Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

baby dad custody question

Posted by   + Show Post
I currently breastfeed my 6 month old dd. Her dad and I have a custody agreement set to where she willbe able to go with him once she is no longer on breast milk (at least 1 yr). I am uncomfortable with the father taking her, and she is at the stage where she is super clingy and only wants me. She refuses bottles and formula, not very into cups yet either. The father does not have a license but wants to get her on fathers day and take her to see his dad for 2 hours. She takes 20 min naps, plays for 10-20 mins, eats in between that. What is your opinion on letting him take her? Also, he has temper issues, only sees her once a week and she barely knows him, won't let.him hold her. I've told him to visit.more but he won't. I am not trying to keep her from him or anything as I have been more than accommodating, I just feel right now is not a good time. on top of all that, she is sick, making her excessively whiney and clingy. Help, opinions?
by on Jun. 8, 2013 at 10:07 PM
Replies (21-30):
youngmom16
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 8:44 AM

Well, this account was made back in about 2007, when I was pregnant with my first dd. I am now 23, though. Still a young mom, though (at least some people consider me that) :)

Quoting happybooklady:

I'm no detective, but the OP's name is "youngmom16". There might be a clue there.

Now I'm hoping people don't shame her for being a younger mother since they jumped on her for daring to think about the safety of her six month old child.


Quoting atlmom2:

How old are you 2????? No license??




youngmom16
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 8:45 AM

Elzmnsf is correct. There was no I in that statement. It is dd who freaks when her dad holds her. When I disappear while he is holding her (such as to do laundry in the basement) she freaks even worse. 

Quoting elzmnsf:

The I in parentheses wasn't there. I read it that the baby freaks when dad holds her because she doesn't know who the heck he is... Very different from mom not allowing him to hold her. My ydd disliked her dad for months and months. He was gone in the navy for weeks at a time but was home the other times. He spent time with her so I could feel comfy when he was home and she was changed and fed to just deposit her in his arms while I took a nap or bath. This mom doesn't have that, and the dad isn't trying to make extra time to bond with baby. My dd came around, but it was because dh put in the work and could be patient and understanding.


Quoting casseopeia:

Here's where I lost it with the contradictory statements almost in the same sentence.

"(I) won't let.him hold her. I've told him to visit.more but he won't. I am not trying to keep her from him or anything as I have been more than accommodating,"



youngmom16
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 8:46 AM

He most likely wont allow me to. The last time I suggested something like that, he told me 'nevermind, i will wait until I can take her'. He does not want me to go with.

Quoting mamalynnsmith:

Go with her so she can see her grandfather.


mamalynnsmith
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 9:21 AM

Sweetheart than i would not let her go only other suggestion is to call his dad and offer to allow your babys dad and his father to come to your house for fathers day 

CamsMommy0731
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this
You probably won't like what I'll say, but I would send DD with her dad.
If he is only taking her for a few hours, I don't see how it would hurt her if you pump.

When I was going through the court process a few years ago with my DS (15 months at the time) the judge gave me a month to wean him off because in their view, ds's relationship with his dad was more important. If he wasn't weaned, then I would of needed to pump.

I also think that the fact that you both have essentially not let DD have a relationship with her dad (him calling off cause you won't allow just dad/daughter time without you there and you not allowing that time together by himself with her) that is likely the reason to why she constantly cries if she's not held by you since you don't allow her that time to bond with her dad.

Whether he's a total POS to you does not mean he will be to her. You give him one chance and if he fucks up, then you have your reasoning to not allow further visitation until a c/o is set.

I'll also add that I do think you guy's should start a court process or mediation if you can so that you both know exactly what's going on and not wondering if he can see his daughter or not.
Diane1223
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 2:57 PM
1 mom liked this


agreed!!!! How crazy would it be to let the dad take her 2 hrs away,especially with no license

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

First of all did I understand correctly that he has no license but wants to drive her somewhere two hours away?



texassahm
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:19 PM
1 mom liked this

No way.  I would not let her go unless you were court ordered to do so.  Both my DD's were breast only (they refused a rubber nipple, so I couldn't even pump).  I can't even imagine if I had to share custody with their father at that age.  They would never leave my sight.  I'd have to go with them when they went with him.  Is that an option for you?  To go with her/him?

Can I ask...why are you apart from him with such young children?  Was there no hope for the two of you? Abuse?

youngmom16
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 8:09 PM
I have the same issue with my daughter. She refuses a 'fake' nipple. I've started to let her experiment with a sippy cup, but not much luck with that yet. As for going with, he doesn't let me. He doesnt like it nor want me to. And my dd #1 was with a different guy. I was married to him, but that ended up not working. As for my 6 month old, I tried to make it work, but he refused. Only thought with one thing, and tried to cheat on me. He also left me multiple times. All hile I was pregnant.

Quoting texassahm:

No way.  I would not let her go unless you were court ordered to do so.  Both my DD's were breast only (they refused a rubber nipple, so I couldn't even pump).  I can't even imagine if I had to share custody with their father at that age.  They would never leave my sight.  I'd have to go with them when they went with him.  Is that an option for you?  To go with her/him?

Can I ask...why are you apart from him with such young children?  Was there no hope for the two of you? Abuse?

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 12:37 AM
1 mom liked this

First of all, a 1 year old who is still totally on breast milk is not a healthy infant. Your child should be starting to discover solid foods, now, at 6 months of age.

Second, Father's Day is a week away. Very few minor colds, or other baby illnesses, last that long. Especially if she is already sick. If your daughter is still sick in 7 days, visitation will be the least of your worries. Your daughter will need to be in a hospital. This sounds more to me like you are using the sniffles as a handy excuse to keep her away from her father.

You obviously have issues with Baby Daddy, and while you might be "more than accommodating" in your mind, it might not be actually true. Your daughter needs to get to know her father, whether you are happy with that or not.

Baby Daddy should not be driving without a license - period. However, you might be incorrect that he does not have one. He also might not be doing the driving.

Since you seem adamant that you will not be able to visit your baby's Grandfather, and you do not want to allow her father to have her, how about a compromise?

Are you willing to do what is right for your daughter, and allow her to be with her father, and grandfather, on Father's Day?

Why not invite both to come over to YOUR house for the day?

Seems a win - win to me.

Baby gets her breast milk, dad does not drive(with baby in car), and dad, and granddad get to visit with their daughter/granddaughter on Father's Day!

happybooklady
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Actually, the OP seems very accommodating but the father wants special treatment outside the four corners of the visitation order while maintaining his status quo of disrespect toward the mother of his child. Any paternal grandparents worth their salt know the best way to their grandbaby is to have a solid relationship with the mom. There seems to be a lot of fail on his side and nothing but ongoing attempts to appease and compromise from hers.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured