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I feel like an awful mother

Posted by on May. 26, 2013 at 9:08 PM
  • 12 Replies

so..Ive had a lot going on lately, stressed is a good way to sum it. Well my child is teething and apparently going through the "seperation anxiety" phase so I can't eevn put him down to go pee without him crying! Ive gotten so stressed by this (mostly bc the dad is not around) that Ive actually yelled at him for it. I put him down and walk away but when I pick him up tp calm him down, it doesnt seem to work.... what do I do? I feel like a horrible mother for yelling at him and getting so mad because he is otherwise the best baby ever. Advice?

by on May. 26, 2013 at 9:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on May. 26, 2013 at 9:17 PM
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If you could hire a mother's helper for an hour a day it would give you a break. I couldn't afford one, but I did get together with other moms at each other's houses and we had coffee and snacks and had a chance to chat with other adults while the children would either be held or play together.

Every time to feel like yelling at your baby, make yourself stop right away,  stop, breathe, smile. If you do this enough you'll train yourself to not yell.

notyethome1985
by Member on May. 26, 2013 at 9:19 PM

That is hard hunny. I wish I had advice but my little girl never went through it. I hope things get better for you soon

I'm a fun loving, miscarriage surviving, abuse survivng, suicide surviving, rape surviving, sexual assault survivng, no crap taking,  Bible believing, Jesus praising, mother of seven angel babies in heaven and one angel on earth

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 9:28 PM

Walk away when you feel that anger / frustration built up.  The baby will not be hurt in 3-5 minutes of crying.  They will most likely go through this phase a few times.  I agree about trying to have other people around whether they be a hired helper or a group of moms.  We all need a sort of support system so that we can recharge and have guidance where needed.

Luv.My.Soldier
by on May. 26, 2013 at 9:30 PM
I can sympathize. I have a 3 yr old and a 6.5 mth old, who is also going through the clingy/separation anxiety phase, and my husband has been in south Korea for almost a year. He comes back in 5 weeks though, thank god! My 6.5 mth old screams as soon as I get out of his sight and won't let anyone else hold him. My mom helps out some, but not very much. It's hard and I, too, get overwhelmed at times and just want to run away lol. I just have to remind myself over and over again that it won't be like this forever. Soon enough, he won't want to snuggle all day, and will be off hanging out with friends. My house may be cluttered now, but it can wait. Babies grow up so fast and when it's all said and done i want my kids to remember me as being a fun, involved parent, not one who was obsessed with having a clean house 24/7. That being said, you DO need time for yourself every one in a while. Try to find someone who can babysit, and take an hour or 2 to just do something you want to do. I promise, it makes a WORLD of difference!
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SamMom912
by Silver Member on May. 26, 2013 at 9:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you need a time out... Its ok... We all get stressed... Pick him up, say your sorry, tell him your stressed, that you dont mean to yells... And try to move on... I would def. try to cut yourself some slack.. Be a good friend to you... What would you tell your BFF if she confided in you, what you just told us. 

Is there someone you can call to get a break for a bit? A GF to watch your son. Or yes, a moms helper? It does get easier.. I know right now its hard to see the end of the tunnel. Teething, not sleeping, spearation anxiety, ugh, its all so " taking" from you.. And you sound like your stretched thin. i can promise you this doesnt last long... It WILL get better. I know you love your son... But really, your at a point where you need some down time. FIND it, even if you have to pay someone so you can take a walk... Hang in there. 

Dr.Suess
by on May. 27, 2013 at 7:03 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks ladies :) I do have a couple people willing to watch him for a little while. I felt I didnt need a break from him but a break from us being alone together all the time. Maybe I do need a break. Thank you for reading :)

april_mommy
by on May. 27, 2013 at 7:46 AM
1 mom liked this
Hope this phase passes quickly for yall. And its just that... a phase i promise ! My son is going through this now. Play calming music i play it in the background and ease away works so i can put him down for a min to read a book cook or go to bathroom lol. When your frustrated try taking walks he loves being outside and the fresh air relieves us both ! I know its hard dh is here but LO wants nothing to do with him just momma lol but if you can get a trusted friend to help a few hours alone will do wonders :)
AM-BRAT
by Amber on May. 27, 2013 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Tough! Stress is never good or fun. Guilt with it is worse.

Try wearing baby. And pampering yourself at bedtime like a hot foot soak. Gl mama. ((hugs))
idunno1234
by Member on May. 27, 2013 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Remember, babies pick up on their mama's stress like little sponges so you have to tell yourself that your first priority is getting yourself in a better place to be able to deal with his stress.  If his personality is normally a lot more easy going, then you know that this is a temporary blip and like all mothers before you and those in the future, you shall survive it and so will he.

Timeouts for yourself are essential sometimes but what I found worked really well for me when my babies were going through whiny, clingy phases is to invest in headphones and some type of ipod device, blast it as loud as it takes so you don't have to hear the crying or whining, think happy thoughts, then deal with the little dude from a happy place, not a stressed place. 

Live in the moment and remember that each moment is fleeting, especially children moments because they grow up so fast and you can't get that back.  Don't worry and stress about stuff if your worry isn't contributing anything positive.

Relish your baby, even if you have to do it with something blasting in your ears and realize that this too shall pass.  Give yourself a break mama, you certainly deserve it.

celticgodess
by on May. 27, 2013 at 11:37 PM

You are not a bad mother!  I think it's harder with an angel baby.  I have one too and she will be 9 months tomorrow so changing her can be a challenge (to put it midly) and I have caught myself wanting to yell at her twice recently.  Fortunately I had dad to pass her off too, so I can't say a lot, but know that this phase will pass and you are not  abad mom!

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