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It's my fault he missed it...

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:22 AM
  • 15 Replies

DH has this issue when he gets woke up.  He works 1st shift so he goes to bed early.  We found out Tuesday that our youngest DD was graduation Preschool last night.  Wed night the kids woke him up and he threw a tantrum.  By a tantrum I mean the lids that were on the food from that nights dinner were thrown around, the face to the fan was busted off, my frying pan with the grease was on my floor, grease was all over my kitchen, my bedroom was torn apart and everyone got the silent treatment along with the kids getting yelled at.  I spent my day scrubbing my kitchen floor yesterday trying to get the grease off the floor so no one would slip and fall.  DH came home still giving me the silent treatment.  He ate then went straight to bed knowing DD was graduating last night.  My previous marriage was very violent and DH knows when he gets out of control like that I shut down and go into terrified mode.  I know DH would never touch me like my ex did but I still go to that mode and think he will.  MIL came over last night for DD's graduation and even she was afraid to wake DH for it.  So I woke up to him stomping at 1 am and shit being slammed.  When he left for work at 330 I looked at my phone and saw he posted on fb that it's my fault he missed DD's graduation.  I'm shaking and confused.  How is it my fault that he gets pissy when he gets woke up for any reason?  How is it my fault he missed DD's preschool graduation?  When will he stop and remember that I try to avoid any possible reason that will set him off to keep myself from going into terrified mode?  I'm scared to confront him, the past made me that way.  I'm certain the friends that he is telling that it's my fault he missed DD's graduation don't know what happened the night before and I'm certain he left out that I shut down and get afraid to do anything afterwards when he gets like that.  I don't know what to do.  Can someone please please please help me!?

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JMmama
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:27 AM
You are being abused. He may not have been violent in the past but it is only a matter of time before he does. There is no excuse for his behavior. Please, please seek professional help from someone in your area.
jellybeans5
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:27 AM

I really don't know what to say except to give you ((((hugs))))

Here's a bump.

luvemboth
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:31 AM
I suggest anger management for him and counseling for you to overcome past relationships; then counseling for you both together. You have to be able to confront your dh. Marriage just doesn't work when 1 person is afraid of and can't talk to the other. Hope things turn around soon for you hun.
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rugratsmommy4
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:33 AM

DH would never hit me.  He's not that kind of guy.  He has a short temper yes but it's not that often he flies off the handle like this.  I'm a DV survivor and wouldn't be with my DH if I thought it was turning into what my previous marriage was.  I just don't know how to calm myself down enough to confront him about last night.  Flash backs terrify me and leave me shaking.  I'm in counciling because of my ex.  I suffer from PTSD from him.

Quoting JMmama:

You are being abused. He may not have been violent in the past but it is only a matter of time before he does. There is no excuse for his behavior. Please, please seek professional help from someone in your area.


catrig
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:33 AM
He has issues.
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rugratsmommy4
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:36 AM

We normally do talk about things.  Just I can't talk to him when he's upset like this.  He knows it's hard for me.  I started counciling in August and I've come along way.  It took 6 years and counciling to realize I'm a survivor now and not a victim.  Just getting over my triggers is hard. Thanks.

Quoting luvemboth:

I suggest anger management for him and counseling for you to overcome past relationships; then counseling for you both together. You have to be able to confront your dh. Marriage just doesn't work when 1 person is afraid of and can't talk to the other. Hope things turn around soon for you hun.


offrdngal
by Terri on May. 24, 2013 at 10:38 AM

 Someone needs anger management...and it isn't you.  This is abuse and you shouldn't tolerate it or subject your children to it.  He needs to get help for his behavior.

LaideBug
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:40 AM
Abuse isn't just physical it can be emotional or mental as well, as I am sure you know. If his fits are throwing you into that state of mind it's abusing. Can you both go to counseling together? He really needs to hear how his actions are affecting you, and maybe a third party can help him from getting too worked up.
luvemboth
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Good for you! I still think he needs anger management or some type of help. If his wife and own mother are afraid to wake him up, for fear of what he'll do, that's a real problem. GL!


Quoting rugratsmommy4:

We normally do talk about things.  Just I can't talk to him when he's upset like this.  He knows it's hard for me.  I started counciling in August and I've come along way.  It took 6 years and counciling to realize I'm a survivor now and not a victim.  Just getting over my triggers is hard. Thanks.

Quoting luvemboth:

I suggest anger management for him and counseling for you to overcome past relationships; then counseling for you both together. You have to be able to confront your dh. Marriage just doesn't work when 1 person is afraid of and can't talk to the other. Hope things turn around soon for you hun.



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OliviaW.
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:44 AM
No it is not your fault that he is acting like a toddler. He needs help because throwing a royal fit cause he gets woken up isn't healthy for anyone in the household. My dh isn't a morning person and doesn't act like that when the kids or myself wake him up.
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