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Help with 11yo

Posted by on May. 23, 2013 at 1:44 PM
  • 5 Replies
My 11yo daughter has recently been purposely saying things to embarass her parents, lieing about things she did or didn't do (reading my messages on my phone, not brushing teeth, or making bed) to the point of looking in my eyes and lieing, constantly climbing into my bed when she knows she need to be in her own, manipulating things she has been told to the other parent, and taking things (like the car key) and misplacing them when she shouldn't be touching said item anyway. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. I was so mad at her, I was seeing stars, and am still physically coming off of it today. I'm fed up. Her dad is fed up. So, our solution is no holds barred grounding. In the past we have grounded her from tv, from electronics--usually for a day or two. This time our plan is to ground her from all of the above, but also ground her to her room which she seems hell bent to stay away from. We told her that it is up to her whether she will be grounded the entire memorial day weekend or not. IF she plays her cards right, and learns from this, she will be off grounding sunday afternoon. If not she will be grounded as long as neccessary including monday, and beyond. I just don't know what more to do.
by on May. 23, 2013 at 1:44 PM
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Replies (1-5):
mom_dl6
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:24 PM

Ahhhhhhh yes the tween years have begun. Just stick to your guns Momma mine turned 11 today and has already hit pre Puberty so that might be what's up. Stay strong and as a unit if she manipulates things or situations then don't let her do that to You or Dad otherwise that's a new set of problems to deal with......good luck

SamMom912
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:47 PM

I recommend reading the expolsive child... itd a quick easy read with a wealth of knowledge about dealing with difficult children.
Sounds to me like your daughter is having a hard time. People in general dont lie, cheat, steal, hit, yell, carry on when things are good. They typically do it when things are bad, rough, "too much".
I dont know that grounding your DD is going to help her with the problems that are bothering her. I dont know that grounding her will make her feel like you understand and make her feel like she isnt alone. Im not condoning her behaviors, Im just worried that your grounding her and pushing her away 9in her mind) is going to bring you closer or earn you her faith to open up to you.
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/solving-problems-collaboratively

Id maybe tell her that you'd like to really talk with her. Take a drive together, take a walk together. Tell her your concerns about her recent behaviors.. ask her if there is something going on. Talk respectfully, and compassionately... work with your teen not against her.    

LuLuRex
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 3:49 PM

I totally agree with this!


Quoting mom_dl6:

Ahhhhhhh yes the tween years have begun. Just stick to your guns Momma mine turned 11 today and has already hit pre Puberty so that might be what's up. Stay strong and as a unit if she manipulates things or situations then don't let her do that to You or Dad otherwise that's a new set of problems to deal with......good luck



frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2013 at 3:57 PM

Has her behavior always been like this or something recent?  At this point she may not understand that she could earn things back when she makes the right choices and only sees that with everything taken away she has nothing to lose by making poor choices.   I am rusty on 11 yr old mentality though so forgive me everyone if i am wrong.   Without knowing whole life story and being there to see how family interacts, i have no clue on how to fix it other than keep talking to her and explaining how to better express feelings rather than lying or trying to control the whole household.

andreamarie
by on May. 23, 2013 at 4:24 PM

you have good company.



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