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7 year old issues

Posted by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:36 PM
  • 12 Replies
Hello everyone, I have a 7 year old daughter, who has just been talking back so bad. Yelling, stomping feet and there a pencil at my husband because she was so mad. It has been getting worse. I try to talk to her and ask if anything is bothering her and if that is the reason, but she says no. So tonight it was bad so I told her she can't join soccer now because of how she has been acting. Was that to harsh. I am feeling guilty. I have down the time ours the corner .no toys or TV and she still acts this way so I figured to try this. She is in dance already, but I don't know.
by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:36 PM
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PandTsmomjuly
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:47 PM

Good luck. I'm dealing with this with my 9 year old and it started about that age.

I'm ready to just beat the crap out of her and show her who is queen in this house...

But I'm too good a mom to abuse my child like that... unfortunately.

If you figure it out, let me know cuz nothin's workin' over here!

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:47 PM

I posted something in the elem. group on how to combat or get past this stage.  For my daughter who is 7, when she starts talking back, i get quiet and just look at her. When there is no one to go back and forth with, the one sided yelling or being sassy is not as much fun.  You can get creative and when she stomps her feet, everyone goes outside and she has to jump as hard as she can on the ground 5 times.  

alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on May. 8, 2013 at 9:50 PM

 ohh my daughter just turned 9, and still does this every once in a while too..i'd say it started around age 7.   if ya figure it out, let me know! lol

Karine561
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this
You daughter has to know that she's got to respect her parents and it's a privilege to go to soccer or other. It's ok to be hard until she learn to change.
My mom always give me this advise "when you say no mean it and don't change you mind or you kid will know you cannot keep you word"
You daughter needs to know her limit or you'll have lot more problems in the years to come.
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2013 at 2:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Why grade-schoolers talk back

When you tell your grade-schooler that it's time for bed, he shoots back a sassy "Whatever." Does this display of attitude mean you're in for years of lip?

Not necessarily. You can lay the blame for some of that sass on peer pressure (a phenomenon you're likely to see more and more of). Often, though, "When a child talks back, what he's really expressing is anger, frustration, fear, or hurt," says Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline. Of course, it's hard not to respond punitively to such back talk. A wiser course of action, though, is to try to get to the bottom of what's eating your child and teach him to express it in a more acceptable way.

What to do about back talk

Keep your composure. Don't overreact to your child's mouthing off or get into a power struggle over his choice of words or his tone. And, of course, never respond in kind. The best way to teach your grade-schooler to speak respectfully is to do so yourself. So tell him, "I think you can find a better way to say that." A knee-jerk "Don't you talk to me that way, you little brat!," on the other hand, won't set a very good example, and will add to his frustration.

Turn a deaf ear. If your grade-schooler's suddenly turned nasty, don't negotiate, compromise, or even discuss his opinion with him, which will only reinforce the behavior. If, for instance, you're sharing a lively game of Go Fish and he spits out, "This sucks!" when his lucky streak ends, tell him that you won't play with him unless he talks nicely. If he continues to sass, make good on your promise and end the game immediately (no more chances!). Leave the room, and tell him, "We'll talk when you're ready to be nice."

Of course, you can't exactly abandon your child in the checkout line if he tries to sass you into buying a candy bar. When faced with public back talk, don't be intimidated into being a pushover (or a taskmaster, for that matter). Briefly and calmly let your grade-schooler know that being nasty — no matter where or when — doesn't cut it. Find a quiet spot and tell him that if he does it again, there will be a consequence: missing his favorite TV show, say, or skipping the post-shopping trip to the playground you'd planned. Showing your child that you respect yourself too much to be treated this way will both model respect and earn it.

Offer choices. If your grade-schooler has some say-so during the course of his day, he's less likely to feel the need to assert himself in offensive ways. So give him plenty of opportunities to make choices for himself. "Would you rather go to the park or the library this afternoon?" or "Do you want pasta or chicken nuggets for dinner?" Be sure to offer acceptable choices, and respect the ones he makes. Don't give your child a choice between ice cream and fresh fruit for dessert if you know that you're really trying to steer him toward the fruit and that ice cream isn't a choice you can live with.

Draw the line. Make sure your grade-schooler understands what is — and isn't — okay to say. So if saying that something "blows" is verboten, or if you don't appreciate his responding to an earnest explanation with a sarcastic "Duh!" make that clear. "It's vital to set limits and stick to them," says Wade Horn, a clinical psychologist in Gaithersburg, Maryland. "If you don't, you're inviting defiance."

