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In-Laws from Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by on May. 22, 2013 at 4:42 PM
  • 12 Replies

I have the in-laws from hell especially my mother-in-law. She got mad at me over money so she is taking it out on my child. She shows favoritism between the grand-kids. When my child tries to speak to her she ignores him and walks over to the other kids hugs and kisses them in front of him. She has had nothing to do with him for at least 7 years. He has point of sadness and tell us he knows his grandmother does not love him. It breaks my heart that he is hurt and nothing I can do to help. We have tried talking to her and she feels she does nothing wrong when she treats him this way. At this point we just don't go around her hoping this will ease some of the pain if he is not confronted with it on a regular. This also is causing major issues in my marriage because my husband just say nothing except he knows his mother treats him different then the other kids. My mother is deceased and she is his only grandparents and he has never had the love most kids get from a grandparent.frustrated

by on May. 22, 2013 at 4:42 PM
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by Gold Member on May. 22, 2013 at 11:48 PM

So heart breaking. I don't have my parents and my in laws watch my kids and everything. She did have some adopted mostly grown grand kids she hardley saw and they were treated a little diffrent at the begining of the marrige. I think she was upset with the marrige. But 7 years is a long time. I would have him express his personality with her through leters or something. Let her see the great kid he is. Doesn't mean it will work, maybe she will have her heart warmed by the jesture.

I have been to my friends grandparents as a child and been treated like an outcast. I remember to this day because it does not feel good in anyway. They had the sweetest, kindest mom and this was their father's mom. She wouldn't even talk to me and gave all the other kids something (Popsicles or something)and not me and my sister. There had to be 10 or more children there. I remember telling my mom how aweful I felt after going there to swim.

 I would save him the pain and only visit when no other grand kids are visiting and that would only be for your DH really.  Maybe he only goes there with DH. Who is she really mad at anyways???

by on May. 23, 2013 at 1:21 PM

I think it's really important to understand the limits of your power in this situation.

You really can't control the bitch, and it's a waste of time trying. In fact, since I can almost guarantee she's doing it FOR the attention she gets, ignoring it will be much more effective than anything you can say to her.

On the other hand, what you CAN do is help your child handle what's happening, and describe it in neutral, observational language. 'Oh, honey, you look so disappointed that grandma walked away from you while you were talking to her. I don't know why she does that, dear,' and 'yes, she certainly does appear to show more affection for your cousins, it's cruel that she does it so blatantly in front of you, isn't it?' 'I suspect you're right, that your grandma does not love you. That's hard to believe, but her behaviour certainly makes it look that way to me.'

Helping him understand his feelings --and making it clear that they are real and reasonable, that he's not imagining things-- is important. 

You can also avoid her company. While it's a common fallacy that 'most kids get love from their grandparents' the fact is that selfish, evil-minded, nasty and thoughtless people do not magically become generous, loving, kind and supportive people because their children procreated. Most people have real people as grandparents, no matter what Hallmark might like everyone to think.

Up until the mid-1900s, it was extremely uncommon for humans to have one living grandparent by the time they were 10.

So: you don't need her around, your husband certainly doesn't need her around and your son absolutely has no need for any contact with her, ever. Find nice old people to socialize with, if you think he'd benefit from intergenerational society...

by on May. 23, 2013 at 2:04 PM

I had a grandma who did the exact same things - initially it was hurtful - but when I saw what a nasty person she was in many ways - it stopped bothering me. Trsut me - it has had NO lasting effect on me or my emotional development. I guess its the way my mom dealt with it - my mom hated her guts and she was NOT politically correct in front of her kids LOL - so she would talk to us about her and tell us what a nasty piece of work my grandma was - I dont know wehter that was the right thing for her to do but the effect was that we stopped minding about the fact that our grandma loved our cousins and didnt love us. We didnt want to have anything to do with her anyway and we only tolerated her for the sake of our dad (my dad was like your dh - he would say nothing even when grandma did stuff which showed clearly she didnt care for us - for example she would make fun of me and my sis all the time). My mom protected us like a fierce tigress which helped!

by on May. 23, 2013 at 2:40 PM

 I'm sorry : (

by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2013 at 3:28 PM

 I'm sorry she treats him like that :(   I would tell your husband if he can't control his mother you won't be visiting her.  Let your son choose whether he wants to go to family gatherings.  Help him cope with the disappointment if he chooses to go and support him if he chooses to stay home.  Good luck!

by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 4:13 PM

Your poor son.. and your MIL is a bitch. Who does that??? To a child??? Digusting.
Honestly, he is better off without someone so toxic and mean in his life. She has done him a favor.
I feel your pain in the G'parent department. We dont have a grandma... 2 grandpas.. one is clueless... (oh, was I supposed to get him a birthday gift?) and another who is too far away- heart in the right place, but out of sight out of mind with that one...
Anyway... enough said. Id tell your son that you dont understand it either. You dont like it either... but express that you love him... your hubby loves him... he has aunts and uncles? (I assume who love him) and it has NOTHING to do with HIM and everything to do with her.
just awful. HUGS!  

by on May. 23, 2013 at 7:19 PM

I would just not go over there anymore. I'd rather my kids not have any relationship with a grandparent than have a heartbreaking one.

by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Poor kid, that's a shame, BUT he has you in his life so you just tell him when he notices that Grandma treats him badly that she is rude and some people just are rude and that's life. Life isn't fair but we can still be happy! And limit the exposure to her.

by on May. 23, 2013 at 8:19 PM

My MIL is an asshole too, so we stopped letting the kids be around her. They honestly don't remember her anymore. I told DH he could see his family whenever he wanted but the kids and I would no longer be joining him. He hasn't seen his family in almost a year, and the kids and I haven't seen them in 3 1/2 years.

by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Sad to say but with a gram like that I would choose NOT to have one. There is NO way in hell I would subject my child to that kind of mental abuse. By the way your hubby needs a good swift kick! It breaks my heart to hear this so imagine how a child must feel.hugs

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