and the affection) He softened after i told him i loved him and he came over so we can talk. We  talked for hours and decided to try again.


Since that night our relationship intensified greatly. It's like a totally different relationship . We get along fantastically...He changed alot. I feel things for him I never felt for any other man ...not even my babyfather who i swore up and down I was in love with and was so hurt... What i feel for my current boyfriend is way more intense than anything i ever felt with my babyfather. It doesnt even come close. 

The only thing that's bothering me is the fact that I have more feelings for him than he does for me. The sex we have is like nothing ive ever experienced before in my life...and we were talking about it and i said yeah its like making love but without the actual love since you dont love me . He wrote me a very long text explaining that eventhough he doesnt say the words he does love me...and his words were very true. I know what he said was a fact. He looks at me and i just get a ton of butterflies....He's constantly staring at me ...any and everywhere we go . He just stares at me like he's in love and i told him i dont do PDA but when we lock eyes he just cant help himself.. We were outside yesterday and he was staring as usual and he kissed me and my knees literally buckled ..We were ordering pizza last week and a little kid ... he was maybe 10 years old and he said " I just want to tell you that you two look so nice together. " His mother who was standing there agreed with him and she told us that she has a feeling and were a blessed couple and she went on and on. It was WEIRD....weirdest thing that ever happened to me in my life! We werent even NEAR eachother when the kid said it..I was standing off to the side ... and as we walked home he looked at me and i felt faint .. I felt like I was literally staring at my husband. 


I feel as though this has to stop... things are WAY intense . I think im gonna end up getting hurt. 

There are times where ill send him a sweet text and he wont respond to it at all ...than my feelings are hurt but i dont want to seem clingy so i dont mention it at all the next day . 

He told me yesterday via text that he loves me but he is not in love with me. I feel like im in love with him. It's not equal at all. 

An hour ago i texted him i said describe our intimacy...sex...intense sex..or making love. I was hoping he'd say making love...but he said intense sex! My feelings are hurt ... I havent texted him back . I dont know what to do from this point ... How do I pull back all these feelings for him? He's not in love with me :( 

I dont understand why he's not in love with me. 


I want to be able to keep things going...but instead of me being the chaser... I want him to chase me and intensify his feelings for me instead of the other way around. 

by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PandTsmomjuly
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:26 PM
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You can't force a man to show his feelings until he's ready and he might never be. I said I love you to my guy about 6 months before he told me.

If he doesn't feel it, he doesn't feel it. You reached out and now you will get burned. It happens. You heal and move on and are stronger than before.

How long have you known this guy?

luvemboth
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 9:04 PM
1 mom liked this
He already broke up with you. You told a lie in hopes of getting him back. He mentioned he loves you, but says he doesn't say those words = he simply doesn't love you and is stringing you along.

It sound like he's in it for the sex. That's it. You seem desperate for love and will give him whatever he wants in hopes if feeling wanted by him. You're worth so much more than this! Don't worry about finding a guy. Work on yourself and the right guy will find you....and when he does, take it slow.
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SupermarketMama
by Member on May. 8, 2013 at 9:58 PM


He's not in it for the sex ... I know how guys are when they just want sex. He's not even all that sexual ... Like his sex drive isnt that great but when we do have sex its FANTASTIC. I know its an unhealthy relationship so i suggested that we just be friends with benefits and I wanted the sex with no strings and he refused it. He said he'd never just use my body for sex and if I wasnt going to be his woman it'd be his last time speaking to me because he doesnt want friends with benefits.

I dont know what could he possibly get out of this if he truly is stringing me along and using me in some way. I asked him ... multiple times.. in his face.. I told him to tell me the truth and he's been consistent in telling me that he wants to be with me and he enjoys being with me. There are times that he writes me the most sweetest stuff i've ever read...it's so poetic. I google it just to make sure he isnt copying it from somewhere and it's legit. 

I questioned his feelings for me and when i said oh you love me like a friend he wrote "I love you more than a friend. When I look at you it feel like life just restarted itself. Yet i never said I love you. I think when we kiss I say it.When we hug I said it. When listening to you I said it. When we sex I scream it so loud its deafening the audio of our sensual intimacy but I just cant say it .Its there just shackled behind my insecurities. If I cried you'll feel every opportunity that I had to shout it . Feel like im under an repressed religion. My lips dribbles the meaning whenever im talking to you. When I look at you I can almost picture you seeing it...yet I never said it. I dont want to say it so quick Yet I dont want to say it too late cause if you ever truly walk away permanently..My life would burn " 

When i read that...I was like OMGGGGGGG ...I felt so faint ..because honestly the way he looks at me..He looks like he's in love with me. It's not really a lustful look ..He just gazes at me constantly and its really intense.  

Quoting luvemboth:

He already broke up with you. You told a lie in hopes of getting him back. He mentioned he loves you, but says he doesn't say those words = he simply doesn't love you and is stringing you along.

It sound like he's in it for the sex. That's it. You seem desperate for love and will give him whatever he wants in hopes if feeling wanted by him. You're worth so much more than this! Don't worry about finding a guy. Work on yourself and the right guy will find you....and when he does, take it slow.



SupermarketMama
by Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:02 PM


Not that long...we started talking online around the end of January...we met in March sometime...and now it's May so ..a few months maybe. Im just upset he doesnt see us having sex as making love...its just intense sex to him. That bugs me.

Quoting PandTsmomjuly:

You can't force a man to show his feelings until he's ready and he might never be. I said I love you to my guy about 6 months before he told me.

If he doesn't feel it, he doesn't feel it. You reached out and now you will get burned. It happens. You heal and move on and are stronger than before.

How long have you known this guy?



bmw29
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this
FFS Why did I read this?
Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:18 PM
1 mom liked this

If he says he loves you but isn't IN LOVE with you, you need to get out of it. That's not good enough and you know it.

rockinmomto2
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:22 PM

I only opened this for the comments. 

Bloom4ever
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:22 PM

"you can lead a heart to love but you can't make it fall" that's part of a song that comes to mind when I read this...you can WANT him to love you but you can't make his heart love you until it's ready to...and it almost seems like you're lyning about loving him when he wanted to break up with you says you were trying to lead your heart to love him...

SupermarketMama
by Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:52 PM


In the begining i didnt LIKE him let alone love him... I felt like he catfished me. He was better looking in pics than he was in person. I thought he was ugly as hell. I wouldnt even be seen with him. I didnt like his personality eithier...he laughed way too much and was just annoying in general. Everything about him bothered me...but when he left I felt extremely lonely...so i basically reached out to get back together..Now ive gotten used to his looks . We even held hands in public yesterday. Im becoming more attracted to him everyday.Now its the opposite...now i love everything about him ...flaws and all. 

Quoting Bloom4ever:

"you can lead a heart to love but you can't make it fall" that's part of a song that comes to mind when I read this...you can WANT him to love you but you can't make his heart love you until it's ready to...and it almost seems like you're lyning about loving him when he wanted to break up with you says you were trying to lead your heart to love him...



Lindalou907
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 11:05 PM

Just chill, this is still a very new relationship, give it some more time. Men love confident, self assured, happy women. Work on that and then see what happens.

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