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Please help me! Urgent! Can't walk away from my mental / emotional / sexual abuser...

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Please help me. I have been in a relationship for four years. He and I share two children and I am currently pregnant with our third. He is 52 and I am 28. I am madly, blindly in love with him and he seems to love me too. The problem is, he doesn't trust me. He interrogates me relentlessly, makes me feel guilty for no reason at all, he talks down to me and makes me feel worthless. He perpetuates my own insecurities. he actually exploits them. It hurts me to be intimate with him and so I do not enjoy it. If I refuse to be intimate with him, he breaks up with me and tells me that he will find someone who will satisfy his needs as a man. He shows up at different locations to verify that I am where I say that I am - work, doctors appointments, the gas station etc. He makes me show him receipts and paperwork that is time stamped to cooberate my stories. I am not allowed to have male friends, and if he thinks that I am looking at another man, such as a waiter in a restaurant, he "punishes" me by having forceful sex, giving me the silent treatment or breaking my heart completely by breaking up with me. I always end up apologizing profusely because I love and miss him so much that we have fallen into this dangerous cycle of break-ups and make-ups. We do not live together, but he had told me jokingly on many occasions that if I ever hurt him or leave him, he will "blow my head off". He owns a gun so although he says it jokingly, I am fearful. He is a doctoral candidate, so I feel like he would be smart enough not to throw it all away on hurting me. I feel like I should hurt myself. I'm lost because I love him, completely, despite his treatment towards me. What can I do to walk away...and stay away for good?

by on May. 18, 2013 at 10:12 PM
Replies (31-33):
by Member on May. 21, 2013 at 12:17 AM

Take the kids and RUN!  Go to the nearest police station and they should direct you to the nearest emergency womens abuse shelter and they will help you get back on your feet and get you a job (if you dont have one), transportation, money, food, shelter, education, legal help.  PLEASE!  YOU need counseling and the womens shelter will help you with that.  NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!  PLEASE STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN!!  Your children are suffering just as much - run for them please!

by on May. 21, 2013 at 1:41 AM
Leave immediately. You can do this!! Hugs!
by on May. 21, 2013 at 4:36 AM

This isn't healthy for you or your kids..Seriously, you have kids..No matter how much I love a guy..I do what's best for my kids..Idk if you have proof..maybe text messages or crazy voicemail of him saying shit but I will save em..I will quietly move..Go to the police..File a restraining order..That isn't love. You are trapped. You really want your kids to think that's ok to be treated that way? You need to love yourself more. You need to respect yourself. Good luck

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