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What to do?-- sister -in -law is not nice

Posted by on May. 18, 2013 at 3:57 PM
  • 3 Replies

My only brother married girl 20 yrs ago. she was nice to me when she couldnt have kids and wanted to see us . When she had her kids, she never came around again.

When they bought a new home. we wanted to see the model with her. she didnt want to join us.

I have stayed away from her. I tried to do thing so our kids would know eachother. That has not happened. My kids know how she is , they dont think she is a nice person or mom.

My brother just told  my mom that he has tried to keep them separate. He says  "she has a  Poor Filter".

She is not nice to my mom. She says invalidative things, she cuts communication. My mom doesnt know what she did. She says she is christian but doesn t act like it. She is a poor example. My brother was a good catch , a nice person , a good loving father to his kids.  He is being walked on. They have financial problems which my brother  trys to say is his fault.  They got a boat  and have never invited my parents over. We we not raised like this.

Its very sad to see MOM lose her son, She cried yesterday, she only talks on phone to him, they dont come to see and visit my parents, My dad can see the kind of person she is -Its sad.  I do feel like an only child. Im glad my parents know my kids.

 I would never want this to happen with my son.


by on May. 18, 2013 at 3:57 PM
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by Member on May. 18, 2013 at 5:48 PM

Hi Nena,

I know this is tough to go through. I have a SIL just like her, she wasn't always this way and I dont really know what happened, but for most of my life she has been this way.  I love her dearly and am close to all my nieces and nephews -- except their children.  But in all honesty your brother and mine are grown men.  As I have told my brother, in a kind and loving conversation, his wife is no excuse to not attend family functions and be part of the family or to at least visit some of us once in a while.  The children belong to him as much as her and he can put them in the car and bring them whenever he can arrange it with their schedules and he CAN.  If he doesn't then its a choice, not something he is forced into.  When we talked he agreed that what I was saying to him was fact and I am sure the same is true for your brother so maybe you should stop putting all the blame on your SIL and put it where it belongs, on your brother.  This does not change your situation, but hopefully it will help you see it in a different perspective.

by on May. 18, 2013 at 5:56 PM

WOW!!! My DH's brother married a very mean, rude, nasty gal as well!! I refuse to refer to her as my 'sister-in-law!!' That is how BAD she is!!! Before she married DH's brother, she had my MIL babysitting HER kid from a previous marriage, and rarely EVER gave my MIL money for doing so!! My MIL is NOT well-off at all, and could have really used the money!! There is NO WAY she would have ever found anyone else to babysit him for free!! She was horrible to her son when he was younger too!! She would yell at him on a daily basis, told him he was stupid just like his dad, etc., etc!!! She said that when our MIL dies, she will NOT come to the funeral! In fact, she said she would be calling up all of her friends and inviting them to her house for a party to 'celebrate' my MIL's death!!!!! YES!!! VERY, VERY SICK!!!!! My MIL has been nothing but nice to this WITCH!!!! NONE of use can understand how DH's brother has been able to stay married to her!! They have twins together. She made sure when DH's brother went into the military that they got stationed where DH's mom would not be able to afford to go!! They lived in Germany for 8 years!! My MIL could NEVER afford airfare to Germany. They are now back in the states and live in Florida. MIL lives in Washington State. DH' wife pretty much orders DH's brother around and he does whatever she tells him to do!! I know!! I know!! He needs to 'grow some,' but thus far, has not done so!!  :(  It is really sad! I try not to dwell on DH's brothers wife too much--I believe in karma and some day soon, she WILL get hers for being so mean and nasty!!

by Gold Member on May. 18, 2013 at 8:00 PM

You don't do anything. Your brother made his choice.

Your children see how she is, and they know they don't like that, so they won't be the same way.

Honestly, my mom's sister used to be a lot like you described. She could never say anything nice, when she actually bothered to communicate with anyone. It turns out she was clinically depressed, and once she started treatment she became a much, much nicer person. No one knew this was happening in all those years of nastiness. This is not necessarily the case with your sister-in-law, but it does serve to illustrate that you don't know what all is happening at your brother's house. There may be some major issues that your brother wants to shield from his family, and it isn't to be mean. It's to protect everyone.

I'm sorry that you don't have the relationship you want with your brother and his kids. That especially sucks for all the kids, who would probably love to know their cousins better.

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