I really need some advice and support right now. I was due july 2nd but i went to the hospital a few weeks ago because I was feeling terrible one morning and after running some tests the doctors discovered that I had something called PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) aka preeclampsia aka toxemia. they kept me in the hospital to monitor me because my blood pressure was so high and my kidneys weren't functioning properly and when my disease became severe the doctors delivered my baby girl ,Zoe, by c-section on MOTHER'S DAY =) which was a beautiful mother's day gift. she was 32 weeks and a few days so she has to stay in the NICU for a while. I visit her there at least 3 times a day, and it's a 24 hr nicu but it's still not the same. 1.) I have breakdowns whenever I look at her empty crib, whenever I see she's in pain from her IV or something, when people ask about her, when I leave the hospital, ( basically all of the time) there's one nurse who has a problem with me holding her and will tell me I can't sometimes! 2.) I feel extremely guilty all of the time because it's all my fault, my health that was bad, and my body that failed it's one job.
so what I'm asking is, did any of you ever feel this way and feel depressed every minute that you were away from your baby? how did you get pass it or did it miraculously disappear once your baby was able to come home?