Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

so overwhelmed and dont know what to do

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:07 PM
  • 16 Replies
My DD is 14 days old today. My dh works from four to eleven 6 nights a week. I know he's tired when he comes home so I get up all night with the baby. I take care of her all day too. He will hold her and feed her a couple times but I do mist if it. I'm young and she's my first baby. He's 22 years older and has a son. He says things everyday that make me feel inadequate as a mother. I'm so very tired and have no patience left for anything. If anyone has ever felt frustrated or anything please help how did u get through it with out being frustrated with ye baby?
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:07 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Saharra
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:24 PM
Just know that it's a whisper in time and she will soon outgrow the waking up at night. It's hard, but you can do it, Momma! Try to sleep when she does through the day too. I don't know if you can, but give it a shot. Praying for you!!
Jessicataylor02
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank u. U made me feel a little better:)


Quoting Saharra:

Just know that it's a whisper in time and she will soon outgrow the waking up at night. It's hard, but you can do it, Momma! Try to sleep when she does through the day too. I don't know if you can, but give it a shot. Praying for you!!

iamcafemom83
by Mariah on May. 29, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this
He works 4p-11p? I don't see why he can't get up in the morning with her if you are doing all the night waking.
Kick him in the leg and say your turn! Lol just kidding. During the day sometime say hey, I am starting to feel the burn of having a newborn, lets work out a schedule so we are BOTH getting adequate rest. Don't place the blame (if you can!) on anyone, just come at it from a good angle.

For instance, my husband and I would take switch weekends sleeping in. Can something similar be worked out between you guys?

What had he said that makes you feel inadequate? I know I took things way personally after my first. Not saying that he probably isn't being a jerk but sometimes when we are tired & horomonal things can be heard wrong. I'm just putting it out there that maybe when you are well rested this might get better, too:)
Jessicataylor02
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:38 PM
He always says how she looks so comfy in his arms and how he can get her to stop crying right away when I can't and that I don't have the bond that mist moms do with their kids. I get so upset when he says these things and when I try talking to him he gets defensive I tell him how he makes me feel inadequate and he keeps doing the same stuff.


Quoting iamcafemom83:

He works 4p-11p? I don't see why he can't get up in the morning with her if you are doing all the night waking.

Kick him in the leg and say your turn! Lol just kidding. During the day sometime say hey, I am starting to feel the burn of having a newborn, lets work out a schedule so we are BOTH getting adequate rest. Don't place the blame (if you can!) on anyone, just come at it from a good angle.



For instance, my husband and I would take switch weekends sleeping in. Can something similar be worked out between you guys?



What had he said that makes you feel inadequate? I know I took things way personally after my first. Not saying that he probably isn't being a jerk but sometimes when we are tired & horomonal things can be heard wrong. I'm just putting it out there that maybe when you are well rested this might get better, too:)

Bleacheddecay
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this

There is NO way I'd put up with him saying I don't have the bond most moms do. He is probably just trying to make himself feel more worthwhile and/or involved but running you down is NOT okay.


Quoting Jessicataylor02:

He always says how she looks so comfy in his arms and how he can get her to stop crying right away when I can't and that I don't have the bond that mist moms do with their kids. I get so upset when he says these things and when I try talking to him he gets defensive I tell him how he makes me feel inadequate and he keeps doing the same stuff.


Quoting iamcafemom83:

He works 4p-11p? I don't see why he can't get up in the morning with her if you are doing all the night waking.

Kick him in the leg and say your turn! Lol just kidding. During the day sometime say hey, I am starting to feel the burn of having a newborn, lets work out a schedule so we are BOTH getting adequate rest. Don't place the blame (if you can!) on anyone, just come at it from a good angle.



For instance, my husband and I would take switch weekends sleeping in. Can something similar be worked out between you guys?



What had he said that makes you feel inadequate? I know I took things way personally after my first. Not saying that he probably isn't being a jerk but sometimes when we are tired & horomonal things can be heard wrong. I'm just putting it out there that maybe when you are well rested this might get better, too:)



SamMom912
by Silver Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this

It is hard. I too had a hubby that worked a lot.. He would leave for work at 5am and get home at 7pm. I would do the 6am feeding, the 9am feeding, the 12pm, the 2 pm, 4pm, 6 pm, make dinner, we'd eat.. Then Id go to bed at 8:30 and he would do 9pm feeding and 11:30.... I would get the 3am, 6 and do it all again... It was horrible... But that was a tough blip in time... And then it was over... And he slept from 10pm until about 6... Then from 8pm until about 7am.. And now, 6 years later, 8:45 til 7:00am... 

You are really hormonal. Your hubby wants you to know he is good with baby and your baby is good with him, so you can relax. As far as not bonding, honestly, it took me a good 6 weeks to even grasp I was a mom. It was surreal. I was on auto drive (like you).  But after those weeks... After The adrenaline and reality set in... There was and is such a bond between me and my little guy... It will come. Be patient. It was you, alone for 22 years... This is an adjustment. Youll get there momma bear... 

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:05 PM
22 years older. Um, ok. He works 3rd shift. He is not gonna get up with the baby. He should do the morning feeding though.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Rosebud333776
by Trish on May. 30, 2013 at 11:05 AM
I wish for you that your husband was more compassionate. 44 isn't that old and he could be more helpful. Maybe sitting with him again and asking him to help you more may make a differance. After working evenings until 11 pm, people often cannot go to sleep right away. Could he be helpful at that time?
MrsWhite101610
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2013 at 11:29 AM
My best advice is to sleep whenever she does, even if its for only 15 minutes. Don't use her nap time for showers, cleaning etc...use them as a nap time for you. When you need to shower drag her swing into the bathroom and out her in there so you can hear if she cries and just leave the door open so it doesn't get too hot. For cleaning again use her swing, pack and play etc and just do the main things. When dd was little dh took over nights but then he got really sick and stayed with his mom because she's a nurse. I had to do it all alone so I know what its like. Is there any family who can take baby one or two days a week for an hour or 2 so you can nap? Or even come sit with baby in your home? That would probably be a big help
shajdinyak
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2013 at 11:31 AM
It's not a choice. His child, he helps. End of story!tell him to stop being lazy. Being a mother is a hard yet rewarding job and u need help and a break.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)