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I hate my husbands best friend and its hurting our marriage

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:24 PM
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Ok so i have finally reached out for some advise , me and my hubby have been together for 10 years and this last one has been rough, he has this friend that i just can not stand, just hearing his name actually makes my blood boil, The thing is he has actually never done anything to me, He is just always around and in return me and my husband fight. a few years ago we wnt out of town and he stopped by our home when we were gone and my mother in law caught him in her purse, eventually it came out and finally my husband stopped talking to him, but mow hes back, and I dont know how to deal. I feel like he gets a kick out of our arguing although he tells them he doesnt want to cause us problems, but if he knows that it does why does he come here why cant they hang out some place else, Some one please be honest with me  is it me am i crazy for making it an issue or should i let it go, and how do i get over it and let it go, Help me because right now im trying to figure out why i hate him so much, or do i just resent his relationship with my husband, i feel like he is closer to his friend thatn he is to me, How do i move past this? 



by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:35 PM
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It sounds like jealousy/resentment and those feelings need to be let go so you can move forward.  He may remind you of someone in your past that hurt you.   I would ask your husband to please go somewhere else to hang out even a sports bar or golf course type thing.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:39 PM
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Friends are not someone you spend 24/7 with once you are married.  You see them a couple times a month or less.  I can see if he is over all the time, I wouldn't put up with it. 

Sounds like your dh should have continued to not speak to him.  I wouldn't trust him at all. 


I am out a couple evenings a month with friends and usually once with dh and I and friends.  I also see friends during the day but of course dh is at work then. 

Come join me at The Duggars Debate, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

paintitblack0
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:47 PM
3 moms liked this

Trust your instincts. It would annoy the hell out of me if SO friends were around all the time. Please collect ur thoughts and speak with ur hubby.

EmilysMom2010
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:50 PM
12 moms liked this
He's a thief. I don't understand why your husband would even want him back in the house.
Amber94
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Your husband needs to ditch him out of both of your life's. But its easy said then done. I'm have a lot of jealousy to my husband friends but I have to bite my lip and not let it get to me. He needs his Guy time and I need my girl time.
butzi
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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Have you been totally honest with your husband? That this person bothers you. You aren't sure why, you don't trust him, and it hurts that your husband doesn't put your needs above everything else in regards to this. It will require a good deal of trust on your part but  if you tell him the truth, without drama or judgement, maybe he will be able to see your point of view.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this

He sounds awful.

Since my marriage is in the dumps atm, I'm no help lol. But I do know that communication is important, and positive praise will help more than nagging. ---Said the wife who nags her husband about his obessesion with himself lol...

manda-nicole010
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:26 PM
5 moms liked this

The purse thing is something I would never let go. The guy can't be trusted. Going through someone's purse... seriously? Why'd he rekindle a friendship that had only caused problems in the past and is causing problems again?

Sunshine257
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:53 PM
4 moms liked this
It sounds like you are upset because your relationship has three people in it. His friend is around so much that he is a part of most of your daily lives. ( am I close?)

How old are y'all? Is he like this with most his friends? Hanging out with them all the time?

I can tell you my husband and I saw our friends way more before we had our son. After all his friends began having children we all are lucky if we see each other once in 6 months lol.

I have never had the problem you are having. My husband meets his friends at their house or they go out somewhere. Other times we have dinner together.

I would just sit him down and tell him his priorities are out of line. That you have a life together and if he wants to spend time with his friend fine go out. That you feel there are three people in your relationship. You don't want to have other people in your home everyday and that you need your space and time with your family and your family only.

Tell him for the health of your relationship and your own insanity that this has to stop.

Point out if his presence is causing you two to argue that he needs to respect you and make a choice. You are his wife not girlfriend and family comes before friends.
Sunshine257
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Haha insanity is suppose to be sanity..


Quoting Sunshine257:

It sounds like you are upset because your relationship has three people in it. His friend is around so much that he is a part of most of your daily lives. ( am I close?)



How old are y'all? Is he like this with most his friends? Hanging out with them all the time?



I can tell you my husband and I saw our friends way more before we had our son. After all his friends began having children we all are lucky if we see each other once in 6 months lol.



I have never had the problem you are having. My husband meets his friends at their house or they go out somewhere. Other times we have dinner together.



I would just sit him down and tell him his priorities are out of line. That you have a life together and if he wants to spend time with his friend fine go out. That you feel their are three people in your relationship. You don't want to have other people in your home everyday and that you need your space and time with your family and your family only.



Tell him for the health of your relationship and your own insanity that this has to stop.



Point out if his presence is causing you two to argue that he needs to respect you and make a choice. You are his wife not girlfriend and family comes before friends.

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