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Mostly Recovered from an Abusive Marriage and Facing it from Stepmom PIOG

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 5:57 PM
  • 11 Replies

I was in an abusive relationship for roughly 6 years. I have been separated from my ex since February of last year. I recently moved into my dad's house with 2 kids because finances were too difficult. I have been met with hostility from my sister and stepmom (my sister is actually a half-sister and she is my stepmom's daughter. I mention it only because of the dynamic). My sister has become dominant over stepmom and stepmom goes with it. She, herself, is passive-aggressive, selfish, has jealousy issues, manipulative, etc. I've been keeping my distance from them because they're completely unhealthy people. Anyway, just been so tired of being taken advantage of and all the other junk that goes on. Any time I attempt to tell her anything, I tell her in a calm way, but she yells, slams things, etc. About a week ago, she slammed a door in my face. I said, "You want to slam doors?" and slammed it back. She acted as though she was going to throw water on me and commented she wanted to. I said, "Whatever you do to me, I can dish it right back." Normally, I say this is childish behavior and I take responsibility for my actions, but it wasn't "tit for tat." It was about showing her that her bad treatment can be given back, not out of revenge, but to show her that I wouldn't be dominated. It wasn't a reaction out of anger, but pure choice. I know people do what they want to do, but I mean to say it was like showing her a consequence to her action. I don't think it's "my place" to teach her a lesson, but that I am a human being and however she treats me can be given back so she shouldn't think she has a right or is entitled to treat someone like that because anyone can do it right back. I don't think that's good and it's not an excuse of "She did this so I did that." I remember reading that we (people who have suffered from abuse) will be more sensitive to abuse after experiencing it. I think I am just done with being treated badly. Really done.

I posted in another group, but no replies at all. Just feeling so raw today. It just surprises me, and I guess it shouldn't, that despite all that I've been through-- physical abuse, sexual, emotional, psychological, etc-- that family members wouldn't be more compassionate and helping me to fully recover. I don't mean emotionally, but financially or to just be more caring and say "How are you doing?", but when you deal with a selfish person, what can you really expect? They only care about how your presence benefits them.

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 5:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
NocturnesAngel
by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Is there any way you can move or get assistance from Sojourner House or your Local Domestic Women's Shelter?

They may be able to provide you with Housing Assistance Vouchers, etc. and they also offer FREE Counseling for Both You & Your Children.

If you haven't spoken with Representatives from both agencies, please look online and Contact Both Agencies: They Have 24 Hour Hotlines that are Staffed 7 Days a Week.

Even if One isn't in your  Neighborhood, Call The One is the Next City or State or the Nationwide Hotline, They will Give You Information of Someone To Assist You.

My Thoughts & Prayers are with you & your Children.

Best Wishes

hugs

Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 10:58 PM
1 mom liked this

*HUGS*

I've taken a lot from so many people. At some point I think some of us just are going to snap back. You should not have to put up with this.

Ilovemybbgrl
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I get it completely. I was in an abusive relAtionship for 8 years and 3 kids later finally got out. I've definitely got less patience for people who treat me badly especially family (it's different when I'm at work of course) but I can understand your frustration and you should stick up for yourself.
arwalters
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 2:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I honestly hope it gets better soon, it sounds tough to deal with after everything you've been through and you are so strong, you've come far it sounds like. Good for you for standing up for yourself and I hope you'll get some peace now
nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 2:55 AM
1 mom liked this

So, what you REALLY want from everyone is FINANCIAL support.

You want everyone to say, "poor you", and hand over money / rent free living space / free transportation / etc.

Life is not like that. You do not get free rides, or at least you should not. you need to pull yourself up and get your stuff together. You have your father for emotional support, and a place to live. Ignore step-mom, and step/half sister, get your S#@T together and get back on your own two feet. There are organizations out there that can help. It seems that you already have a good grasp of the internet - use it to find local programs that might be able to help you.


Quoting abusednotbroken:

 It just surprises me, and I guess it shouldn't, that despite all that I've been through-- physical abuse, sexual, emotional, psychological, etc-- that family members wouldn't be more compassionate and helping me to fully recover. I don't mean emotionally, but financially 

butzi
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I think perhap your best bet is a women's shelter. They will be able to offer you support in a non-judgemental environment . You seem to be wanting something from your family that they are unwilling or unable to give at this time.
abusednotbroken
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:15 PM
1 mom liked this


Don't even know where to begin with you. Somehow you think it's ok to be rude to someone you don't know and just assume what you think to be the case. hmm, ex stole in excess of a couple of hundred thousand from us, left us flat, dealt with PTSD, face foreclosure because I can't find him and can't sell without him, he has abandoned kids completely, oldest deals with abandonment issues and this is the tip of the iceburg... so to let you know, I've dealt with A LOT of "S#AT" and have not asked for handouts in the slightest. What I was conveying is that emotionally, no one can make me feel better--it's up to me to recover AND EVEN financially. HOWEVER, people, especially family, should not take advantage of me. That's incredibly selfish. She hasn't given me squat and I haven't asked for it. I, on the other hand, have given her money, IN EXCESS of what we could have possibly cost her, nearly every week. She doesn't buy groceries with it or pay bills with it like it's supposed to be used. Instead, she uses it for shopping and movies. I cook, clean, do yard work, dishes, brought washer and dryer for her. When someone is feeling "raw" as I said and reaches out, you need to use some tact or keep it to yourself. Seriously, the old saying "When you assume..." holds very true here.

Quoting nuts4scouts:

So, what you REALLY want from everyone is FINANCIAL support.

You want everyone to say, "poor you", and hand over money / rent free living space / free transportation / etc.

Life is not like that. You do not get free rides, or at least you should not. you need to pull yourself up and get your stuff together. You have your father for emotional support, and a place to live. Ignore step-mom, and step/half sister, get your S#@T together and get back on your own two feet. There are organizations out there that can help. It seems that you already have a good grasp of the internet - use it to find local programs that might be able to help you.


Quoting abusednotbroken:

 It just surprises me, and I guess it shouldn't, that despite all that I've been through-- physical abuse, sexual, emotional, psychological, etc-- that family members wouldn't be more compassionate and helping me to fully recover. I don't mean emotionally, but financially 



nikki666444
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 Wow, just rude.  Why would you even say something like that to someone that obviously needs help and advice. 

Quoting nuts4scouts:

So, what you REALLY want from everyone is FINANCIAL support.

You want everyone to say, "poor you", and hand over money / rent free living space / free transportation / etc.

Life is not like that. You do not get free rides, or at least you should not. you need to pull yourself up and get your stuff together. You have your father for emotional support, and a place to live. Ignore step-mom, and step/half sister, get your S#@T together and get back on your own two feet. There are organizations out there that can help. It seems that you already have a good grasp of the internet - use it to find local programs that might be able to help you.


Quoting abusednotbroken:

 It just surprises me, and I guess it shouldn't, that despite all that I've been through-- physical abuse, sexual, emotional, psychological, etc-- that family members wouldn't be more compassionate and helping me to fully recover. I don't mean emotionally, but financially 

 

RJC78
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this

No advice right now but here's a bump and hugs!

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:48 PM

Sorry if you do not like my advice.

However you stated quite CLEARLY that you did NOT want emotional help, only FINANCIAL help.

Hard to get all warm and fuzzy with that kind of comment.

Speaking of "old sayings", here's one for you to consider - Someone can only "take advantage" of you if you let them do it.

Stop letting her do it.

Stop buying washer/dryers you can't afford, stop doing yard work, stop paying more than you can afford.

Talk to your father, and come to an agreement on a amount for you to pay for room/board that you CAN afford. 

I also suggest that you do not tell your father, and step-mother, what they can, and can not, spend their money on. That is not your call at all, and can do nothing but create even more bad feelings, and childish retaliations, all around.


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