Also remind your child that he doesn't have to give voice to every thought that runs through his head. Grandma doesn't need to be told, however innocently, that her pie is runny, and the bagger at the grocery store doesn't need to hear from your grade-schooler that he could stand to lose a little weight.

Get behind the back talk. When your child verbally lashes out at you, let him know that you care about his feelings, even if you don't approve of the way he's expressing them. Acknowledging his emotions — "Boy, you sound really angry about this"— often takes the wind out of a child's sails, because it removes you from the adversarial role. If you can get past his tone, you can focus on the message he's trying to convey. "Are you angry because you have to stop your game to pick up your socks?" If he can talk about it calmly, try to come up with a compromise you both can live with. Perhaps he can have a few minutes to wrap up his GameBoy marathon, then put his socks in the laundry basket, for instance.

More often than not, though, you'll need to save the soul-searching sessions for later. It's best to work on the deeper issues involved in back talk well after tempers have cooled, so revisit the subject when you can hash it out in a more level-headed way. "I know you get angry when I ask you to pick up after yourself, but did you think that calling me 'stupid' would make me back off? What would work better next time?"

Focus on solutions. You may discover — in your child's calmer, more polite moments — the real reasons behind his defiant outbursts. Maybe he gets angry about cleaning up because you always ask when he's in the middle of something. If so, offer to give him a five-minute warning the next time you need him to do his chores. Perhaps he fights going to bed every night not because "It's a stupid bed!" but because he's frightened by the shadows creeping across his wall. In that case, buy him a flashlight to keep on his nightstand, or install blinds to keep the creepy shadows at bay. If you keep an eye on your goal — harmony and mutual respect — you'll be better able to keep your cool when your grade-schooler mouths off.

Swap stories and advice about behavior and discipline with other parents in the BabyCenter Community.

Libra113
by Member on May. 9, 2013 at 6:53 PM

THank YOu for posting that! I know it is the right thing to not let her join soccer due to her attitude and actions lately, I just feel bad and dont want to be a mean mom. I told her she can join next year if she smartens up. I always tell her I love her but she is making poor choices.

Beth3721
by Member on May. 9, 2013 at 7:01 PM
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Figure out what triggers it.  My DD has a lot of problems with acting out and we've been working on them by figuring out the problem together.  Example-- I will say, "You haven't been getting ready in the morning when I ask you to, you fight with me and yell at me.  Why is that?"  Keep on asking questions to get to the bottom of it.  In this case I would say after I found out why, "Ok, well my concern is that you will be late for school and I will be late for work if you don't get ready on time."  Ask her how she thinks you can fix it together to make both of you happy.  Try to come to a resolution that will be realistic and reasonable. If it doesn't solve the issue, try to find a different solution. Take your time with these conversations and let her know she can talk to you without being rushed.

SamMom912
by Silver Member on May. 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I liked a lot of what a few other moms had to say..

 Treat your child with respect and concern. They will do it in return. Im not saying that you disresepct her.. Im guessing youve been the typcial.. "You do as i say, dont talk to me like that go to your room parent..". Where thats not concern or respect... Its typcal.. Just not effective in constituting change. 

I will say.. Would you like to try that again? Can you try that again with the proper tone? 

Our kids (and ALL OF US) act out when the demands being placed on them are more then they can handle. When do you lash out? When youre overloaded--- and your way older then 6! Right?,

So, when youre dd is overloaded (emotionally, physically) she acts out... 

When you are having a hard time.. Do you want someone to be nice, patient and compassionate? Or do you want someone to bark orders at you? 

Treating your DD with compassion and concern will get you way father. It will deescalate the situation.. Instead of adding fuel to the fire-- where she yells, you yell at her, she yells back, she gets sent to her room, and gets some random punishment. Its takes two to tango... And if you diffuse the explosion with sincere concern...

"Wow, you sound really upset. Is something going on? You dont typically talk to me that way... Whats up?" and really in the heat of the moment (its not the greatest time to have a heart to heart ) but there is still the compassion, recognition of an underlying issue..

Cause I am guessing that your DD knows your The mom. She knows your boss. She knows right and wrong.. But something is making her feel on edge and overloaded... 

Hugs mom... 

Libra113
by Member on May. 10, 2013 at 8:36 AM
Yes I agree. I am the typical mom lol but it doesn't work so I am trying to change. I appreciate all ofthe tips.
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2013 at 9:20 AM
Consistant discipline.
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