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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

This is so awkward...

Posted by on May. 16, 2013 at 10:17 PM
  • 7 Replies

My DS , who is 5, will be graduating from preschool this coming week. There is going to be a small graduation ceremony with a reception afterwards. The preschool is in a church so this will all take place in their fellowship hall.

The director of the preschool posted a sign up sheet about a week ago, so that all the parents could list how many people they would have coming. That way, the preschool would know how much food, drinks etc to buy. We were told many times to invite family, friends, etc.

Here's my problem....

I was recently told that the school does not want siblings (babies) to attend this graduation because they are afraid that the siblings will "steal the limelight" from the preschool student They want the focus of the day to be on the preschooler and   that they don't want the babies to steal the spotlight from the preschool class. I was basically told that if I brought my 1 year old to the ceremony that he would have to be put in the church nursery for the duration of the event.

This is upsetting to me for a few reasons. 

1. I don't know the people who work in the nursery. This isn't my home church so I'm not even sure if these people have background checks or not. I've never really met these nursery workers so I would basically be trusting my baby to people that I've never met.

2. My 1 year old is going through severe separation anxiety. So my plopping him in a nursery full of people that he doesn't know would end up being upsetting to him. He would end up crying and screaming and it would be emotionally upsetting to him and my DH and I.

3. This is supposed to be a family event, and our 1 year old is part of our family. It would seem odd to me to be celebrating such a big milestone event for our 5 year old without our youngest DS being there. Older DS keeps saying that he wants his little brother to watch him graduate.

Most of my family plans on being at the graduation so we wouldn't have a babysitter to watch our 1 year old. We don't have any close friends that we would feel safe leaving our baby with.

Should I just tell the director that our 1 year old is coming and that's the way it has to be. Let her know that putting him in the nursery isn't an option at this point and that if he gets rowdy, we'll take him outside. Or should I let the director know that if our 1 year old isn't welcome, that our family won't be able to attend. 

I would hate to not attend but I feel like the school is putting me in a very awkward position...


by on May. 16, 2013 at 10:17 PM
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Replies (1-7):
SamMom912
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2013 at 10:58 PM

Hmmm, that is awkward. Id call the school and voice your concerns with them. See if they have some suggestions for you, or if they would be willing to break the rule for you... Id agree that if the baby peeped, youd need to leave... So you or hubby (or whomever else of your family is attending) may miss part.. Or maybe swap so you can each see part.

I think as long as you voice your concerns, that is all you can do. If they dont agree, then maybe your son should skip graduation - you guys could go have a wonderful fun day elsewhere and you should send your other child to a different  preschool since they are so rigid. 

Best of luck to you... 

sissy502
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 12:50 AM

If your 1 yr old begins a fuss & you have to walk out with a crying child, it's not just YOUR family being effected.

I don't see the problem with using the free daycare offered. 

A school has to do background checks.... a church does not. (church nursery director here) 

SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2013 at 1:12 AM

Find out if the nursery workers have background checks. Plus, there will probably be babies and other kids in there so your 1 year old would probably have a lot of playing with the other kids. Go early so he can get used to the people in the nursery-like 30 minutes to an hour early. Don't skip graduation for your son. This is an  important milestone for him. You or hubby film it and then he can watch with his little brother later.

anotherandree
by Inga on May. 17, 2013 at 1:20 AM

I agree that if your 1 yr old gets fussy, YOUR FAMILY is not the only one effected.  I do think that you have very valid concerns about the background checks, but instead of freaking out, why not ask.  Also, this graduation is not "a family event," it is a ceremony CELEBRATING the achievement of your preschooler and I think that is something you should keep in the forefront of your mind.  

My suggestion is that you get to the nursery early and check it out to ease your mind.  It is only going to be an hour (at most) ceremony.  Would you REALLY miss the entire thing just to make a point instead of finding a sitter?

DieselsMom
by on May. 17, 2013 at 1:22 AM
1 mom liked this
The daycare is on site...go meet the workers, and let your one year old have fun playing other kids, and let the other families see their little one graduate without your child disrupting things!
Bmat
by Barb on May. 17, 2013 at 11:43 AM

It would make sense for me for people to use the nursery provided, or to get a sitter for the baby so the older child can feel very special and important. In your case with the separation anxiety, then if I were in charge, I'd make it very clear at the beginning of the event that if a younger child made any noise then they would need to be taken out of the room immediately so that the other children and family members would not miss anything.

SpiritedMom2
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Can you not find a trusted formerly used baby sitter to look after your kid while youre at the ceremony - I think the church has a right to state their rules and you cant simply disregard the rules. You have the option of not attending (which I think would be such a pity - these are cermonies to remember and your older one has a right to have these memories); and the other better option is to find a baby sitter who you trust to take care of your kid. Ask one of your family members if they can drop out of the ceremony and take care of the child - Im sure its more important that the immediate family is present rather than that the other relatives are - especially if the alternative is that none of you attend! Im sure one of them would understand the situation and offer to opt out so that all of you get a chance to attend - I would if I were in their position!

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