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Hey Moms of premature babies! please help?

Posted by on May. 19, 2013 at 4:42 AM
  • 26 Replies

 I really need some advice and support right now.  I was due july 2nd but i went to the hospital a few weeks ago because I was feeling terrible one morning and after running some tests the doctors discovered that I had something called PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) aka preeclampsia aka toxemia. they kept me in the hospital to monitor me because my blood pressure was so high and my kidneys weren't functioning properly and when my disease became severe the doctors delivered my baby girl ,Zoe, by c-section on MOTHER'S DAY =) which was a beautiful mother's day gift. she was 32 weeks and a few days so she has to stay in the NICU for a while. I visit her there at least 3 times a day, and it's a 24 hr nicu but it's still not the same. 1.) I have breakdowns whenever I look at her empty crib, whenever I see she's in pain from her IV or something, when people ask about her, when I leave the hospital, ( basically all of the time) there's one nurse who has a problem with me holding her and will tell me I can't sometimes! 2.) I feel extremely guilty all of the time because it's all my fault, my health that was bad, and my body that failed it's one job. 

so what I'm asking is, did any of you ever feel this way and feel depressed every minute that you were away from your baby? how did you get pass it or did it miraculously disappear once your baby was able to come home?

by on May. 19, 2013 at 4:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tamullen607
by on May. 19, 2013 at 8:08 AM
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How much did your daughter weigh when she was born?

I have had 4 babies, 2 full term (DD - 37 wks & 2 days and DS -  39 wks) and 2 premature (DD - 35 wks 3 days and DS - 34 wks 5 days).

My premature DD weighed 5 lb 5 oz, but she only had to stay in the NICU 2 extra nights, and I was able to stay as a hospitality guest the two nights after I was discharged. My premature DS weighed 5 lb even. He had to stay in the NICU for 16 days. It was very hard to leave him. I live about 1/2 an hour away from the hospital, so I was only able to go once a day to see him, that and I had a two year old at home to take care of as well. There was a few time I was able to go twice. I was very hard, and he struggled a lot in the beginning. I didn't get to hold him for about a week or so. In fact, the day after he was born, I was told that we couldn't even touch him because he would get all worked up. His heart would skip a beat and then he would have a double beat. He was also having some breathing issues, and was put on the vent the day after I was told not to even touch him. The hardest thing was being able to see, but not be able to touch him. I want to cry just thinking about how colse I came to loosing him.

I did feel depressed to be away from him, but I had a lot of support from my family. It did not disappear the moment I had him home, though. For the first few months, I watched him very closely. Now, at 3 1/2, you can't even tell he was early or had problems.

I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers, and please keep me updated.

momofsunshine77
by on May. 19, 2013 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this

My first dd was delivered C-section at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia as well.  I lived 2 hours away from where she was delivered because we live in the middle of nowhere and the closest NICU was 2 hours away.  I had a harder time before she was delivered because I sepnt most of the time by myself because i was in a hospital room 2 hours away from anyone I knew.  Once she was born I stayed in a ronald mcdonald house and visited her at every treatment time during the day.  I would not go home until she was able to.  She came home 3 weeks later.  I was more happy after the birth than before the birth.  I did not feel that it was my fault - you shouldn't either.  You can get through it and it seems like it is an eternity before they let them out.  My dd is 4 years old now and perfectly healthy.  My hardest part was being alone in the hospital when I was on hospitalized bed rest.  NO visitors.  :(  (((HUGS)))))

The_Doodle
by Bronze Member on May. 19, 2013 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this
I had my daughter early due to preclampsia and IUGR. It's hard to have to see your baby in there and those 2 weeks were the worst time of my life. The only thing that helped me was seeing her so that's what I did. I could only hold her once a day so, even if I couldn't hold her, I was there. I would stroke her hair, hold her hand while I read, whatever I did I kept in physical contact with her. Anytime I held her, I wore a big, stretchy PJ shirt so that I could do Kangaroo care (which I urge you to do as well, it helped me bond with my daughter, it helps her, and it also boosted my milk supply). One thing you need to keep in mind is that what happened is NOT your fault. Anyone can get preclampsia. Anyone. Sometimes a baby is better outside of the womb, even if they are not to term. Something that helped me deal with what happened with me was to think about how lucky DD and I were to have doctors who caught my issues early and were proactive in their decisions to keep both of us safe.
Bmat
by Barb on May. 19, 2013 at 9:39 AM
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Yes indeed.  And the lady in the hospital bed next to me had a healthy baby that she got to see every few hours. I could only see mine when I made the walk down to the nicu.  I was allowed to reach into the incubator and touch him, but couldn't hold him until he was a week old. Part of it is that we look forward so to our babies and then don't have them to hold when they are no longer inside us, part of it is hormonal, part is, as you say, seeing the empty crib. I realized it must be so much worse, so much, for those who lose their babies, and with preemies these days there is so much that can be done for them.  Hang strong! Your feelings are normal. Cry all you like, smile when you get to visit your little one,  And before you know it, you have her home. ((hugs))

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on May. 19, 2013 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this
My 2nd was full term but had eating troubles. She stayed 2 extra nights. I was not sad. I knew it was her best interest to stay and be tube fed till I could bring her home healthy. Even if it had been longer as long as I knew she was where she needed to be, I was ok.
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SWasson
by on May. 19, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I remember feeling like a failure when my DD was in the NICU. Within a few days of her coming home, I felt so much better.

ChancesMommy07
by on May. 19, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this
My son was born @ 31 weeks and spent over a month in the NICU. He suffered a stroke at birth and had RSD. I didn't get to see him until the day after he was born ( I had complications of my own) and I didn't get to hold him for the first time until he was 8 days old. I hated not getting to take him home with me but I knew he was where he needed to be. I left a camera with his nurses and they took pictures when I wasn't there. I kept a journal from the time I went in the hospital (I was admitted at 21 weeks and stayed until he was born at 31) until the day we brought him home. I was at the hospital most of the time after I was released but at my drs insistence I took days to just sleep and get better myself. I knew I needed to be in top form when we brought him home. Beating yourself up won't serve any purpose, you couldn't do anything to prevent it and looking back just takes away from the now. Instead focus on how your baby Is doing now and what you are going to need to do when you get her home.
serenesmom1
by Member on May. 19, 2013 at 4:42 PM
1 mom liked this
My baby was born 9 months exactly . She was healthy I didn't let these doctors put anything inside me or mess with my baby!
belindah
by on May. 19, 2013 at 4:51 PM
2 moms liked this

My youngest was 27 weeks old and weighed 1 lb 7 ounces, being away from her was awful.  Try spending as much time as you can with her.  Take alot of pics.  I started going to a local support group of other moms going through the same issue to help with the depression and anxiety.

SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on May. 20, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this

My dd was early-33 weeks. She weighed just 3lbs and she was addicted to crack cocaine. Even though it wasn't my fault I felt horrible ever time we left the hospital. I still get tears in my eyes when I remember us holding her trembling body as she went through withdrawal. It was awful! Now she is a normal, sassy, smart mouthy 15 year old. LOL

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