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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I hate my husbands best friend and its hurting our marriage

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Ok so i have finally reached out for some advise , me and my hubby have been together for 10 years and this last one has been rough, he has this friend that i just can not stand, just hearing his name actually makes my blood boil, The thing is he has actually never done anything to me, He is just always around and in return me and my husband fight. a few years ago we wnt out of town and he stopped by our home when we were gone and my mother in law caught him in her purse, eventually it came out and finally my husband stopped talking to him, but mow hes back, and I dont know how to deal. I feel like he gets a kick out of our arguing although he tells them he doesnt want to cause us problems, but if he knows that it does why does he come here why cant they hang out some place else, Some one please be honest with me  is it me am i crazy for making it an issue or should i let it go, and how do i get over it and let it go, Help me because right now im trying to figure out why i hate him so much, or do i just resent his relationship with my husband, i feel like he is closer to his friend thatn he is to me, How do i move past this? 



by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Replies (61-70):
Kenzie523
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this
If they wouldn't go somewhere else to hang out then I would find somewhere to be. Then maybe your husband would realize you're gone too much because his friend is always over and maybe he will stop seeing him so he can spend more time with you. That would be my strategy if he's not listening to you at all.
mamamiajk
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Some people in life REALLY get on our nerves....it's just nature. I would have a serious talk (no fighting) with your hubby and reinstate your feelings. He should respect your feelings. Thats the mark of a true thief and or oportunist. Over the many (28) years we have been together I literally LOST it and went off on the offending person in MY home. My SO just sat there and didn't even TRY to smoothe things over. Hopefully that "friend" gets a life of his own and leaves yours out of it. Peace

dfcinnamon
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:36 PM

He will do the same thing to your husband eventually just give it time.  Seriously talk to your husband about it.  That is what marriage is.  

chicklopez
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM

  /shrug. If there is absolutly no reason for your feelings, it sounds like resentment, and you should let him hang out with his buddy. If this guy causes arguments, or tries to get in between you two as a couple thats a problem. If he gets together with this guy to bemoan married life, NBD but if he trash talks you all the time to this guy, thats also a problem.

Do you have your own friends you hang out with? Maybe have you and DH make a date night, where you two go hang out. If my SO were canceling our own plans to hang out with a buddy Id be upset, but if we werent doing anything, then I wouldnt mind.

brittany208
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:25 PM

well, after the purse thing, then yeah, i wouldnt want him around.

but other than that... if he had never done anything wrong. and you have no reason to dislike him. i would have to side with your DH. my DH has friends over all the time and I love it. I'd rather people hang out here, so I can know his friends and hang out a little if I want and see DH, than have DH always out somewhere else so I'm home alone with the kids all the time. I love having people over.

olleo
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:56 AM
That is horrible advice. Any relationship that isn't 50/50 or at least in that vicinity, isn't healthy.


Quoting KrystaLucio:

Well she forgives him and says that the woman always has to sacrafice more in the relationship and suck it up but i think thats horrible advice


Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 7:18 AM

I don't know how you move past this, as I haven't had this problem, but you do need to move past this.


CafeMom Tickers
Butterfly143
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:54 AM
Definitely do not turn your back on the so called friend when he's at your home ( thief ) issue. But I advice you to not get in between the friendship especially if sed friendship was formed before your relationship. My Hubby has 2 bestfriend that are just plain cheaters, players how ever you want to understands it. But they are cool people so much so that they have become my friend to. Been married to hubby for 12 years and not once have we fought because of friends I wouldn't give he's friend that control over my marriege. Just examine what bothers you so much from he's friend
emarin77
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:35 PM

If you feel something is missing in your relationship with your husband discuss it with him.  I feel this when....  Discuss how you felt when his friend went into your mil's purse.  Communication, communication is what is needed.  Never feel powerless in a marriege.

happybooklady
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:49 PM

I'm confused by this and I've read other comments (I haven't read all the comments) that share my confusion.

If he's been caught attempting to steal, why is he allowed in the house?

Why was he allowed in the house when your husband wasn't even home?

How is this a person your husband would even want around him, let alone his mother and wife?

I just don't get it. I'm very confused here. Is your husband hurting for friends? Do you need to start doing couples things like cooking classes or dancing lessons so you two meet people together who are also married and in a similar place in life?

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